My Little Pro Rocks!

Some people might call me a label snob - that I only by products with a certain name when any old manufacturer will do. I disagree; my mother knows a LOT about what products are best for specific tasks and I totally trust her judgment. If she has a KitchenAid, I have a KitchenAid and so on. I've always found my mom's stuff to be terrific and have no qualms about following in her footsteps. People may think that's silly, that any old food processor will do - it doesn't have to be a Cuisinart. Well, would any old food processor survive an attack by a mallet and a hammer?! I think not. My Cuisinart did and it's still choppin'. It's awesome! I doubt a genero processor would fare as well and that, my friend, is why I am a "label whore."

But, let me back up a moment. This all started, oh, about three weeks ago. I inherited the Little Pro Plus from my dad's uncle, so it's an older version (in fact, the LPP is discontinued at this point) but it hadn't been used heavily by its previous owner and worked like a champ. I don't use it too terribly often myself which is why, I think, I had a retarded moment. As much as I take after my mom I also (in this case, unfortunately) take after my dad. And my dad has a history of "herking" things... basically, using excessive physical force to push, pull, whack or otherwise manipulate something that won't be moved. We all laugh when things go awry, as they often do, as a result of the herking but I never thought it would infect me. I have too much of my mother in me to let the herk gene take over, right? Well, I guess my life just sucks because I got stupid double-jointed elbows that look malformed and humungo beaver teeth from my mom's side but not her inherent logic. Score!

A few weeks back I needed to grate some cheese - a perfect job for the processor, of course. So, I grabbed the blade and stuck it on the post but it wouldn't sit properly. Maybe that's because a pentagon-shaped hole won't ever fit snugly over a round post but whatever. I wasn't understanding the problem at the time so I just kept pushing the blade down (two-handed) until it finally quit wobbling. Success! I proceeded to grate my cheese and everything seemed hunky dory (if a little less smooth than usual) until I tried to lift the blade off to retrieve my cheese. Hmm... it didn't really lift off quite so easily... and there was nothing protruding from the blade which would've made the job easier, you know? So, before I pulled a Swiffer on the LPP, I asked Robert to come over and use his man strength to pull the blade off. That didn't work. I held on to the base of the unit while he used two hands to pull. Didn't work. He stood on the base while he tried to pull the blade off. Didn't work. He tried using pliers to get into the tiny hole between the blade hole and the post and then pulled. Didn't work. He tried taking the base apart to see if there was a way to force the bowl off. There wasn't. Then he went hard core on LPP's ass - he brought out the mallet and tried to whack the entire bowl off. I held the base down and he whacked - the bowl did not budge. Not even a little bit. After repeated blows, the only thing that even moved was the bowl handle, which broke off and flew into the sink.

The worst part of all this was my meal was almost finished... but I really needed the cheese! It was the only block I had and I couldn't serve the meal without it. So, we moved on to Plan 2: beating the crap out of the LPP. Robert was reluctant to bust the bowl of the LPP because he didn't want to ruin it. I informed him that it was already ruined - it was either going to be busted or inoperable in perpetuity in its current state (with moldy, petrified cheese to boot). So, he took the whole thing outside to the patio and beat my poor little Cuisinart to death with a hammer. Or so I thought. Turned out that the Little Pro is a hard nut to crack! All Robert's attack did was bust the grating blade - the bowl refused to break. The base was a bit worse for wear - you can see the black mallet smudges to the left, there - but everything seemed to still be in working order. Awesome! And the best part? Robert saved the cheese!! And my Speedy Layered Enchilada Pie was saved along with it!!!!!

Still, there was one tiny problem: we no longer owned a grating blade. I just had to buy another one, right? Not so fast - Cuisinart no longer makes the LPP. Bastards!! They make a Mini-Mate and a Handy Prep but no Little Pro Plus. It's the same thing, Cuisinart! You suck! Luckily, though, after a long Web search I was able to locate a vendor who sells discontinued Cuisinart parts and I was able to buy a new blade for $10. Sweet! It arrived on Monday and last night was the first time I was able to try it out. I am happy to report that not only did I remember to use the adapter* this time but the LPP worked like a champ and grated my cheese like nobody's business. You would never even know that we'd tried to assassinate it less than a month before! :o) If that's not a fantasmic endorsement for Cuisinart's products, I don't know what is.

* Throughout the molestation of the LPP, Robert kept asking me if I was sure I wasn't missing a part. And I kept assuring him that no, I set it up just like I always did. Then a funny thing happened; I looked in the Lazy Susan for a different grate when I came across a little... hollow stick. Round on one end and pentagon-shaped on the other. D'oh! I bet that's what I was supposed to use to get the blade to sit properly on the post, eh? Whatevs. It had been a while since I'd grated! I forgot!! Sue me!