RuPaul's Drag Race

If you, like me, were an avid watcher of the just-ended second season of RuPaul's Drag Race then this is the post for you! Did you watch the reunion special and think "Where is the final finished video with Juju, Raven and Tyra?!" So did everyone else. Well, it's been released on Logo's site but you know I don't want to make you exert yourself and click elsewhere so I'm embedding it below. I do it for you!

Now, I was a Jujubee fan all the way but I knew even going into the finale that Tyra was probably going to win. And, as much as I did not care for Tyra's bitchy personality and mumble mouth, I have to admit that she was a very good drag queen. She always had great hair, great outfits and she really had a fantastic stage presence each and every time. She was definitely more charismatic on stage than stinky old Raven so I'm just happy Raven lost. (She, too, often had a good look but no spark to speak of. Just look at how blah she is in the video! 'What. About. Raven.' Nothin'.) EW.com sat down for a Q&A with America's Next Drag Superstar and here it is:

Last night, you watched RuPaul crown the controversial 21-year-old Orlando native Tyra Sanchez (né James Ross) as America’s Next Drag Superstar on the season finale of RuPaul’s Drag Race. Now, we here at PopWatch are happy to present a quick chat with the queen who ruffled everyone’s feathers this season. Below, she talks about whether she’s heard from idol Beyoncé yet, how much she paid for that new grill of hers (not as much as you might expect!), and who’s she’s hoping to work with in the future.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: Congrats on the big win last night! How’d you manage to keep it secret for so long?
TYRA SANCHEZ: I would just tell myself in the mirror to just talk to myself and not anyone else. No one would know.

Everyone is wondering: Have you heard from your idol Beyoncé yet?
No, not yet! Hopefully one day. Maybe I could lipsync at one of her concerts or be in a movie or video with her—that would be hot. She would be the most ultimate person I would love to hear from.

I know you were confident about winning—did you ever have doubt about it though?
Of course I had doubts. I was worried at times, but it wasn’t like I didn’t have doubts that I wouldn’t win. But more just like, because of what you did, you could end up in the bottom two, like on the wedding challenge. If I was in the bottom two then, I might have automatically been sent home.

Last night you were apologetic about how you acted on the show. Did you think your attitude might bring you down on the show?
No, I was never worried about my attitude on the show because what they show, of course, were the bad times, but there were lots of good times. They didn’t show much of my personality that was on the runway, but behind the cameras and hanging out with the girls, I had so much personality just laughing and having fun with them. And Ru saw that, so I didn’t think that held me back at all.

When Ru was talking about you during the reunion special last night, she said “that’s magic s— right there.” How did it feel to have her say that about you?
It makes me feel really good for Ru to say it. She’s like the ultimate drag queen, so for her to say that to me was a blessing.

Where was your son last night? Was he watching?
My son is only four. He has not watched the show at all. I won’t allow him to watch the show yet. I’m just taking my time with it. No time soon—not until he’s old enough. I don’t think that’s near right now. It probably won’t be until he’s like his teens. We can look back and watch them on DVD.

Between Raven and Jujubee, who did you think was your biggest competition?
Actually, this competition was with myself. Of course, Raven was good competition, but the final day, they gave us all a call together—it was a conference call—and they said, “We need you all to outdo what you did this entire season.” And it was like, Well, how do you top what you’ve already done? I’m sitting there thinking, How do I do all of that with one outfit? It was kind of crazy for me. What I actually did was put on my simplest outfit.

Your outfit was actually rather understated.
I didn’t want them to focus too much on my clothing. At that point it was all about my personality and what I was giving them.

I think, too, you won partly because you delivered week after week, in addition to looking great last night.
I think it was partly that. I was never in the bottom. Many times on was top, and many times I was right under the person who was winning. I think I was very consistent. I gave them different looks. I did different things, but I stayed true to who I was and you always saw Tyra in whatever—even the country or wedding challenge. I would do what they asked of me, but I would do it as Tyra.

The judges seemed focused on your deep voice. Is that something you’ve encountered before?
No, that’s only happened on the show. I’m a guy in a women’s dress, but my voice doesn’t change—just my look. It doesn’t bother me—my voice hasn’t changed, it’s my voice! I can’t really go any higher than this. Because, of course, straight women would say something about it, but in the drag community, they all know that this is a guy, so it doesn’t bother anyone.

How much does a new set of teeth cost these days?
Um, a lot.

Was it painful?
No, it was pretty easy—not very painful at all. It was much cheaper than if I would have had it done in the United States. In they United States, they told me it was like $28,000.

Whoa! Where did you get it done?
I went to Tijuana, Mexico, and got it done. They’re veneers, and I only spent about $3,000.

Wow, what a difference. Tyra, do you have a favorite moment from the season?
My favorite challenge was the rocker challenge. My voice was horrible, but I had so much fun. I actually felt like I was in a concert and that was how I was living and they were so loud and energetic and I felt that energy. I had an amazing time.

When you perform in the future, will you only lipsync?
It will always be lipsyncing! I don’t want to record any music. You know how some people can talk their way through songs? I find that disrespectful to the real singers who can actually sing and it’s taking away from them. That bothers me.

What was the most challenging thing about the season?
The most challenging thing was keeping your cool. It’s so stressful. You don’t have communication with the outside world, so you have to make frineds with the people who are there, and of course, friends argue all the time. That was the biggest thing—keeping my cool and remaining calm.

What’s in your future?
My main focus is to become an actor and an actress—it would be hot to be in a movie as James and Tyra. I would love to do movies, and I would love to work with Tyler Perry. I would be in the next Harry Potter or Avatar! That would be hot.

You want to be yourself, James, and Tyra Sanchez in the same movie?
It doesn’t matter—if it’s the same movie, or other movies, I would love it both.

Are you going to stick in Orlando or move somewhere else?
My goal is going to go out to Los Angeles because that’s where all the movies and auditions are. And then also in Atlanta they have new studios and they’re recording a lot of TV shows there, too, so I’m torn between the two. My main focus in Los Angeles.

Whew! I Finally Made My Decision!

Okay. I must preface this entry by saying that it will be long, it will most likely be quite ramble-y (as I am writing it in pieces over a few days) and more "Dear Diary"esque than you're used to seeing on the blog. Now, all that being said, let's dive in!

So, first and foremost is this: I have quit my job. My last day at The Bay is Monday, May 3rd. This is a decision that has been many, many, many sleepless nights over the past several weeks in the making and I think it is the right one. Still scary? Definitely! But ultimately I think it's the first step in steering things in the right direction.

What spurred this mega-life decision? Well, lots of things, actually, but the main one is that I am going back to school. "What?," you ask. "I thought you were already in school - aren't you getting an MS in Library Science at SJSU?" Ah, no. I did take 1 semester of courses toward the degree before deciding it was definitely not for me and getting out early. Why did I not publicize it on the blog? Because why on Earth would I post 'I'M A BIG FAT LOSER AND A QUITTER!' on my own blog? I've been trying to accept that maybe I'm not a loser and a quitter, maybe I'm smart because I tried something I thought I would like, decided it wasn't what I thought it would be and decided to change course before investing more time. So, let's just go with that train of thought, eh? Because, let's face it - there was a definite risk of me just staying in the program for God knows how long because I was waffling over whether things would improve or I'd like X better or whatever. (This is typically why I stay in jobs, classes, etc.) Now I know that it's not the right career for me and I won't have to look back years later and wonder what would've happened if I'd tried it. Done. Off the list.

"But Lauren," you say, "isn't it a wee bit foolish to quit a job in this economy?" Well, yes. But things just haven't been quite right for me the past few months and it's about time I take a leap of faith and get busy with trying to make me happier. I could potentially stay in the job until I find a new job but if you know me at all you know that I am the worst at motivating myself to do ANYthing unless it's do-or-die time. Besides, the program I want to start in the fall requires a prereq that is only offered in the fall and spring quarters. I could have taken it in the fall but that's when lots of things were going on in the family (health-wise) so I'm definitely glad I didn't try to tackle going to school while dealing with all that. Since this quarter is therefore the last chance I had to take the class I need, I went for it.

"Gee, but can't you go to school and keep working? I mean, it's only one class and only for 10 weeks." Yes, that's true. But extenuating circumstances meant that I did - and would - not have enough vacation time accrued to leave early every Tuesday to attend class (the class is in Los Altos and starts at 3). My boss and I talked extensively about my options and what it came down to was I could either resign and continue taking the class or drop the class, try to accrue some time and take the class next fall. Robert and I hashed over all the pros and cons of each choice and finally settled upon me keeping the class and leaving work. I haven't been happy at my job for a while; there is virtually nothing to do (my boss even admitted as much when discussing whether now would be a good time to resign) and the one thing there IS to do (answering the phones) I abhor. "Lauren! Quit being a pussy and suck it up! Lots of people don't like their jobs but too bad! It's money! And benefits!" All good points and things I have said to myself many times over. But, when it comes down to it you spend the majority of your life at work; shouldn't you do something you enjoy? If you have the ability to try and do so? The prospect of waiting another whole year to start doing something was rather disheartening so now seemed like the time.

"Hm. Well, just what is this program you're so interested in (for now, anyway - you never seem to stick with anything for very long, y'know) that's worth throwing your job away?" It's the registered vet tech program at Foothill (essentially a nursing program for animals). I had been mulling over whether or not to try out the program when I had a very unexpected and fortuitous meeting with an old high school friend, Kelli. I hadn't spoken to Kelli for 12 years but she found me on Facebook back in March and we've been chatting ever since. We even met up in person so you know I actually like her. ;o) Anyway, she's an animal keeper at Coyote Point Museum in San Mateo and was in the program at Foothill so she was (and is) a great source of information. After talking to her and thinking about all the other things going on in my life that I could spend a little time working on, I really got a bee in my bonnet to start making some changes. My ultimate goal is not necessarily to be an RVT in a clinic; I'm actually much more interested in animal rehabilitation/massage (like physical therapy). But being a licensed tech will afford many more career opportunities so a degree I will get. Will I feel doofy being a UCLA-educated woman who makes her living massaging dogs when my friends are all in real grown-up jobs? Yes. (Trust me - I already do!) But, again, I need to be okay with the fact that I'll be enjoying what I do everyday. I'm sure the doofy feeling will pass eventually.

I don't know what will ultimately transpire for me - I don't know yet if I'll be accepted into the program for fall, I'm looking into internships/apprenticeships/volunteer opportunities in the field and I may very well wind up with some variety of part-time job in the interim for some financial cushion! - but I'm cautiously optimistic that things will start to improve... however slowly. Hey, you all know how much I hate change, so even a little progress is a big step!

Will keep you posted...

For All You UCLA... Person.

And that person would be Nora (though my dad might remember this guy, too - he has a freakish memory). One of Robert's old college roommates, Matthew, got in touch with me via Facebook earlier today and it was such a nice surprise. He was an art major/part-time graffiti artist and it looks like he was able to make an actual career out of that (go figure!). His Web site isn't very expansive but he was featured on CNN back in '07 for one of his designs, which I thought was pretty darn cool.

What I like about the jacket is not so much the rigidity but the fact that it comes up far enough that I could lie back without actually having any of my hair (or head) touch anything anywhere. I would never, ever, ever sleep on any sort of public transportation, well, first because I get too car sick but second because I refuse to contaminate any exposed part of my body with whatever is all over the walls, seats, etc., of any public transportation vehicle. Ew.

Cars and Coco

Okay, so, as I predicted, I'm totally waffling on my "big life decision" so I don't have any news on that front. But! I do have a few less important updates to apprise you of so here we go:

(1) I got my stupid stinky, leaky car fixed two weekends ago and it turned out that a clogged sunroof drain was the culprit. I didn't even realize my sunroof had a drain; in fact, it has two! The clogged one caused both the leak in the ceiling and the one in the floor and it only took 3 days and $450 to fix it. Happy happy, joy joy! Here's my excited face. :-| Stupid expired warranty. Stupid money sieve Saturn. I hate you both!!!

(2) Robert and I saw Conan at the Nob Hill Masonic Center on Friday night and I took a few cell phone photos from our last row seats (we were just left of center, though, so it really wasn't so bad).

The promo screens before the show

Conan asking if we like his beard (I totally do - he looks so much better! And less red in person...)

Musical guest Chris Isaak

The inflatable "bat from hell"

The show was good. Not GREAT! but definitely good. There was less stand-up Conan than I thought there'd be - he sang a lot of songs. Humorous songs but still... it was hard to understand him over all the music so I didn't really enjoy them as much as the straight comedy. Robert was suuuuuuuuper excited that Andy Richter was there... until he discovered that he wasn't so funny on this tour. The scripted banter was kind of stilted. There were a few SF-specific bits that were pretty good. Two "commercials" for local merchants (Glass Dildo Me and the Bushman at Fisherman's Wharf) and a very funny Triumph the Insult Comic Dog bit. Conan has been featuring local musical guests on the tour (Spoon in Eugene and Eddie Vedder in Seattle) so Robert was crushed to learn that Chris Isaak was the designated local go-to for SF. He is about one click short of straight-out abhorring the man and I don't really know why. I like Chris Isaak - I don't lurv him but I like him - so I was fine with the selection. Robert was pulling for Neil Young; I can't even begin to express my happiness that Neil was not there. (Apparently, Neil was there for the first show in SF (as a regular ol' non-musical guest) so we might've just made a narrow escape!) The parking garage under the Masonic Center cost THIRTY DOLLARS to park in which just about gave Robert a heart attack and a stroke at the same time. Even I was shocked and taken aback. I mean, I expect parking in the city to be ridiculously expensive but somehow I was not prepared for $30. We were feeling a little better about our choice, though, when we were able to vacate the garage in less than 10 minutes and saw the line to pay for the cheaper garage a half-block away stretching all the way around the corner. All in all a successful evening and not a bad way to spend a Friday night.

Amazing Race 16: Week 10

The cowboys were awesome! Weehoo!!! The leg was a non-elimination leg (the third this season, which I find ridiculous - I totally agree with the recapper: why have the extra Road Block when not eliminating someone essentially renders it moot?!). Boo. Boo!

---

When the race started months back, would you ever have imagined these would be the four teams remaining? You've got your brothers who can't drive stick (Dan and Jordan), the IQ-challenged pretty people (Brent and Caite), non-spring-chicken private investigators (Louie and Michael), and a pair of not-that-worldly cowboys (Jet and Cord). Okay, maybe you knew Jet and Cord would be in it until the end because they've basically rocked the race, but the rest of them? My hat is off to these underdogs, even Caite. Of course, there's hardly room for me to be impressed by Caite being the last woman standing because she's so irritatingly proud of herself. ''I'm flipping out that I'm the last girl standing,'' she said, before repeating that phrase several different ways throughout the first 15 minutes. Yes, yes, we get it. You U-turned Carol and Brandy and now you're the last woman. Bravo for making that decision purely on emotion and not on strategy. Way to go!

Tonight, teams started off flying to Shanghai, China where they had to find Zhujiajiao, which Phil tells us is ''the Venice of China.'' Did he mean a sinking, tourist-overrun city known for baccala and artichoke ends? Nope, just that both cities have canals. Dan and Jordan continued to be adorable, Dan declaring that ''I hate him just as much now as I did before,'' before Jordan replied, ''I love him a little bit more than I did before.'' I want to be their mother so I can be consumed with pride about how my boys are acting on national television. I like to imagine her bragging about her ''boys on that reality show'' who will ''ride those motorcycles they won over my dead body'' at Sabbath services in some synagogue in Long Island. We also learned Jet has a wife and 17-month old girl (um, doesn't he look 20 at max?) and Cord got engaged right before leaving for the race. Either he thought $1 million would help pay for the wedding or he thought he needed to put a ring on it because he didn't trust his lady to be alone for that long.

At the airport, Michael's thrilled at his protégés Brent and Caite, who followed his U-turn plan. They're his wolf cubs! Curious alliance, those four. Jordan, ever the wise commentator of the season, seemed to know the decision not to U-turn the consistently strong cowboys was idiotic. ''We're all going to look back and question that decision.''

Once in Zhujiajiao, the teams hit their first road block, to ''master the complex art of making noodles by hand.'' Perhaps it was the jet lag, but Brent commented on the city on canals, ''I feel like I'm in Sicily.'' Oh, who are we kidding? That wasn't jet lag. Of course, Cord wasn't any better when he questioned Jet's comment that the city was tranquil. ''Tranquil! What is that?'' Cord laughed, seemingly astonished that his brother who would use a seventh-grade spelling bee word. Oh my gravy. Anyway, the challenge was to turn a mound of dough into one kilo of noodles. When the teams completed the road block, Ping Ping, the world's smallest man (with the world's biggest cigarette habit) would give them their next clue.

And just when I was getting over the Sicily and ''tranquil'' comments, Caite and Jet jumped in with their offensive Ping Ping commentary. ''Wow! He was so adorable!'' Caite said, before saying hi to him like he was a newborn puppy and not an adult man. ''Can I take him home with me?'' Yes, Caite. I'm sure he would love that. (Secretly, I wish she would have. I would love to see Ping Ping chain smoking his way through her pageant parephenalia-filled house.) Jet wasn't any better when he said, ''If he jumped out of your trash can it would scare you to death.'' So, instead of being a little puppy, he's a raccoon? Didn't they get any sensitivity training before representing America around the world?

Jet made quick time with the noodles (Jordan commented that he's ''magical with his hands'' which made me question what's been going on during these rest stops...), and Louie channeled his Italian grandma as he twirled and flipped that dough into submission. After Jet, Caite finished a strong second, and Louie third. Only Jordan and his seemingly unmagical hands were left. ''I love you so much,'' Dan said, giving his frustrated brother a hug of encouragement. (Oy! I love these boychicks!) And soon enough, they were off too.

The next stop seemed to be pretty easy, as long as you weren't Louie and Michael trying to find the door to the fashion house that was about six inches away from the clue box. Teams had to dress a model in the clothes shown in a sketch. It's downright amazing that Jet and Cord finished this challenge, with that fascinating lack of skills differentiating boots and tights or the colors lavender and magenta. ''Do you need my tiara to help you?'' Caite said to no one in particular. Not that I should judge the power of the tiara; she got her model in the right outfit on the first try. Once Michael found the door, he unleashed his own stereotypical comment about Jordan with, ''Being the gay male that he was, he loved it. He was right in there shopping.'' Yes, Michael, all gay men love shopping. Must've been really easy to find gay perpetrators when you were on the job — just find the nearest Barney's!

Going into the final challenge (another road block! Tricky, tricky Phil!) at the Hongkou Stadium, where teams had to assemble a puzzle and then give it to people in the stands, it was cowboys, models, detectives, and then brothers. I was bracing for a last place finish for my boys. Now, normally I think teams should have to deal with whatever elements befall them, but asking them to put a puzzle together (apparently made of light paper that blows with the slightest movement of air) on an ultra-windy day seemed unnecessarily cruel. Wasn't there an indoor auditorium they could have relocated to? Cord and Brent certainly would have appreciated it since their pieces went flying the most. Of course, I did get a perverse pleasure out of watching Brent look like he was about to have a temper tantrum when his puzzle went blowin' in the wind. ''STOP!'' he yelled to the wind. Brilliant. (Incidentally, nothing on the entire season was more disturbing that the person in the stands with a face mask that had a picture of a tongue sticking out.)

Apparently, Dan and Jordan's dad unknowingly prepared them for this challenge years ago when he taught them to do the corners of puzzles and then fill in the middle, a good tip that allowed these two to pass Louie and Michael. Michael, on the other hand, seemed utterly confused by the task. ''Can we get some shooting? Kick a door in? Chase a crackhead?'' he said of the puzzle. That's for next season: Amazing Race: Alcatraz.

Now, by this time I had a realization. Two episodes left after this one. Four teams. Three teams race in the finale. So I knew it wasn't going to be an elimination leg, which made me feel a teeny bit annoyed because it seems like the extra tasks the last place teams have to do never amount to anything significant. If a team was to be eliminated, I was quite happy with Louie and Michael going home. Not because I've hated the big lugs, but I've liked watching the other teams (yes, even you, Brent and Caite) more. So, we had a predictable first place finish for Jet and Cord, a strong second for Brent and Caite, an impressive third for Dan and Jordan, and a last place spot for Louie and Michael. ''I'm sorry to tell you, you are out…out in the cold!'' that sneaky little Phil told them. No matter what the time zone, Phil still brings his funny.

Are you happy it was a non-elimination leg? Who do you want to see in the final three?

Scott Baio Ruins Everything

Woo boy. I actually enjoyed VH1's Scott Baio series (both when he was 45 and 46) but this is crazy. Ka-ray-zee, I tell you. Apparently, Mr. Baio's been involved in a war with one of my old favorite gossip blogs, Jezebel, and I didn't even know it! If you have many, many minutes to kill and would enjoy a good chuckle (the best is toward the end), read on!

Scott Baio's Online Meltdown: A Complete Timeline

Scott Baio has had some issues of late. He's mad. Mad at liberals, mad at uninformed fans, and really mad at the Internet. Crazy mad. But a recent history of Baio's insanity reveals that his fall was all but inevitable.

The warning signs were everywhere, be it according to the all-too-common fate of fallen stars, or Baio's uncomfortable reality show. But his Internet meltdown started gaining momentum on October 27, 2009. This was when we first took note of Scott Baio's interesting Twitter contributions. Granted, back in these early days, Scott was less of an angry guy and more the type to remind pro-choicers to be kind to their mothers.

Harmless! But by October 30, Baio's gentle reminders quickly morphed into incoherent anger.

Baio had calmed down on November 9, choosing instead to redirect his energies towards his speciality: international border control.

But international issues could only hold Scott's attention for so long. A pop-culture icon himself, he turned his attentions on November 23 to Lady Gaga, of whom he is not a fan.

Scott Baio, however, is not just a man of rage, and he had moments of sensitivity. Take, for instance, his December 21 response to the death of Brittany Murphy.

In January, however, Baio marked the new year by a return to his natural state: Not Awesome. He tweeted this picture of Michelle Obama with some intelligent commentary:

Shortly thereafter, on January 20, Baio — under fire for being, you know, totally cruel — explained himself: His (wife's) best friend is black!

He also posted a helpful picture, in case the haters didn't believe him.

The next day (January 21), Baio continued to go on the defensive — while also noting that it was everyone else's fault for getting upset about his comments.

See what he did there? He's like the Sun-Tzu of Twitter.

Then things were quiet (relatively speaking) for a few months. We decided to look away: move along, people, nothing to see here. That is, until April 7th, when Baio got very upset at the Twitterverse for not realizing that he's more than an 80s acting legend — he's a director. In fact, he directed 41 episodes of Charles in Charge. Show the man some respect.

Baio doesn't have time to note the irony here, as he's NOT DONE SPEAKING YET JUST LET HIM FINISH.

Actually, he's not mad, y'all. Hug it out.

But Baio, by now a true master of all 140 characters, couldn't go a week without raging on his keyboard. On April 12, he stuck it to the tax man — and all you lazy, poor people.

This is when things really blew up. We noted his comment, and he was not having it. On April 15, he waged war.

Then he dropped the race card.

And the prayer card.

From there, it was only a matter of hours until the Twitter hashtag #scottbaioruinseverything caught on, attacking Baio on his own turf. There was also an update to his Wikipedia page.

(Click to enlarge.)

On April 16, Baio — mad as hell and not going to take it anymore — reminded us ladies that "the broom and the dustpan are in the closet." He did this in Italian, because why not?

Then, this past weekend, Scott's wife Renee joined the party on Facebook, coming to her husband's defense by dropping some poignant homophobia:

Yesterday, April 19, we posted Renee's contribution — and she responded in kind, resorting to a defensive tactic similar to that preferred by her husband:

That same day, the website Scott Baio Ruins Everything was born. Baio also entered the the Urban Dictionary canon.

Meanwhile, Renee was getting all First Amendment on us, claiming that Jezebel wasn't allowing comments from anyone who defended her husband.

Mr. Holder, if you're reading (and we're sure you are, as you totally have time for this stuff), please note: This is untrue. There are no unapproved comments in our system pertaining to this matter.

Since then, ABC News has picked up on Baio's "bizarre blog war" (and indeed it is!); the Huffington Post is also covering the "anti-lesbian rant", as is Newser and E!.

Renee, for her part, is responding to Facebook messages with threats to our publisher.

(Click to enlarge.)

Meanwhile, Scott's blocked a good handful of the Jezebel staff from his Twitter feed, but he's still got thoughts that he wants to share. Like, what's the deal with Canadian currency? It's so funny and weird!

Also, he'll get his revenge yet.

That is, if his anal irritation doesn't get in the way first.

For Jezebel's complete coverage of All Things Baio, go here.

TV Tidbits 91: Finale Dates

Ausiello has compiled this handy dandy list o' season finale air dates so without further ado...

ABC
Brothers & Sisters: Sunday, May 16 @ 10 pm/ET
Castle: Monday, May 17 @ 10 pm/ET
Cougar Town: Wednesday, May 19 @ 9:30 pm/ET
Dancing With the Stars: Tuesday, May 25 @ 9 pm/ET
Desperate Housewives: Sunday, May 16 @ 9 pm/ET
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition: Sunday, May 16 @ 8 pm/ET
FlashForward: Thursday, May 27 @ 8 pm/ET
Grey’s Anatomy: Thursday, May 20 @ 9 pm/ET (two hours)
Lost: Sunday, May 23 @ 9 pm/ET (two hours)
The Middle: Wednesday, May 19 @ 8:30 pm/ET
Modern Family: Wednesday, May 19 @ 9 pm/ET
Private Practice: Thursday, May 13 @ 10 pm/ET
V: Tuesday, May 18 @ 10 pm/ET

CBS
The Amazing Race: Sunday, May 9 @ 8 pm/ET
The Big Bang Theory: Monday, May 24 @ 9:30 pm/ET
Cold Case: Sunday, May 2 @ 9 pm/ET (two hours)
Criminal Minds: Wednesday, May 26 @ 9 pm/ET
CSI: Thursday, May 20 @ 9 pm/ET
CSI: Miami: Monday, May 24 @ 10 pm/ET
CSI: NY: Wednesday, May 26 @ 10 pm/ET
Ghost Whisperer: Friday, May 21 @ 8 pm/ET
The Good Wife: Tuesday, May 25 @ 10 pm/ET
How I Met Your Mother: Monday, May 24 @ 8 pm/ET
Medium: Friday, May 21 @ 9 pm/ET
The Mentalist: Thursday, May 20 @ 10 pm/ET
Miami Medical: Friday, May 21 @ 10 pm/ET
NCIS: Tuesday, May 25 @ 8 pm/ET
NCIS: Los Angeles: Tuesday, May 25 @ 9 pm/ET
The New Adventures of Old Christine: Wednesday, May 12 @ 8 pm/ET
Rules of Engagement: Monday, May 24 @ 8:30 pm/ET
Survivor: Heroes vs Villains: Sunday, May 16 @ 8 pm/ET (three hours)
Two and a Half Men: Monday, May 24 @ 9 pm/ET

The CW
90210: Tuesday, May 18 @ 8 pm/ET
America’s Next Top Model: Wednesday, May 12 @ 8 pm/ET (two hours)
Gossip Girl: Monday, May 17 @ 9 pm/ET
One Tree Hill: Monday, May 17 @ 8 pm/ET
Smallville: Friday, May 14 @ 8 pm/ET
Supernatural: Thursday, May 13 @ 9 pm/ET
The Vampire Diaries: Thursday, May 13 @ 8 pm/ET

Fox
24: Monday, May 24 @ 8 pm/ET (two hours)
American Dad: Sunday, May 16 @ 9:30 pm/ET
American Idol: Wednesday, May 26 @ 8 pm/ET (two hours)
Bones: Thursday, May 20 @ 8 pm/ET
The Cleveland Show: Sunday, May 23 @ 8:30 pm/ET
Family Guy: Sunday, May 23 @ 9pm/ET (one hour)
Fringe: Thursday, May 20 @ 9 pm/ET
Glee: Tuesday, June 8 @ 9 pm/ET
House: Monday, May 17 @ 8 pm/ET
The Simpsons: Sunday, May 23 @ 8 pm/ET

NBC
30 Rock: Thursday, May 20 @ 9:30 pm/ET
The Biggest Loser: Tuesday, May 25 @ 8 pm/ET (two hours)
The Celebrity Apprentice: Sunday, May 23 @ 9 pm/ET (two hours)
Chuck: Monday, May 24 @ 8 pm/ET (two hours)
Community: Thursday, May 20 @ 8 pm/ET
Law & Order: Monday, May 24 @ 10 pm/ET
Law & Order: SVU: Wednesday, May 19 @ 10 pm/ET
The Marriage Ref: Thursday, May 20 @ 10 pm/ET
Mercy: Wednesday, May 12 @ 8 pm/ET
The Office: Thursday, May 20 @ 9 pm/ET
Parenthood: Tuesday, May 25 @ 10 pm/ET
Parks and Recreation: Thursday, May 20 @ 8:30 pm/ET
Trauma: Monday, May 10 April 26 @ 9 pm/ET

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And just as a little add-on, it turns out Chuck's season 4 prospects have gone from "a safe bet" to "could go either way." :o( Boo.

Through a Dog's Eyes

I know, I know - I haven't posted for a kind of a long while. I have an excuse! I have been wrestling with a huge life decision and I know you all know how decisive I am so you can imagine how things have been going. :o) But I think I've made a decision so now I'm trying to get back into the groove of things. (And yes, I'll fill you in on the decision once I'm 100% sure of what I'm doing!!) Anyway, please forgive the gap in gossip. And check out this uber-schmoopy documentary on PBS tonight.

Through a Dog's Eyes

TV Tidbits 90: Ugly Betty Finale

I don't know if any of you watch(ed) Ugly Betty - I used to but quit somewhere in season 2 - but just in case you're interested, here's a Q&A from TVGuide.com with the series' creator re: last night's series finale:

In the end, Betty chose ... nobody. Instead, she moved to London for a great new job opportunity, where she not so coincidentally ran into Daniel, who had recently relinquished the editorship of Mode to Wilhelmina. Betty and Daniel agreed to have dinner together, but... is it a date?

Though that distinction is left intentionally ambiguous, elsewhere in the world of Ugly Betty, there was plenty of closure. Marc made his feelings known to Troy. On Marc's urging, Willy decided that true love trumped schemes and called a truce with Claire. Amanda found her birth father. Ignacio learned to let his daughters live their lives, which included Hilda, Justin and Bobby moving out of the family house in Queens and over the bridge into Manhattan.

TVGuide.com chatted with series creator and executive producer Silvio Horta about the choices he made in the series-finale episode. How did cancellation change his five-season game plan? Does he think Betty and Daniel will date? Read on to find out...

TVGuide.com: There are, like, 300 scenes in this episode. Did it ever feel overstuffed to you or like you had too much to accomplish?
Silvio Horta: Having seen the first cut of it, which was about five minutes longer, my perspective was like, this is way too much going on, but we need to deal with it all. I don't think we gave short shrift to anything. It was important to me that the core cast all had something [in the way of closure]. If we hadn't explored the Justin story line this season, for example, that would've been a huge regret.

TVGuide.com: If you knew you were getting another season, how would this season have been different?
Horta: We would've still gotten the braces off and a lot of it would've been about Betty's physical transformation. The initial gimmick of the show was this girl hiding under these bangs, bushy eyebrows and glasses. That was a great way in, but a part of me wishes I had loosened it up earlier, in Season 3 or something. Looking back, I wish we hadn't held off on her transformation as long as we did.

TVGuide.com: You used to be dead set against a Betty-Daniel romance. Yet something happens between them here. What changed your mind?
Horta: The core relationship of the show has always been Betty and Daniel. Whenever we got away from that, people felt the show suffered. The chemistry they have — whether someone can feel it as romantic chemistry or it's just a strong bond — is just palpable. It drove the show. That question was always there: Will Betty and Daniel end up together?

It was probably a conversation I had with America. It was so obvious; they've been there for each other for the entire course of the series and to end with that possibility — and what I think you end with is a possibility — with anyone but Daniel seemed off. Are they together after that? I don't even want to say. I have my version in my head of what happens after she walks away from him, but I think everyone can have their own interpretation.

TVGuide.com: Did you actively not want a romantic conclusion to the series?
Horta: Yes, I didn't want that; it was way too rushed, too quick.

TVGuide.com: Why London?
Horta: I wanted her to have the next step up, a place to go, and I didn't want it to be New York. I wanted it to feel like she was making a big choice. And part of it is that I haven't seen a place in the world that has been as devoted, where the fans [of Ugly Betty] are as great as they are in the U.K.; it was a shout-out to them.

TVGuide.com: How did you decide on Bryan Batt to play Amanda's father?
Horta: I'm just a huge fan of his from Mad Men; he's a terrific actor. That was one story line that some people were like, "Do we need to reopen that?" and for me, it was way overdue. I wanted to answer that one question. It was egregiously left open.

TVGuide.com: Is a kind Wilhelmina a happy Wilhelmina? Isn't that antithetical to the character?
Horta: No, that is her happy ending. There are hints that she's not, like, going to become Mother Teresa. Wilhelmina will always be Wilhelmina, but over the course of the series there have been times when we've seen a lot of that softer side. But I think on the show, as in real life, people are what they are. If you were to imagine these characters beyond the series, she's not going to become a saint.

Ugly Betty Poll: 73 percent of TVGuide.com voters want Betty and Daniel together

TVGuide.com: In your mind, where are these characters six months down the line?
Horta: I don't know if I want to answer that. I want to keep it for me. The series and finale is what it is; there's a degree of closure all around.

TVGuide.com: Talk to me about working with America Ferrera.
Horta: She's this pro who will not stop challenging herself and the material, and 99 percent of the time she can be right. She has incredible instincts, not just for her character, but for what this show was. Her greatest strength is her vulnerability. That's what people respond to in this character, someone who's relatable and real. The braces and glasses were iconic, but they would've been nothing, a gag, if it wasn't for her realness. She's wonderful; she's great. She's a part of my life.

TVGuide.com: You guys got a lot of great guest stars. Were there any you wanted but couldn't get?
Horta: We wanted to do something with Liza Minnelli. And Madonna. It would've never happened, but I would've loved to have Meryl Streep playing her character from The Devil Wears Prada. That would've been a dream if some version of that could've happened.

TVGuide.com: What do you think Ugly Betty's legacy will be?
Horta: I hope the depiction of so many different characters — whether they were gay, Latino, black — opened up the possibility of what a lead of a show should be. We played with the tone in such a huge way, and at every point we dared to be incredibly broad, campy, incredibly real and heartfelt. It's a tricky combo. I don't personally like watching cop shows; I love something that's different and I think we were different. I hope we found something that lasts and that people remember.

TV Tidbits 89: Anthony Hates Tim

I copied-and-pasted this a while ago but I guess I thought I wanted to add something to it and so didn't actually post it. Now I have no idea what I wanted to say about it, of course. Except that I really, really liked Anthony... until I discovered he, like lispy Emilio, is anti-Tim. Now, I guess I can't really begrudge him his opinion because in his one little anecdote Tim does sound kind of wishy washy. But Anthony was never, ever one of the strongest designers so I don't think he can blame selecting polyester and making an inferior garment solely on Tim! Harumph!

It’s bad enough that we had to say goodbye to him once. But last night, following his triumphant return in the previous episode, Anthony Williams earned his second Auf’ing from Heidi Klum. We were sad. But when we chatted with Anthony earlier today, not only was he not upset, he was in high spirits indeed. For today is his 29th birthday. With his usual fervor, he discussed his future in television, shared some surprising words about Tim Gunn, and explained exactly which Sugarbaker sister he most resembles.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: I hear it’s your birthday, Anthony. Happy birthday.
ANTHONY WILLIAMS: Yes, I’m so excited! 29 is a brand-new year and I couldn’t be happier.

How did it feel getting eliminated the second time? You seemed very much at peace with it. Relieved, even.
Oh yeah. I don’t even think I really cared, to be honest, Missy. [Laughs] Warning comes before destruction: I knew what it was like to be eliminated, so it made it real soft for the second blow. I’m just good. Who gives a damn about [being] eliminated when I get a brand-new birthday? Who cares? A girlfriend who I went to college with called me last night. She was crying. I mean, bawling, crying! And I was like, “You jackass! You sit on this phone crying after I walked away with grace and I’m still able to smile about it and you’re crying because I didn’t win! Don’t cry for me!” Think about it. Not only did I win the two greatest challenges in Project Runway history, but I made history on Project Runway. I did show at Bryant Park, and my collection probably got the most press out of anyone who showed. So the only thing I didn’t get out of this experience was $100,000. And let’s face it, you can’t miss what you never had. So there you have it.

You’ll get it someday.
Oh, I’m not worried about it. I’m very proud of myself. Some loudmouth queen from the South — I hope I’m making it a whole lot easier for them to come on Project Runway and turn the party out.

The judges made a big deal about your choice of polyester. I was surprised too. Why did you go for polyester?
It was not my exact choice. The original fabric that I selected was a cobalt taffeta blue, which was the color this fall. But when I was in Mood, I remembered Tim Gunn walking in and saying, “Taste, Anthony, taste.” He kept questioning my taste. I think back and Tim Gunn [hated] everything I did, but the people that he loved all got eliminated before me. So if I can tell anybody anything going on Project Runway: Don’t ever listen to Tim Gunn and never second-guess yourself.

Really? Don’t listen to Tim Gunn?
Don’t listen to Tim Gunn. I’ll give you a great example. Jonathan, when we did the second Heidi Klum challenge, the one that I won, ohhh Tim was just worshipping him, [saying] “Oh my god, this is so amazing, she’s gonna love it.” Fifteen minutes later, she walks in and says, “Oh my god, what would ever make you think [I'd like] this?” And Tim stood his ass there and didn’t even open his mouth. He didn’t say a word! No, honey. Any contestant trying to go on Project Runway, know who you are, and pay these blogs no attention because they’re just the people that nobody likes because they have bad attitudes. I’m really at the point where I’m sick of these blogs. I’m like, honey, get a life. It’s just television.

What blogs?
I don’t read blogs. But people are telling me things. Even other contestants are telling me things that people are saying about them on blogs. I was just talking to [fellow season 7 contestant] Jesus the other day and Jesus was telling me people were being so mean to him. And I was like, “Jesus, don’t pay any attention. Because at the end of the day, they’re taking notes and writing about your experience and it’s better to be blogged about than to be sitting at home blogging.” These are people who have no accountability for the things they say and they hide behind a mask. Little dogs have always barked at moving cars. [Suddenly switching gears] Missy, have you ordered your “Stacked, Packed and Ready to Attack” tote for $25? I need you to invest in the dream that is Anthony L. Williams. And you can do it by going to my website. Go ahead.

I’m very obedient. I’ll check out your page after our interview. But back to last night. What did you think of Michael and Heidi getting out of their seats to touch your dress?
I haven’t seen Michael Kors’ ass stand up and do [anything] since I’ve been watching Project Runway. The season could use the help, so I hope it did boost the ratings. [Laughs] I just thought that it was just crazy.

I can’t tell you how many readers on EW.com say that you should have your own TV show.
The only way I would do a show is if it helped women or helped people in general. I would not do a reality show exploiting my friends and family for a couple hundred thousand dollars and everybody watched the rise and fall of my company and it was all mere entertainment. I can’t neglect the fact that, in the end, this is still my dream.

How would your show help women?
Well, I think fashion sometimes abuses women. You’d be amazed how many women don’t know what size bra they wear or what size bra they should be wearing. Many women don’t know where their waistline is so they can’t figure out why they look wider than the average women. I think women should also know about trends. Honey, some of us don’t have body types that follow the trends. When the skinny legs came out, honey, if your legs were not skinny, possibly you should have not followed the trend of the skinny-leg pant. So I have this wisdom and knowledge from getting to know real women. Obviously, you’d have to do [the show] in a clever and entertaining way to gain an audience. But a reality show? I will not exploit my family for that. I refuse.

So, you’d like to do Anthony’s version of What Not to Wear?
Yeah! That’s what we should start. That should be the name of the show: Anthony’s What Not to Wear. No, we don’t want to rob their show.

You have all these catchphrases and you like to philosophize. So maybe that’s what your show should be: Fashion philosophy.
We’ve come up with a name of my show! Fashion philosophy! [Squeals] I love it! Fashion Philosophy with Anthony — I love it.

How are you celebrating your birthday?
I have this amazing cake done by Sugarplum Visions in Marietta, Georgia. And Jamie, the owner, is designing this beautiful cake to look like my Marie Claire [challenge] dress. [The party] is supposed to be 50 of my closest friends. However, it’s spilling over into way more, so everybody might not get a slice of cake and I’m not gonna pay for anymore food. It’s gonna be in my showroom, ’cause where I live is like Designing Women: I design and live in the same place.

Funny you should mention Designing Women. One of those blogs out there calls you Suzanne Sugarbaker.
Suzanne Sugarbaker! Gawker, they call me Suzanne Sugarbaker. But if they really got to know me, they would find out I’m very Julia Sugarbaker. There are few things Anthony won’t deal with. You won’t be mean to other people, you won’t be disrespectful to other people. More importantly, I like things to be in place and that was very much the character of Julia Sugarbaker. Suzanne Sugarbaker was a bit pretentious. I’m not pretentious. She was overly concerned about what people thought about her. I’m Julia because I will make you aware of when the lights did go out in Georgia. And it damn sure wasn’t when I got eliminated on Project Runway! It’s gonna take something a whole lot more powerful to make that happen!

This Smells Like the Balls It Sucks

This is a photo of the aforementioned uber-moist floor mat that I took with my cell phone. I noticed when I got into my car after work today that the soggy item is causing a funk to arise in my car, due, no doubt, to its 9-hour fermentation in The Bay's parking lot. I should really buy stock in scented candles and car fresheners.

And You Wonder Why They Quit Making These...

There was a month back when I was in college (I believe it was October of 2000) when my car was broken into for the 2nd time and I was rear-ended by a guy with no insurance. This isn't quite as bad as that but there's clearly something about me that causes similar catastrophes to befall me within a 30-day window. Case in point: Monday I discovered that I have a leak in the roof of my car and on Tuesday I realized I also have a leak in the floor of my car, right under the driver's side floor mat. Fan-freaking-tastic. Oh, and did I mention the warranty on my car expired in January? Yippee skippy! My old Saturn SL2 was a trooper; it died a somewhat early death of multi-system failure at 90,000 miles but up until then it chugged along with barely a blip. I loved it so very much that I bought the next generation after it died suddenly and I was forced to buy a new car. Ugh. My new stupid Saturn ION is barely 3 years old and it already has several windshield chips (the old one received none through 8 years and dozens of treks up and down I5), a mysterious rattle near the trunk that has been "fixed" 3 times but still lives and a wonky set-up in the front console that causes my radio display to flicker intermittently when I use my windshield wipers (this has also been "fixed"). Now it has not one but two leaks?! Ridiculous!!! I guess I need to start brushing up on my water skiing skills because it appears as though I'm a magnet for flooding...

The Beard is Removable!

Oh, my gravy you KNOW you want one of these for your birthday or Christmas... It's a crocheted Conan O'Brien doll!!

[from the etsy site:]

Oh, Conan. We've laughed, we've cried, we've cheered you on and cheered you off. Where would we be without the Walker Texas Ranger Lever, PimpBot 5000, or of course Triumph the Insult Comic Dog?? Conan, you were robbed!

The true king of late night will be moving on to greener pastures (we'll be watching!) but for now this little guy will have to do. He's tall, pale, and red-headed just like Conan. He's even got a removable beard, for those times when he's on strike or off air! Conan's jacket is removable too; dress him up or dress him down. Finished he stands almost 15" tall. Big guy!

This is an order for a completed doll, not yet made, that will take up to 6 weeks to complete. If you cannot wait 6 weeks maximum please do not purchase this Conan. Thanks!!

"...if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."

(If you don't want to drop 80 bucks for a completed doll, you can buy just the pattern for $6.20... !)

Amazing Race 16: Week 9

I. Hate. Caite. I hate her voice. I HATE her laugh. I hate her attitude. I just hate everything about her!!! Ugh. Brandy and The Other One said one mean thing about her the very first week and somehow Caite has blown that into a race-long vendetta. Gah! The cowboys had better pick up the pace and sharpen their game because they lost their lead really quickly this week. If I have to choose between the cops and the models, my brain will explode. Must... have... cowboys...

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Hell hath no fury like a beauty contestant scorned. (And Caite, ''scorned'' means ''treated with disdain.'' Fine, Caite. ''Disdain'' means ''contempt.'' And, no, I'm not continuing. Buy a dictionary. Yes, that's that book with all the words.)

Sorry if I sound like Brandy, but I think Caite deserves some backlash. She's been full of vitriol for weeks now, and, other than this week when hatred made her unusually efficient, she seems to be advancing in the race simply because other teams mess up.

But we'll get to all the negativity later because it was an episode full of attempted cheats and insults. First, let's focus on my new favorite team: Dan and Jordan. These two have been underperforming for weeks but still providing some of my favorite commentary of the season. They're hilariously underprepared (how do you go on Amazing Race without knowing how to drive stick?) yet have managed to outlast seemingly stronger teams like Steve and Allie. And this week, the two brothers (who are always adorable in their affection for each other) managed to pull out a first-place win. And the cherry on top? They gave their motorbike-hating mama a shout-out. What mensches, those two.

So we kicked off the week in Malaysia, where the five remaining teams had to take the 400-mile bus and train trek to Singapore. Their first task was to find Allan Wu, the host of Amazing Race Asia. I wondered if he'd look like Phil, all snug pants and spiky hair. Alas, he looks like a regular tourist, sitting, reading the paper. I don't know why the sitting struck me as weird. Phil never sits. He stands, he walks, never sits. Perhaps his knees don't bend and he's been hiding this curious ailment from us for all these seasons?

On the bus to the train, Caite started in on one of her many Carol and Brandy rants by flashing an evil smile and proclaiming, ''I'm 100 percent U-turning the lesbians if we get there first.'' She seemed just a little too happy about this statement, prompting Dan to wonder, ''Because they're lesbians?'' (You go, Dan. Call her out!) Jordan also questioned the wisdom to U-turn a team that isn't a front runner, but stopped short of questioning the fact that he'd questioning Caite's wisdom.

All teams made it to the same sleeping train where germaphobe Dan looked like he was about to plotz. ''Hello, disinfectant wipes!'' he said. The other teams seemed more ready to lie down in the sleeper cars, only to rush to the door before the stop. Carol and Brandy somehow thought it was okay to ask to pass everyone, as if the other teams would all of a sudden forget they're on a race and let a competitor jump first in line. Um, nice try. But Brent's analysis was way out of line. ''Ladies get their way. Bitches don't.'' And proof that God hates misogynists came quickly enough when Caite tripped over her own feet leaving the train station.

The teams made their way to the Victoria Concert Hall in Singapore (''My kind of city — super clean!'' said the Monk-esque Dan). Dan and Jordan hot there first and wisely chose to search the outdoors for Wu, who was still sitting reading that newspaper. This may have been the smartest move they made all season because it gave them the first crack at the Fast Forward and propelled them into first place. The other teams thought Allan Wu is hiding inside the concert hall because they seemed to search every corner until they realize he might be hanging outdoors.

By the time the other teams found him, Dan and Jordan were well on their way to the Singapore Flyer, which Phil told us is a ''giant wheel of fortune.'' I half-expected a gargantuan Vanna White to harness them in. Dan and Jordan had to ride up this ginormous ferris wheel to 541 feet, exit their capsule, and walk along a metal beam to the next capsule. It looked absolutely terrifying.

''I'm so scared,'' Jordan said, uttering a complete understatement. I'm pretty sure he'd lost all blood flow to his face, and his limbs were shaking. I started to get worried that Louis and Michael (who'd left their Detour to try the Fast Forward) would get a shot because Jordan would pass out before completing the challenge. But repeating the mantra of ''A million dollars. A million dollars. You're in a race for one million dollars,'' Jordan made it across to capsule #2. ''I'm just surprised I didn't pee myself,'' he said. Dan seemed to have no problem whatsoever which was surprising if only because that metal beam can't be all that clean. ''He never ceases to amaze me. I could have run this race with anyone else but it wouldn't have been the experience I'm having with my brother,'' Jordan said. Awwww! And with that, the brothers rode over to the Marina Barrage and won his-and-his motorbikes for coming in first place. ''There is no chance either of us will step on that for a second,'' Dan said. ''Our mother would kill us,'' added Jordan. ''Are you serious?'' asked Phil, who was either afraid of losing a future sponsor or doesn't know any Jewish mothers.

But the other four teams had plenty of ground to cover. Their first task was a Detour where they could pound the drums or pound the pavement, which translated to learn how to play a drum sequence or sell ice-cream. All teams opted for the drums, which bummed me out because I was secretly dying to see who on earth would eat a slab of ice-cream between a piece of white bread. Not that I should mock. In our country, people have been known to eat fried Snickers bars, so it's not like we're on some higher culinary plane. My dreams would come true soon enough, when two teams had to sell that Singapore favorite.

''I find dancing a little bit helps me get into the rhythm,'' Caite said while learning how to play the drums from one of several completely adorable little boys. I think she thinks dancing means swaying your butt side to side, a movement the cameraperson seems all to willing to document. Perhaps she should have given Jet some dancing tips. ''Music is one of those things that doesn't come natural for us,'' said Jet, not adding that grammar can go on that unnatural list for him as well. And poor Carol was ready to bail. But no one seemed to be as bad as big Michael. ''I have absolutely no rhythm. I'm as white as white can be,'' he says. Indeed, he was devoid of rhythm and said to the obviously underage drummer, ''Thank you my friend. We're off like a prom dress.''

So Louis and Michael headed off to sell ice-cream as Brent and Caite rocked the drumming. Carol and Brandy finished after them, with no idea of the bad luck ahead. And Jet and Cord managed to score the next clue as well. ''Ice-cream from some crazy Americans!'' Michael yelled to people on the streets and quickly sold plenty of sandwiches. Michael and Louis' taxi driver bought 10 bars, which seemed shady to me, like he was magically going to get a really, really big tip at the end of the ride. Then again, the guy did spend what seemed like a long time in the bathroom at the Fast Forward parking lot so maybe he was really, really hungry.

The next stop was Istana Park, where Brent and Caite decided to U-turn Carol and Brandy. ''I want to U-turn the lesbians, and they're behind us. That's all I care about! Yay!'' She was way too excited putting up their sticker. And, indeed, Carol and Brandy were way too bitter when they saw their sticker. ''They U-turned us cause you're prettier than she is.... it shows their level of intelligence,'' Brandy said, beginning her rant about Caite's embarrassing pageant question blunder and talking about how unintelligent she is. Carol piped in every so often but mostly looked ashamed about her girlfriend's bad sportsmanship. And Brandy wasn't stopping! ''Stupid is as stupid does…it's Brent and Caite Gump!'' Come on, Brandy. No need to be so mean. To Forrest Gump.

When they went back to do the ice-cream challenge, Brandy hot little sympathy from us viewers when she snipped to Carol, ''I refuse to be in the sun.'' Yes, Brandy, prima donna demands always end well for racers.

Meanwhile, the rest of the teams made their way to the Road Block, which Phil told us looked simple but had ''the potential to drive them crazy.'' The task was counting the links in an enormous chain, and the magic number is 521. I'm not sure why Phil built it up to be such a difficult challenge because every team got it on the first try. When Michael dug out his counter from his backpack, I was virtually certain he'd fail, but he too got the right number, if not the clipboard. Wasn't there something in his backpack to get him to remember to read the clue? Once finished, Michael tried to steal Carol and Brandy's cab with a ''they'll be mean to you'' excuse. Alas, the cabbie doesn't go for it.

The final challenge in this packed episode was taking the Mega Zip on Sentosa Island. Brent and Caite were first to the 1,200 foot long zip line. ''That was wicked cool,'' Caite said after bragging to Brent that she finished before him. (Dear Caite, You're in a race against other teams, not your teammate.) And then she left us with the knowledge that she has to ''pick my wedgie.'' Thanks, Caite! They came in second, and Jet and Cord made it to the finish mat third.

We were led to believe it was a race to the finish for Louis and Michael and Carol and Brandy. But the sunlight was so different while they're racing that it's obvious that Carol and Brandy were far behind. Sure enough, they were eliminated at the mat and continued what they'd started earlier with their Brent and Caite bashing. I can't say I disagree with their assessment of Brent and Caite's collective intelligence, but they should have gotten over it. They lost, fair and square. Brent and Caite outsmarted them on this leg. And that's a fact. It's also one of the few times ''smart'' and ''Caite'' will ever appear in a sentence.

Am I being too harsh on Caite? Do you love Dan and Jordan as much as I do? Will you miss Carol and Brandy?

I've Seen Slash at Wendy's!

I came across this from the I'm With Coco page and thought it warranted a repost. After all, I am going to support Coco on his Legally Prohibited From Being Funny on Television tour later this month. Should be excellent! I'm excited.

NBC Attempts to Edit Around Slash's Team Coco Pin

Did Slash really wear a Team Coco pin on The Tonight Show last night? NBC doesn't want you to know, but it's true.

[via I'm With Coco]

When Slash was booked to perform on last night's Tonight Show, NBC surely didn't think he would show up wearing a Team Coco pin. But, he did. Slash went on Leno's show to proudly and somewhat brazenly show where his loyalties lay in the Late Night Wars.

As expected, Leno's crew worked around the problem and did all they could do make sure that Slash's pin didn't get much camera time. In fact, it only made this brief cameo in the performance.

If, like me, you're not necessarily interested in enjoying the musical stylings of whoever this is, the most incriminating bits occur @ 2:16 and especially 1:33, when NBC would rather have a shot of an interfering cameraman than Slash's button.

Oh, and if you're wondering about the title, I did indeed see Slash at a Wendy's down in L.A. Not necessarily post-specific but I still thought it was an awesome title.

Amazing Race 16: Week 8

Dag gummit the cowboys did it! Weehoo!!! I gotta say, I had no hope whatsoever of the cowboys pulling it out but they were AWESOME! I am so glad they balanced brooms on their noses as kids. :o) (I'm sure Robert knew they were okay because I didn't pitch a fit about watching the episode like I normally do when the people I like don't do well... but too bad. I had to look!) If only Brent and Caite had gone home - she. drives. me. crazy. Crazy! Soooo whiny, I cannot stand her voice for one more moment. Please-oh-please, Amazing Race Gods, make Caite's glittery headband go rogue and squeeze her so tightly she has to drop out. Please.

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One profession trumps all others in cinema history: the noble art of driving a cab. You've got Martin Scorsese's Taxi Driver, the best New York movie ever made, and Michael Mann's Collateral, the best Los Angeles movie ever made. Bruce Willis had his best role and worst hair playing the air-cabbie protagonist in The Fifth Element. And then, of course, there's the single most important film to come out of Hollywood in the '80s: D.C. Cab.

I was meditating on these great films during last night's episode of The Amazing Race, which formed an hourlong ode to the impressive skill and cruel power of cab drivers. Every team's performance last night was due, in small and large parts, to how talented their drivers were. Some cabbies knew the quickest route to everywhere in Penang. Some cabbies were loyal. Some cabbies got lost. And one cabbie picked a deeply inappropriate time to stop for gas. Michael put it best: ''One bad cab driver can cost you a million dollars.'' Before the night was over, one bad cab driver kind of did.

First, though, let's take a close look at the comeback kids:

Jet and Cord
Next to Louie and Michael, the Cowboys are probably the most charming team in the Race. And whereas the Detectives are talented at deploying their charm as a weapon, Jet and Cord just seem like a genial pair of dudes. They keep finding themselves in ever-more-exotic environs, and they get by on luck, pluck, and a basic faith in human decency. In France they looked lost, though, and in the Seychelles they started to seem a bit lazy.

Last night proved validating for the Cowbro Faithful, despite a shaky start. Coming off a last-place finish, Jet and Cord seemed just a little bit nervous. On the 21-hour flight through Dubai to Penang, they played Optimist/Pessimist. ''We're tied for sixth,'' said Jet. ''And first,'' argued Cord. Cord was proven wrong almost immediately, as the brothers were the last team to find a taxi to the Snake Temple. (Snakes… why did it have to be snakes?) Jet: ''How do you say fast in Malaysian?'' Cord: ''Fast.''

At the Snake Temple, teams had a choice between two challenges that emphasized Malaysia's diverse culture: Buddhist Tradition or Chinese Custom. The Buddhist Tradition was a classic feat of strength: carrying 12 giant incense sticks up 150 steps and lighting them on fire. The Chinese Custom was just the opposite, a classic equilibrium test: Teams would have to balance the tall Chingay flagpoles on their forehead and carry them across an esplanade. (Aside: Phil Keoghan's accent is always face-meltingly awesome, but there was something especially wonderful about the way he pronounced ''esplanade.'')

Viewers, which challenge would you have chosen? I definitely would've gone for the incense sticks, but the Flagpole challenge was a clear spoiler — a challenge that could either take a minute or an hour. When the Cowboys were the only team to make a move for the Flagpoles, I figured it would be their Waterloo. When they couldn't find a cab (their first driver abandoned them), I got even more anxious.

But then! An older-looking driver picked them up, and while other teams were struggling through traffic (more on them soon), their driver sped them over to the esplanade. Cord carried the Flag across the field like it was his job, and Jet wasn't too shabby either. The brothers explained that they used to balance brooms on their nose when they were kids. Parents: Next time your kid asks for an Xbox, give them a broom. You'll be doing them a favor.

That quick finish put the Cowboys in fine position, but they still had a Speed Bump to deal with after their last-place showing. They had to jet over to a tropical spice garden, find a lady preparing spice teas, determine which tea was made from the crushed spice, and then deliver the tea to a meditating guru.

The purposeful slowness of this challenge — tea, meditation, pretty garden, giant swing — could have derailed a lesser team. But the Cowboys have a peculiar ability to keep their emotions in check. Cord's sinuses were closed, but Jet still figured that he had picked the right tea. The Guru on the Giant Swing shook his head. The brothers didn't freak — they just ran back down to the lady and picked up another tea. The Guru on the Giant Swing nodded happily. Cord shook his hand. Can Cord be an ambassador to somewhere?

By this point, the Cowboys were several hundred furlongs ahead of the other teams. They polished off a perfect game day with the Road Block, which completed the Diversity Triangle with a Hindu ritual. Jet had to smash up some coconuts to find one with a bright-neon interior. After that, he successfully designed an offering (''This is my first time for arts and crafts,'' he explained.)

Cord looked on. He was wearing Jet's black hat over his own white hat, which seemed to suggest that the Cowboys have found a perfect yin-yang good-evil balance in their approach to the game. (Aside: I acknowledge that Cord's hat is actually more light-brownish. But it makes more symbolic sense if the hat is white.) (Second Aside: If Jet and Cord win, I think they should be required to fight each other for ultimate victory, just like when you beat Double Dragon with two players.)

Carol and Brandy arrived at Teluk Bahang just in time to see the Cowboys speed off to victory. ''How did they get so far ahead?'' they asked. Their reaction reminded me a little bit of the recurring phrase in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid: ''Who are those guys?''

The Savage Detectives and The Brainless Beauties vs. Team Haterade
I don't know how I missed it last week, but the ''Previously On'' montage at the start of last night's episode showed a shudder-inducing fist bump between the Detectives and the Models. Turns out that there's a genuine Race-crush going on between the two teams. ''They're good kids, they're respectful,'' said Michael, clearly gone crazy from dehydration. ''I call them the Daddies,'' said Caite.

We saw the teams do some bonding. Brent pointed to Louie's snake tattoo. ''That's St. Michael killing the devil there,'' said Louie. I went to Catholic school growing up, and I well remember learning about the Michael versus Satan grudge match when we learned about the Book of Revelations. Getting really metaphorical, Louie said: ''The serpent is Carol.'' Last week, I was a bit surprised to hear the Detectives throw so much vitriol in Carol and Brandy's direction. But looking through the message boards, it seems like quite a few viewers share Caite's view of the girlfriends. My heart belongs to Team John Ford, but I have to say that I'm a slight fan of Carol and Brandy. Yes, they're a bit hoity-toity, but if they're only real crime is being mean to rude airheads. I say, that is a crime worth applauding! Plus, they're pretty much the only team left in the Race who actually has any travel experience.

I suspect that the Detectives were playing up the hate to win over Brent and Caite. To the camera, they admitted that they were mostly just anxious about that travel experience: ''Everywhere we go, they speak a little bit of the language.'' Really, it just looks like the Detectives are playing the Dating Models like puppets — they've got Caite all excited to ''U-Turn the BLEEP out of them.''

The Detectives are playing a smart game — we also saw Michael lend Steve some underwear. But they were caught in a Malaysian traffic jam on the way to the Buddhist Temple. That meant that the first two teams to start carrying incense sticks were Team BC and Team CB. Carol said, adorably: ''How are your eyebrows? They're about to get singed.'' Brandy said, even more adorably: ''Why do I always pick these physical tasks?'' Come on, people, what's not to love?

It was enjoyable how the two rival teams kept passing each other on the stairway without ever looking each other in the eye. Brandy was tired kept taking breaks, so Brent and Caite jumped ahead. When the two teams were about halfway finished, Michael and Louie finally arrived. ''The Daddy Cops are here!'' said Caite. '' I wish God would turn on the air conditioning,'' said Brent.

Michael managed to carry up three or four sticks at a time. Louie carried one and had some bad-sounding cough fits. ''Cardioman is back!'' said Michael cheerfully. ''My cardio,'' Louie explained, ''I don't even want to talk about it.'' That's between you and your doctor, Admiral Mustache.

Several times at the Incense Stick temple, Caite yelled, ''We caught up to the lesbians!'' She always makes the word ''lesbians'' sound vaguely offensive. The God of Taxi Drivers clearly agrees with me, because karma was instantaneous: although Brent and Caite were the first team to leave the Temple, their cab driver took them to what looked like a dairy farm in the mountains. Caite: ''I think this is the wrong place.'' Brent: ''We're just gonna check and see.'' Caite: ''Don't freak out on me!'' Meanwhile, Carol and Brandy surged ahead. Take that, Team Heterosexual!

Carol crushed a few dozen coconuts and finally found one with the bright-colored interior. Louie crushed exactly two coconuts before finding his own. Because the universe demands a balance, that left Caite to crush a few hundred coconuts. And by god, did she crush them. Die, coconuts, die! I'm officially amending my desert-island fantasy: instead of me and Jessica Alba fighting merman zombies with cricket bats, it's me and Caite crushing coconuts on Brent's concrete head.

Oh, I kid. As much as I've been poking fun at Team Superficial, they clearly possess a kind of idiot-savant genius for this race. After their enemies Brandy and Carol raced off for a second-place finish, and their friends/puppetmasters the Detectives zoomed off for third, Caite finally found a coconut with a neon interior. It was bright pink, the color of her soul. She looked positively serene setting her Hindu offering into the waves.

I keep saying that they're going to be kicked off, but Caite and Brent keep on surprising us. I can't really figure out what their secret is. They're rude to the locals, they can barely speak English, and their teammate chemistry is pretty toxic. But somehow, they make it work. Not to get too heavy with the allusions, but the Dating Models bear a striking resemblance to the titular couple in Roman Polanski's 1971 version of Macbeth.

Team Brothers vs. Team Bring-Your-Daughter-To-Work-Day
Steve raced one hell of a race. I had a sense of foreboding at the start of the episode, though, when we saw him and Allie enjoying a nice idyll (paid for by 7-Up) on the beach. It looked uncannily like Ben and Kate's breakfast on the beach from Lost, which fans might recall marked the beginning of the worst story arc on that show.

I've given Steve most of the credit for the team's success, so now I have to lay the blame squarely on his shoulders. He made a whole series of mistakes during last night's episode, but if you could point to the one decision that really set him on the road to ruin, it was the choice to bow to peer pressure. He initially declared to Allie that they'd go for the Flagpole challenge, but he seemed to get anxious when he noticed that everyone else was heading to the Buddhist Temple. He told his cabbie to follow the Brothers.

I don't have any feelings either way about the Brothers. Maybe it's because we haven't heard very much about them. We know that Jordan loves The Amazing Race, and we know that Jordan is the one with the bandanna, and that's about it. They seem to me like consummate middle-of-the-pack racers, and sure enough, last night they got caught in a push-pull race-to-the-bottom with Steve and Allie.

When Steve and Allie decided to beat the traffic by walking, Jordan and Dan followed them. That left both teams struggling up the hillside, while the Detectives sped along. Steve had told their cabbie to follow them, which he did. Hooray! JorDaniel followed their cab on foot, which meant that both teams ended up in the wrong place. The Brothers tried to swoop Steve's cabbie, but the cabbie was loyal. Unfortunately, the cabbie also had no clue where he was going. And this led to Steve's second crucial mistake of the day. He opted to make a break for the Flagpole challenge, despite Allie's protestations. Turns out that Allie was right to be shrill: She couldn't balance a flagpole to save her life. (In fairness, Steve didn't seem to have much luck with it, either.) Daddy and Daughter then hopped into another taxi.

Jordan and Dan had a terrible night, too. We've seen before that the Brothers have a tendency to be a little bit too hasty, and that tendency was on full display last night. First, the Brothers sent their proclaimed ''Best Driver in Malaysia'' away. Later, Jordan forgot to build the floating part of his miniature offering. Dan was upset: ''Read. The. Clue.'' Jordan: ''I'm such an idiot.'' Listen, the Models have pulled some boneheaded moves, too, but they at least seem to be getting marginally smarter week-to-week.

Despite some last-minute surges by their helpful taxi-man, Steve and Allie came in last. Steve claimed that being on the Race was more important to him than his World Series ring. He also made every woman in the audience cry when he noted of Allie, ''I still look at her as my five-year-old little girl.''

Viewers, I thought last night's episode was one of the most exciting of the season. The Cowboys had a perfect game. The Detectives are laying the groundwork for some delicious underhanded shenanigans. There's rivalry between Team BC and Team CB is set to explode at any moment. At this point, I think we're shaping up for a Cowboys vs. Detectives finale, with Brandy and Carol as possible spoilers. But with only five teams left, I have to ponder: could Team Superficial actually win this thing? And if so, does that indicate that it is actually okay to judge a book by its cover?

By the way: we here at EW.com have heard the people sing, and they are singing, ''Get rid of that Mama Weaver Picture!'' Sound off in the comment boards if you have an opinion about whose picture you would like to adorn our Amazing Race All About page. It could be a former contestant, or a current contestant, or the Afro-Eurasian landmass, or the Phil Keoghan's cruelly handsome face.