Last Stop for the Lurv Bus

Sigh. I am sad. My favorite Sunday show is done for the season and, most likely, forever. :o( I am, of course, referring to Rock of Lurv Bus. I LOVE that show! I'm serious. I look forward to it every week... yet I'm always torn when I see it in my Now Playing list. My first instinct is to watch it right away. But once I watch it, it's gone for the week! What to do?! Alas, it is a problem I will face no longer because the season finale was two weeks ago and last Sunday was the reunion wrap-up. :o( Mew. Here is EW.com's take on the finale:

And just like that, another round of Rock of Love has drawn to a close. It seems like only yesterday 20 upstanding young women were fighting for the chance to be Bret Michaels' girlfriend, reading raps off of STD info sheets and taking shots out of each others' lady parts. I wish Bret the best in his quest for true love, but I can't be the only one secretly hoping this relationship doesn't work out so we get a fourth season of this delightfully trashy show, right?

Anyway, going into last night's showdown between Taya and Mindy, the question was whether he'd go with the bats--- crazy one or the other bats--- crazy one. Not that I'd question the emotional stability of any woman who would compete for the affection of Bret Michaels on national television, but...oh, wait, YES I WOULD. That doesn't mean I love this show any less, however.

The finale was lacking in the crazy drunken antics that make this show such a trainwreck to watch, but the final elimination was entertaining. I couldn't decide which part made me more uncomfortable: Taya looking like she was about to vomit the entire time, or Mindy's unsupported cleavage. In the end, I think Bret made the right choice -- Mindy was far too insecure to date him, and Penthouse Pet of the Year Taya has the right pedigree to date an ex-hair band frontman -- but we'll see how long this ''relationship'' lasts.

Did you catch the RoL Bus finale, PopWatchers? If you didn't, watch the final elimination below. Were you happy that Bret chose Taya in the end, or were you rooting for Mindy? Whose flat-ironed hair looked better, Bret's weave or Taya's actual hair? And did you really expect Bret to put a ring on it?

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Now, if I'm perfectly honest, I don't want Bret to ever find his Rock of Lurv. I just want him to shoot season after season of his search for the perfect groupie/girlfriend/mother of his children/home for mind-bogglingly huge implants. But. I still have to root for one girl over another and I was a Mindy fan all the way. Yeah, she was kind of whiny and whatnot but I thought she was a million times cuter than Taya and lived a little closer to Normal Town than her competitor. Plus - Taya kept insisting that she is 29. I am 29. If Taya is 29, I'm African-American. Please! Ugh. And her gigantic fake eyelashes always drooped and looked like they were weighing her eyelids down so much she couldn't keep her eyes open properly. And she has weirdly arched and too-far-apart eyebrows drawn in. Ick. But I also rooted for Jes and Ambre so I guess I was due to root for a loser. Dang. Here's EW.com's mini-review of the reunion:

Anyone catch the Rock of Love Bus reunion last night? (You know you did -- 'Fess up!). If you happened to miss it because you had a prior commitment/you prefer The Amazing Race/you have a life, here are some highlights: DJ Lady Tribe announced she's been attending rehab (in slurred sentences, of course), Natasha got into a Daisy-Heather-esque brawl with Kelsey, and the ever-quoteable Ashley flirted with the possibility of a romance with "hot bitch" Brittanya. (She did not, however, address her current stance on on whether fans of basil = lameness).

Huh? What's that you say? You want to know what happened between Taya and Bret? Come on, do you really need to ask? After watching Bret search for a STD-a-licious rock of love for three seasons, you should already be able to guess the status of his relationship with his strangely coiffed Penthouse Pet. (In Bret's exact words: "We'll see." In my words: It doesn't look good, folks.) Sure, Mindy fans like myself are happy, but I'm hoping for some more good news to come out of the relationship's inevitable termination: another season of Rock of Love Bus. Yes, I know Bret claimed at the outset of Rock of Love Bus that this would be his final season. But surely, that will change now, right Bret? (Please?!) At least do it for my well-being: Though I find the Poison frontman to be a charming reality TV leading man—and therefore genuininly hope he does one day end his search successfully—I do not think I would be able to cope with the boozy hilarity that is Rock of Love. In fact, I'm prepared to continue watching Bret hit on pukey, surgically enhanced ladies until he looks like this.

Still no word on whether or not Bret will cave and do a 4th Lurv go-round so keep your fingers crossed! You know he and Taya are breaking up in a week... if they haven't already. Until then, I highly recommend this amusing behind-the-scenes recap of the reunion, courtesy of VH1:

Touch My Backstage Pass

One More Reason to Be Depressed

I missed the third season premiere of Rock of Lurv last night... the horror!!!!!!! DANG!! I suspect this is because the show is now called Rock of Love Bus with Bret Michaels and not just Rock of Love - as such, my TiVo did not know it was supposed to record it. Shoot!!! It'll be on again soon, I'm sure, so at least I won't fall behind but still... that might've made my last night of vacation a bit more palatable.

Here's the scoop on the show, direct from the VH1 Web site:

This time around, Bret is bringing the women along as he travels America for a month-long solo album tour, Rock My World, to show them what the rock star life has to offer. As Bret rolls into each town in his pimped-out black tour bus, a pink bus filled with beautiful blondes and a blue bus filled with gorgeous brunettes competing for his heart will follow close behind.

In past seasons, Bret made it clear that life on tour with a rock star is not easy and can present unique challenges. So, each time the buses pull into a new city the girls will take on challenges specifically relating to Bret’s life on the road. They may have to greet aggressive groupies with polite smiles, dodge the advances of the warm-up band, or even fill in for mysteriously missing roadies. From ice hockey and Mud Bowl 3 to a sexy dance off and working backstage, the girls get down and dirty, as each one strives to stand out among the rest.

The winner of each challenge will be rewarded with a date showcasing the best of what middle America has to offer–perhaps a toast atop the St. Louis Arch or a romantic picnic in the shadow of the world’s largest chicken. For some, however, the challenges will prove too much and they will have to face eliminations and at least one girl will be left at each stop. Whatever the case may be, these girls will definitely be put to the test to win over Bret and handle the crazy life of a rock star girlfriend. In the end, there is only one VIP pass for Bret’s true Rock of Love.

Bret released his highly anticipated full length solo album Rock My World on JUNE 3, 2008 from VH1 Classic Records which debuted at # 39 on the Billboard charts.

Random Round-Up 16

Boo!!!! As most of you know, I hate change. So much so that I recently had someone liken me to a turtle - I'm ever so happy in my shell and content to just poke my head out once in a while to see what's going on. If I don't like it, I just bury myself back in my shell. I don't think this was a compliment. Anyway, my point is that I am at my most comfortable when surrounded by the known. You can imagine my displeasure, then, when I read that Hasbro is 'updating' Clue... by putting in a spa room and ditching the lead pipe (among other transgressions)!!! Good grief! That is just ridiculous. I don't really want to play Clue if it's taking place in The Hills or the Big Brother house, you know? Bleh. EW.com feels my pain:

Some of changes that make me cringe: The now-excessively pimped-out mansion will boast more rooms — including a spa and theater — and Colonel Mustard will shed his military garb in favor of a football uniform as a former sports star. And prepare to say goodbye to the lead pipe, which has been replaced by three new weapons — a trophy, a baseball bat, and an ax.

For me, the reason I stayed home on Saturday nights to play Clue loved the game was because it was so archaic. It was far more fun and silly to solve the crime when you imagined it being committed with such ridiculous turn-of-the-century objects as a lead pipe and a candlestick holder. (Michael Slezak, on the other hand, likes the addition of the ax, making his case with the irrefutable rebuttal, "Axes are hot.") Plus, Hasbro's going about this all wrong. Come on, if we're really going to make Clue modern, shouldn't Miss Scarlett — now with a first name: Cassandra — have a sex tape and her own E! reality show? And Hasbro should at least include a pair of sunglasses so players can tear them off David Caruso-style when they say, "Mrs. White, in the hot tub, with a bottle of Cristal. Looks like she showed her true colors."

Stupid young people. They ruin everything!!! Next thing you know, they'll get rid of Hungry Hungry Hippos because it promotes unhealthy eating habits. Gah!

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Now I have some Christian Bale news... yaaaaaaaay! ;o) Two quick things: (1) It turns out he will not face assault charges after all for his mother's crappy trumped-up allegations* (yes, we speak regularly and I know this for a fact, people); and (2) Robert is a wonderful man. He knew I wanted the UK edition of August's GQ (the U.S. version has Seth Rogen on the cover - that tells you a lot about the differences in our cultures!) so he looked and looked and finally procured one for me. *sigh* He's the sweetest.

*Even a statement by the CPS seems to corroborate this: "Whilst the CPS treats all incidents which take place in a domestic context seriously, it is important that the views of complainants are also taken into account when making decisions in such cases." It's crystal clear here, people - Christian Bale's mom sucks. Fact!



And just LOOK at who is on the back cover:

It's as if the magazine and I were meant to be. It's true.

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This has nothing to do with anything but I came across it yesterday and was reminded of just how funny it was. Robert and I really like Ricky Gervais' HBO show Extras and this episode was quite hilarious. (Robert loves one part in particular - can you guess what it is? I bet you can!) The clip below isn't the entire episode - it's just the bits with Daniel Radcliffe. But, really, do you need to see anything else to know it's a funny show? I think not.

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Mini TV Tidbit: According to Ausiello, "Aliens in America's Adhir Kalyan, is joining the cast of... CBS' Rules of Engagement. He'll be appearing in the recurring role of David Spade's new assistant, Timmy." This is good news because I'm glad at least one Aliens alum has gotten a job. It's bad news because this means David Spade will have a storyline on the front-burner. Bummer. I think he's funny (he's very good live, actually) and loved him on Just Shoot Me but he's just so creepy to look at... it's difficult for me.

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2nd Mini TV Tidbit: After much hemming and hawing, Bret Michaels confirmed that Rock of Lurv will be returning early next year for a 3rd season... to be filmed entirely on the road. On a tour bus. Yum. I figured he'd cave and do another season after he broke up with Ambre so I'm glad he finally did. I love the Lurv! I realize 9/10 girls who go on reality shows go strictly to be on TV and not to win whatever it is they're competing for... but statements like

"...he’ll never be over Ambre. Whoever he decides to pick from season 3 is going to have to accept that as well because she comes with it.” - Big John (Michaels' body guard)

do make the show seem all the more pointless!

Rock of Replacements

As you already know, Bret Michaels may not be returning to Rock of Lurv. I will miss his trout pout to be sure, and just who can wear a blond Euro-wig with such pizazz??? Well, Television Without Pity has taken a stab at narrowing down the 80s rocker field to a select few and I highly recommend moseying over and taking a peek - it's HI-larious!! But, if you don't have as much free time as some people I know at your day job, here's a selection of my favorite captions (you still need to head over to TWoP to scope out the accompanying photos, especially for David Coverdale but...), with my two favorite snippets bolded for your convenience:

• I Wanna Rock Of Love With Dee Snider

I have zero basis for this theory, but I've always thought of Dee Snider as one of those Gene Simmons/Marilyn Manson types who, underneath the makeup and aside from the constant single entendres about oral sex, is actually a very bright, savvy guy. Like, by night he's this metal-god drag clown, but by day, he enjoys reading dense academic histories of medieval Japan or what have you.

Wikipedia doesn't back me up on that, but if it were true, I would totally watch the show, because he'd have all these women in leather bustiers all up in his grill, but he'd pick the one he could bond with over rotisserie baseball or Shaker furniture or something.

I realize that I'm overinvested in this idea, but you have to make your own fun in life.

On another note: You know that line from Dazed & Confused where Adam Goldberg's character is like, "I bet she's kind of cute once you clean all the shit off her"? Yeah -- he's actually okay-looking. Get him into some cornrows and you've got a good start.

• Paradise City Of Celebrity Rehab Fit Club Shear Genius Love With Slash And Axl Rose

Okay, maybe neither of them is still using; I don't wish to cast aspersions. But let's face it -- Axl is not what you would call a conventionally handsome guy. A lot of his mojo relied on his ability to torque that whip-thin body around all snaky-like, and...well, this picture isn't so bad, but based on others I've seen, his "Bad Obsession" is not with the garden salad.

If he's motivated to do sit-ups, maybe he'll get motivated to finish the album he started during the Eisenhower administration, is what I'm saying.

And surely it's time for him and Slash to cut those mops off -- especially Slash. Not to sound like my grandmother, who apparently lay awake nights worrying about how me and my cousins couldn't see through our bangs, but: how does the guy function? I picture him bumbling around the grocery store, shopping by feel because he can't see anything. "That's $269.78, sir." "What?! ...Shit, I must have grabbed caviar without knowing it." (Made me laugh out loud!)

The '90s ended. A while ago. Get a nice curly demi-fro and move on; you'll enjoy quality time with the groupies that much more if you can actually see them. Although, at this late date...maybe not.

• Here I Go Again With David Coverdale

Did Coverdale always look like Molly Shannon, or is this a recent development? And please tell me it's just a trick of the light in that shot, and his chest is not actually that vintage-Samsonite color. Regardless, if he wants a couple of dozen hopefuls to writhe around Tawny-Kitaen-style on the hood of a European sportscar, methinks doing up another button or two would help his case.

• Come Sail Away With Dennis DeYoung

Alternate titles include Dennis DeYoung's Crystal Balls and Domo Arigato, Mrs. Roboto.

Alternate wardrobe includes, um, anything but what he's wearing in the pic above. I kind of don't understand what's going on with that... TRL Presents Oklahoma!? Kilroy Was Here -- And He Took All My Clothes, So I Had To Beat Up An Old West Tour Guide?

• Whoooooooop! Of Love With Little Richard

Little Richard looks for love? Could be profoundly disturbing; could just as easily be historical hilarity on the order of Mr. T's show from '06. Little Richard is Big Weird, but I loved his Geico ads...who's with me?

[tap tap] Is this thing on?

(I really like his Geico commercials, too!! Make me laugh.)

• Rock Of Loaf With Marvin Lee Aday

I've really got nothing past the "loaf" pun.

• Who's Cryin' Now With Steve Perry

I'm having a flashback to the scene in Ghostbusters when Mr. Stay Puft turns rogue. Seriously...what happened to his face? I don't have the same skin I had at 25 either, but good grief.

Rock of Lurv? Rock of LIES!

This honestly doesn't distress me that much - it's not a huge surprise given the outcome of last season. Plus, I wouldn't mind a Lurv 3, y'know what I mean? ;o) Still, I thought it only right to share the scoop (especially since he addresses his weave!! Yes! We all knew it! Glad to have it confirmed...!):

1. Who Wants Rock of Love 3?

Basically, a link to the article listed below. It's pretty short, so here's the whole shebang -

Fool me once, shame on Bret Michaels. Fool me twice, shame on sad, gullible me...For some inexplicable reason, it wasn't hard for me to believe that an '80s rocker could find love on a VH1 reality show. After all, the former Poison frontman spent plenty of time waxing about not wanting a "Rock of Lust" or a "Rock of Like" but a true "Rock of Love." With sentiments like that, the bandanna aficionado had me drinking the vodka-spiked Kool Aid in no time. Last weekend's mostly-dull-except-for-the-Heather-and-Daisy smackdown reunion special gave me little reason to question Michaels' intentions. In fact, he and winner Ambre seemed quite cozy together and even dished about secret trysts during their VH1-sanctioned separation period between the end of filming and the season finale.But just as quickly as my rock 'n' roll love bliss marathon had begun, it came to a soul-crushing end after I stumbled upon a recent interview with Michaels. In it, he claims he never really came into the show looking for love. "I said this from day one: I went into this to have fun and maybe find someone to like," he says. "True love is not going to be found instantly on a TV show." Yes, that's probably true, but that's not what you said before! I cry foul! Michaels goes on to say that he and Ambre are not in love (they're going to see what happens), and he doesn't dismiss the possibility of a third Rock of Love installment, though he's now hoping to star in a new show called Bret Michaels Big Rock Road Show.Who would rather watch a bus load of busted, middle-aged rockers instead of a bevy of dim-witted (but amusing) beauties? They may be vapid, but I'll take the Rock of Love girls any day over former rock gods wiggling in too-tight jeans and guyliner. [I agree - more Lurv!! Less rock!!!]

2. Bret Michaels' Q&A

The "recent interview" as mentioned above. It's only a page long but it's still too much to post in one hunk-a-chunk here, so here are a few highlights:

Q: Do you feel that doing a reality show hurts your credibility as a rocker?
MICHAELS: I am a rock star/musician who has had, with a lot hard work, a continuous and long career with or without reality TV. When I went in and they came after me when I was going to do "Rock of Love," they gave me this novelty concept. They were trying to go back to '86. I lived '86. I loved '86, but I live in 2006/2007. I love my spandex and cowboy boots from '87. I thought it was fantastic. (But) I didn't want my show to be a novelty. I have generations of fans. I think the show has been a plus for this reason: it has exposed my solo act. It has exposed that this is really me.

Q: Isn't it every man's dream to date three women at once?
MICHAELS: The date is the dream because it looks good for your image. However, saying lines while the other ones can hear it and then turning to another and saying the same line is not a smart move. [It's also not smart to give them the same necklace as a gift, man! He's just lucky only one of the two finalists actually wore the monstrosity to their final dinner-a-trois!]

Q: Did you have a conversation with Jess about breaking up?
MICHAELS: When she came back from the show, she was cold as ice and angry. I put her on the spot. I said, "Listen, if it is for show, why would I be inviting you to dinner?" At the reunion, they never showed this, but I said, "How long have you been with your boyfriend?" Her boyfriend and her sell shirts in Chicago. Maybe you should ask her who is for show. I thought she was a pretty girl and intelligent and funny. All the other girls told me she has a boyfriend who sells shirts in Chicago and that was the shirt she was wearing the whole show.

Q: What are you hiding under that bandanna?
MICHAELS: My hair is combined of my hair and the finest extensions Europe has to offer. I do the show without it on all the time and they won't film me. They are like, "Put your bandanna back on. It is your image." It is my signature thing. [As annoying as the bandanna is, if he's ever seen on the show without it, it's very disconcerting. It doesn't really look like "real" hair and it sits very strangely atop his head - it's like a car accident. I don't want to look at it but I can't look away! And this year's coif is quite the improvement over last season's yarn, that's for sure!]

Poo to You, Too, Tommy Lee!!!

Yeesh. Apparently, Tommy Lee doesn't like Rock of Lurv ... which at first offended ex-wife's lips tattooed on me and then I thought "This man married Pamela Anderson. And has Prince'shis neck. And hasn't showered since 1986. He clearly has taste for crap!" :o) Not only does Tommy think it's stupid, he's apparently too good for the show and turned it down:

Motley Crüe drummer Tommy Lee is no stranger to reality TV (remember Tommy Lee Goes to College?), but that doesn't mean he's a fan of celebreality. Following a press conference and performance to announce Motley's new album, Saints of Los Angeles, and this summer's Crüefest tour, the always-outspoken stick-man revealed he could have had Bret Michaels' VH1 gig but turned it down. "They asked me to be on the second Rock of Love and I was, like, 'Are you out of your f----- minds? F--- no!," he told EW.com. "I think it's the stupidest s--- I've ever seen." Crüe singer Vince Neil, ironically, was more forgiving of their Poison peer. "I think it's pretty funny," he said. "Trying to deal with 20 chicks in the same house? You gotta hand it to the guy."

I find it hard to believe VH1 offered Lurv 2 to ol' Tommy - are there really 20 women out there who are excited by the prospect of contracting Hepatitis C? I think not.

TV Tidbits 03

Here are a couple of blurby-poos about Top Chef and Rock of Lurv, courtesy of realityblurred.com:

1. Top Chef 4 is 'Too Profane' -

In a weird little coda at the end of Top Chef 4 last week, the contestants erupted into a fight, sort of, that was difficult to parse because so many people were getting made at each other for different reasons—and because the whole thing was a big bleep-fest.

As it turned out, some people, including head judge and chief ornery bastard Tom Colicchio, have noticed that this season has more profanity, and they’re not happy. People leaving comments on BravoTV.com, always the best gauge of public opinion, “had criticized this season’s profanity from ‘day one’ and that Bravo, which broadcasts ‘Top Chef,’ had received complaints as well,” The New York Times reports, attributing the information to Colicchio.

Tom said that “the way they’re bleeping” might be problematic. The Times artfully describes that by noting that “Bravo’s censors leave much of the offending syllables intact. … Instead of a fig leaf, the network holds up a sprig of parsley.”

Andy Cohen told the paper that the profanity has been striking but is just the way these chefs are. “It’s struck us from the first cut we got of the first episode. At the network all we can do is bleep like crazy and, you know, maintain our standards while maintaining the integrity of what’s going on in the kitchen. I mean look, it’s who these people are, and we try to show these people as they are.” One of the current contestants, Spike Mendelsohn, said his family was shocked and “I was actually surprised myself when I watched it. I didn’t want to be so foulmouthed.” But he also doesn’t wish he’d done something differently. “Not at all, that’s who I am,” he said

2. If you haven't seen the Rock of Lurv finale, STOP READING NOW!!!!! Seriously. Robert, I'm talking to you - you don't want to know who won! (ROL is one of our favorite shows so you would think we've seen the finale already. But, because it's the last episode, I'm saving it until I just can't wait any longer. I hate when it's over!!) Anyhoo, apparently the finale really isn't the last episode because there's a reunion ep coming up this Sunday... during which Daisy and Heather get into a knock-down, drag-out fight. Sweet! -

This Sunday at 9, VH1 will air a reunion of the Rock of Love 2 women and Bret Michaels. And let’s just say runner-up Daisy and Heather from season one are not exactly friends. Here’s their violent confrontation, which is one of the most physical altercations reality TV has seen in some time:

Meanwhile, Daisy told VH1 that she and Bret “actually didn’t officially have sex until the very last night, and that’s what hurts my feelings. Of course, Heather just wants to make me look bad and make up s*** or whatever the f*** her problem is. But the fact of the matter is that we did not have sex until the end. During the last elimination, he knew that I was very emotionally attached to him because we’d been physical, and I just thought it was really uncool.”

As to her feelings for Bret, Daisy says, “It took me a good two months to recover from everything. Not just Bret, but everything that happened. I kept replaying it in my head, wondering what I did wrong and thinking why. I felt like if he didn’t like me, if he wasn’t making the connection with me, I almost wish he would have eliminated me a long time ago. Am I over him? Yeah. Every time I see him, it brings back those really emotional feelings. But I don’t think that Bret understood that there’s not going to be any type of physical relationship with him unless we’re in a relationship. That’s just how I work.”