HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

Happy Birthday, Robert!!!

Because it's your special day, I thought I'd humor you and post your most beloved photo of all time:

Woohoo!!! You look good, babe. And, as always, I shall relish these few months (well, two months and 10 days) that we are finally the same age.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

More Halloween Photos

I think I shamed Robert into lighting the pumpkins... first thing in the door on Monday night he was on a tear to find tea lights! And when I asked him if his newfound fervor for lighting the pumpkins was due to my calling him out on the blog he didn't deny it. Success!! So here are a few more photos of our jack-o-lanterns in all their glory.

First, with the camera flash:




And now - full darkness:




You guys know how much I hate being nice to Robert but - I think his Barack pumpkin turned out awesome!!! You can really tell who it's supposed to be when it's lit. Very cool. In fact, I've commissioned him to carve my pumpkin for my office's carving competition on Friday (we're allowed to take the pumpkins home on Thursday night... probably because they don't want to clean up the pumpkin mess at work). Don't worry - my boss OK'd it. :o) Although, when I called Robert to ask him if he'd do it, all I got out was "We're having a pumpkin carving contest at work..." before he said "So you're calling for some award-winning services?" Jackass.

Celebrity Costumes Revealed

1. Mariah Carey
2. Nicky and Paris Hilton
3. Christina Aguilera
4. Lindsay Lohan
5. Britney Spears
6. Heidi Klum
7. Kate Beckinsale
8. Alyssa Milano
9. Jenny McCarthy
10. Elisha Cuthbert

Wow! I'm proud of me - I got #s 1 and 2 right after all!! Can I spot a skank ho or what?

Movie Morsels 40 - Harry Potter

A new trailer for Half-Blood Prince is available, so of course I had to snag it!

Mew. Stupid summer release date!

Dinners & Pumpkins

Saturday was the 2nd of Robert's three scheduled birthday dinners and this time we headed out to Banchero's with Cindy, Biji and Biji's girlfriend, Laura. (You might remember Laura from our horrific Yosemite trip... not because she made it awful (she most certainly did not!) but because she was with us. You know what I mean.) Here we are at the end of our meal, (please excuse the Swiss chard sitting front and center), one of only two groups still in the restaurant at 9:30. Now, I love Banchero's but I'm not so in love with their early closing hour. I hate being the last person in a restaurant!! And I guess I could just suck it up and go earlier but we got there at 7:45... I kind of figured an hour and 45 minutes would be an acceptable amount of time in which to finish a meal. It's very sweet that the waitstaff doesn't rush you out the door but on the flip side, they don't really rush themselves, either! Oh well. We still had a lovely dinner and I'm very glad we got a chance to celebrate with Biji, Laura and Cindy.


On a completely different topic, Robert and I carved our pumpkins last night. Robert has been giddy about carving pumpkins this year for some reason so Saturday afternoon we headed out to the pumpkin patch. Small problem - there are no friggin' pumpkin patches in Fremont!! Or if there are, we could not find them. Finally, we went to the one at that weird little fruit stand on Fremont near the freeway onramp but it wasn't so much a "patch" as a "corner." You could stand in one spot, spin around in a circle and see all that was before you. Still, we refused to buy our pumpkins at the grocery store - unfestive!!! - so we picked our pumpkins and headed out. I, of course, selected a Charlie Brown pumpkin as I always do. You know, pretty on the front side but dented or otherwise undesirable on the back. I had my eye on another rejected pumpkin at first but Robert felt it was a wee bit too far gone to be of any use. And, I have to admit, he was right - I think there was definitely some moldy soft spots on the bottom. :o( So I picked another deformed guy, Robert chose a tall one and off we went.

I haven't carved a pumpkin in years (I think 2002 might've been the last time I did) and I wasn't about to de-goop my pumpkin when Robert was perfectly content to do so. So, I set him to work...



Robert tells me every year about how he won a pumpkin carving contest at his dad's company two years in a row and was then prohibited from entering ever again. Every year he tells me. (*sigh*) So, of course, he had to show off and pick some super-squiggly design with lots of little pieces - the Barack profile. I, on the other hand, am not quite as talented and even less patient so I picked a pattern with big, chunky pieces to cut out. I'm the Lennie half of our relationship, pumpkin-wise.

See? I had already lost my patience - Robert is taping my pattern on my pumpkin for me because I couldn't get it to lie flat enough. Yeesh.




I have only just begun poking my outline holes and already I'm annoyed. I don't understand when the fun is supposed to begin...




Outlining? Done. Now I must start cutting.



Success! Completion! Thank goodness.



Robert had no trouble with his and he was annoying me by being so friggin' efficient so I didn't care to take any photos of him. Pbbbttth! Still, here he is with his finished Obama face:



I was pleased that mine actually came out as well as it did and I think Robert was happy we finally got to carve our pumpkins. He's a total square, though, and doesn't want to put candles in them because it's a "fire hazard." That's what you're supposed to do with jack-o-lanterns, you loser!!!! I'm working on him... and even if ol' Barack doesn't get illuminated, my spider sure as heck WILL!

Amazing Race Recap - week 5

I started off this season optimistically, but I'm coming around to the fact that this year's cast is pretty unimpressive. Everyone is either unlikable or unmemorable. I don't mind unlikable, as long as they're unlikable in a unique way, like, say, Mirna and Schmirna or Jonathan and Victoria. (Although I'm not sure if "abusive husband" qualifies as unique: Are they like snowflakes, no two alike?) But if a racer is unlikable in a way that I've encountered many times in my own life, why would I want to watch them for an hour? I'm speaking mainly of divorcées Kelly and Christy: Life has been pretty good for me since college, in that I haven't encountered many smug, petty cheerleader types who will snicker about someone's haircut from five feet away ("Doesn't that hair remind you of Teen Wolf?" Kelly said about Dallas). I don't watch any of Bravo's Real Housewives of...series for the same reason: I don't want to be reminded of this personality type. And now, here they are, clogging my race. It'd be one thing if they somehow pushed the bitchy stereotype even further, but no: They're just run-of-the-mill jerks. Yawn. Hate, but yawn.

We had a little too much airport time in this episode of The Amazing Race, something we haven't been subjected to very much this season. This focus was mostly in service of fleshing out Dan and Andrew's sad-sack story line, which is a pretty banal one: Two pretty dull guys really, really want to be extraordinary, but it just ain't in the cards. When they were told they just missed the second flight to Cambodia, Andrew (or "exhausted Seth Rogen," as I've taken to calling him) glumly accepted their fate. But Dan would not accept defeat, so he raced to the airline's check-in counter and did get them on the plane. It looked like a turning point, but then what happened? They landed in Cambodia and both stood around helplessly as everyone else got cabs, while they couldn't figure out how. And then, later, when they had to fill up a truck with diesel fuel, they were the only pair that couldn't get the pump to work, mostly because Andrew turned the crank like he was 80 years old, which I suspect — deep, deep inside — he is. Ken was bewildered by why they were having such trouble: "There's no trick," he told them, "It's like pulling the zipper down and letting it flow." And yet I fear an upcoming "take a leak" roadblock, in which we'll see a yet-again-stymied Andrew weakly batting at his zipper as a stain of urine slowly spreads across the front of his shorts. These two guys are the Charlie Browns of this race. Auuuuugh, indeed.

Ken and Tina are slightly interesting to me, although less so when they get along. They began this leg with Ken going on about how well the couple is interacting, and that was almost enough to make me turn off the TV. Luckily, when he continued on with "What is an old man and an old woman doing out there..." you could see the anger switch get flicked in Tina as her eyebrows flexed from her standard angry angle to Super-Angry 5000, and she snapped, "Speak for yourself." So I decided to stick around. To paraphrase Jerry Maguire, Tina had me at "I hate you, Ken, and every word out of your mouth is poison to my ears."

Then there's hypersensitive Terence, who just exhausts me. When he got a speeding ticket in New Zealand, and Sarah said, innocently, "I always thought you were a slow driver," he sighed, "Such an ass." (It was unclear whether he was referring to her or himself, so I'll have to let that one lie.) But he went on to say, "That's the way you comfort someone who just got a speeding ticket?" Look, Sarah's reaction was the kinder one: The correct response to someone getting a ticket is "You jerk, why'd you slow us down?" But it raised a bigger question: He's a running coach, but why would anyone hire someone with such pathological neediness as a motivator? What does he tell his clients, "When I tell you to run a five-minute mile, and you can't, it really makes me feel like I can't do my job, which hurts me?" Does every session end with his clients coughing up blood because they're trying to run faster than their bodies can handle, just to keep Terence from crying? If this passive-aggressive style of coaching ends up succeeding, maybe he'll get a running shoe named after him: The Nike Sulk.

The main suspense in this episode came as teams kept passing each other in trucks, taxis, and boats. After a while, I couldn't tell who was in the lead; it was just a series of shots of different teams yelling at their driver to go faster, and yelling, "Who was that?" "That was ________!" as someone zipped by. The only variation came when Nick and Starr passed Ken and Tina, and Tina yelled, "Gosh dang them, turkey lips!" Much like Terence's "Such an ass" comment, it was unclear whether she was calling Nick and Starr or Ken "Turkey Lips," or whether that was just a general down-home swear word, like "Bull feathers!" I have to be careful judging lines like this: You never know when you're missing a pop-cultural reference. For example, when Aja said Cambodia was "hotter than Satan's toenails," I thought, "That's creative," but after Googling it, I found it was actually a quote from the movie First Sunday. So if I search for "Gosh dang them, turkey lips," will I find it's actually a line from Cat on a Hot Tin Roof? Or maybe it's from one of Tennessee Williams' lesser works, Simmering Wife on a Hot Tin Boat.

The first challenge was at the gas station, but from there the teams boarded boats to take them to a restaurant in the midst of a floating village. Mere yards from the clue, Terence and Sarah's boat crapped out just as they were yelling, "Fast, fast, fast!" Terence began madly trying to push the boat with a pole, an approach I'm guessing he tried only after guilt-tripping the engine failed: "You know, motor, I'm in a race, and I really need to feel supported, and I feel that by belching black smoke and filling up with water, you really weren't there for me."

The restaurant was the site of a detour: Either take your boat around the village, picking up such items as a pair of fake chattering teeth (at the dentist) and a basketball (at a floating hoops court); or wade into the water to find two full fishing traps. The boat errands ended up being easier, although I felt bad for the woman in the dentist's chair. She had to sit there all day in a human Primitive Dental Treatment diorama; every time a team ran in, the dentist leaned over her with a rusty clamp, yanking on one of her few teeth. I don't know much about the acting opportunities in this particular floating village, but that seemed like a bad gig.

Once again, Kelly and Christy proved unable to follow a clue, as even before getting the detour clue, they reflexively followed Tina and Ken's lead and began sinking baskets even without knowing why they were doing so. Later, Christy said, "We need to be in first place so everyone else starts to recognize that we're a force to be reckoned with." But doesn't the fact that they never land anywhere near first place prove that they're not a force to be reckoned with? That's like me saying, "People will start to realize how smart I am when I win that Nobel Prize in chemistry!"

From there it was off to the massive temple of Angkor Wat to find a tiny chamber of echoes. There were amusing moments: A frustrated Tina ran right through the Chamber of Echoes without finding it; and Andrew stated that he had a great sense of direction, only to then literally look under a rock — Hey, no chamber here! Better check my pockets: Oh, chaaaaamber! While the roadblock was visually and culturally interesting, challenge-wise it was a bust: We've seen too many racers in seasons past darting around too many museums/multi-roomed landmarks to make this in any way new.

Ultimately, Nick and Starr came in first. (A team that I don't have much to say about; they're good competitors, but not particularly memorable.) And in no surprise at all, Aja and Ty were eliminated: Once they were an entire flight behind, and never encountered another team through the whole leg, it was obvious that they weren't a factor. I suppose that's why we never saw them bickering; instead Aja just kept mentioning how much she loved Ty. It was like they had this clarity of vision that they were not long for this game; it reminded me of the calm that Thelma and Louise exhibited before they drove over a cliff. If only they had taken some of the other teams with them.

Aaah, now this was a good recap. Mainly because I completely agree with Josh on so many things: (1) I, too, was perplexed as to whom Tina was referring as "turkey lips;" (2) the poor woman in the dentist's chair just made me cringe every time I had to watch the dentist yank o her tooth with that gargantuan appliance; (3) Terence IS exhausting! The dude is unfathomably needy. I would have popped him in the face many moons ago!!! Ugh. And, most of all, I agree that all the teams this season are completely lackluster. Just last night Robert and I were trying to decide which team to root for and decided that there just isn't one. The mother of the mother-son team is way too creepy. Terence is completely out of the question and Sarah's not much better (*cough* ENABLER! *cough*). The stupid divorcee chicks are too snarky and WAAAAAAY too stupid to warrant any support. The fat fratties are, for lack of a better word, retarded. They are too, too retarded - and not even in a fuuny or goofy way - for me to care one whit about them. I should feel bad for them because they've looked like such buffoons on national television for so long that they're never going to get laid again... but I don't. Robert refuses to root for Nick and Starr because her name is stupid. And Ken and Tina are mean and annoying but, again, not in an oddly amusing way. They just grate on your nerves. Although, if she ever does draw her eyebrows to read "hate" and "you," I am totally on board. :o)

Ayyyy! Puzzle 12: Celebrity Halloween Costumes

Clearly, the poster is using 'costume' in the loosest definition possible. What the heck is #10 supposed to be?! I don't even know what costume that is, let alone who's wearing it! Sheesh.
You know the drill - Answers? Wednesday. Guesses? Comments.

Nonvoter Video

It's 8:45 on a Saturday morning and I am at work. Why? Because I'm trying to accrue some CTO for the mandatory leave accrual usage days coming up in December. Do you care? Probably not.

Anyhoo... since I do most of my blogging at work I thought today should be no different!! A friend of mine here at The Bay sent this to me and I thought it was kind of cute:

My favorite is Kipu Lobsang (and his goats). ;o)

Hot Men Alert: Daniel Craig

Hey, it's been over a month since my last hot men post - that's some real willpower there, people. As you can see, Daniel Craig is on the cover of this Sunday's Parade magazine promoting the only-three-weeks-from-tomorrow premiere of Quantum of Solace. (Woohoo!)



If you don't feel like reading the article via the pics above, you can access it at Parade's Web site here.

Movie Morsels 39: Transformers Spoilers

All right, Robert and Wade - this one's for you. These spoilers come from TunaFlix with the caveat that they may just be deliberate misinformation bits planted by Michael Bay. I don't really care either way because, let me tell you, I've read this twice now and it is just gobbledygook to me. Maybe because I never did and stiill don't give a rat's ass about Transformers... who knows? ;o) Anyhoo, here goes:

• Arcee doesn't die in the movie, she just doesn't show up until later on, and spends much of her time as a robot.

• The movie was not shot in sequence, everyone seems to think that the stuff being shot now is the end of the movie ... Only Bay knows for sure!

• Only one character combines with another Autobot to make a bigger robot ...

• The Constructicon is 9 vehicles together but will only make a brief appearance.

• Scorponok is back in force, and he swims down and uses his interal "spark" to refire ONE of the Decepticons ... Who, Im not tellin' ...

So, there you go. Hopefully that all means something to you. You're welcome.

Stupid Headbands Revealed

1. Mary-Kate Olsen
2. Mischa Barton
3. Lindsay Lohan
4. Vanessa Hudgens
5. Molly Sims
6. Sienna Miller
7. Kimberly Stewart
8. Nicole Richie
9. Ashlee Simpson
10. Peaches Geldof

So, 6 out of 10 is horrible, I guess. And given that I was going solely off headbands and greasy hair, it's probably pretty good! I sort of knew #5 wasn't really Lauren Conrad (the top didn't really look like something she'd wear) but I was desperate. And I would never in a million years think of Kimberly Stewart or Peaches Geldof (especially Peaches - hello, I'm not British). I guess I could've someday thought of Mischa Barton but in all honesty she's not ever really on my celebrity radar. Oh well!

Movie Morsels 38: 17 Again

I doubt this movie is of interest to many of you BUT... just in case you're a closet Zac Efron fan, here's a little something for you:

Now, I only watched this trailer on mute at my desk at work but one thing struck me immediately - why is Zac Efron the only person billed in the trailer? I think Matthew Perry may have something to say about that. I mean, sure, the guy's not having a stellar career but I do think he at least warrants a mention in his own movie! And what about Leslie Mann? Her name may not be instantly recognizable but her face is - she's Mrs. Judd Apatow and has been in The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Knocked Up, Big Daddy... They could at least do one of those "Starring Zac Efron, Matthew Perry and Knocked Up's Leslie Mann," no? Then I realized: High School Musical 3 comes out this weekend. This trailer is obviously going to run before each showing and, thus, the producers really want to push the whole Zac Efron angle. And suddenly the world makes sense again.

Robert's Birthday Dinner (Take 1)

Every year, I have a hard time wrangling people together for Robert's birthday. And it's not just because his birthday's so close to Halloween (though that often doesn't help). For some reason October seems to be a hot month for weddings, showers, parties and I don't know what else - no one is ever available on the same weekend. And so it was this year. The only weekend our friends Nora and Joe could make was, of course, the only weekend my sister and brother-in-law, our friends Jo and Judy, Cindy and Biji could not. But, since I haven't seen Nora and Joe since January I told Biji to suck it and I went ahead and scheduled the dinner for the 18th!! (Before you feel bad for Biji, know that I told him about my reasoning and he was fine with it. We are going to try to get together on a weekend closer to Robert's actual birthday so he won't be completely left out. [Thus the "Take 1" mention in the title].) Luckily, Melanie and Wade were able to rewicker their plans so they, too, were able to make it.

We didn't do much - we had dinner at Claim Jumper and then just hung out at the condo for a bit. It may sound boring to some of you but we are boring and we had a very good time. :o)


This is just a photo I took while testing which flash I wanted to use. I'm sure Nora is thrilled.


I really like this photo - I only wish the remains of our meal were cleared off the table! And I felt a little bad for Wade... I'm so used to sitting next to Robert that I immediately yelled "Suck it in!" when the waiter started to take the photo. Then I realized I was sitting next to the wrong person and apologized. :o) Wade said he did suck it in, though.


Robert models his new hat from Nora and Joe.


It really had been a while since we'd gotten together with Nora and Joe - we hadn't ever forced them to play Rock Band! Something we rectified rather quickly.


I was very pleased Nora was finally persuaded to pick up the guitar. Then I felt bad because she's left-handed and we didn't do the lefty flip for her. She still did just fine.


No one ever wanted to sing so poor Melanie got stuck singing all but one of the songs.


I felt a little bad but I just had to get a photo of Nora while she still had her tummy. She said she doesn't have any photos of her pregnant yet! And she's 6-months along already!! I think she looks adorable.

We still have a dinner with Robert's family and the dinner with Biji to go so just sit tight - I'll have lots more Robert photos to come!

Amazing Race Recap - week 4

Hmmm. Usually, I love Josh Wolk's recaps of The Amazing Race but this one... I don't know. There were no laugh-out-loud bits for me and he likened Phil's dad to a dirty old man. Dang! Phil's dad was my favorite part of the entire episode!! I think it was awesome that, Phil being a native Kiwi and all, his dad was his mat mate. And I would most definitely have given him a hug. (In fact, I was quite dismayed that none of the teams - except maybe the fat frat guys but, ick, I hate them! - were as tickled to see Phil's dad as I was. Stupid boring Racers.) I'm definitely not saying that I'm ready to break up with Josh or anything like that - just that I'm a little less impressed with him than before. He'd better step up his game! And get off Phil's dad's case.

The Amazing Race can't always let a team's mutual irritation flower slowly and organically. Sometimes it can't fit a partnership's growing animosity into the show until one week has some open space and — BAM! — they finally spring it on the audience: instant bickerers!

When this episode began, and the teams made their way to Auckland, we saw a tension between Aja and Ty that we hadn't seen in previous episodes. Tension like this doesn't just "begin," it festers over a series of days; clearly this had been building for the past couple of episodes, we just never saw it. For example, let's look at Aja's quote "I swear, if you say 'bit us in the butt' one more time, I'm gonna jump off a cliff." If you looked at the cutting room floor of the last three episodes, I'm assuming you would find a series of scenes in which Ty said "bit us in the butt," while Aja gradually cringed more and more forcefully. If you put them together in a flip book, it would look like a time-lapse evolution of a grudge.

Regardless of how we got here, now pretty much everything Ty says irks the snippy Aja. She's become so bossy that Ty called her, "Fidel Castro," which, as a pet name, leaves a lot to be desired. Start yelling that out in the boudoir, and you're liable to be hauled in by the House Committee on Un-American Activities. It did look like it broke the tension...at least until Ty bumped the curb and got a flat, which took the air out of his good times with Aja as fast as it did the tire.

With all the romantic/friendly tension going on in this episode, perhaps the first small challenge — untying a giant spherical knot — was meant to be a metaphor: Could the partnerships unravel all their differences, or would they remain — yes! — tied in knots? Or, conversely, were the knots just a result of a challenge producer forgetting to plan ahead and quickly ordering some PAs to snarl some rope to stall the teams while he wrangles some Maori together?

Either way, the game worked, and as the teams busily scratched at the balls, I learned another fun fact about the players: It turns out that Amazing Race teams can be mesmerized in the same way as a common housecat can. Next week, perhaps the roadblock will involve jumping up and batting at the world's largest windowshade cord.

This week's roadblock, however, had players facing an army of apoplectic Maori warriors to try to find the one with the facial tattoo that matched a card. Here's what this challenge taught me about Maori warfare: What it lacks in modern weaponry, it more than makes up in tongue-wagging. Now, if players approached the right warrior, they earned a clue and a nose rub. But if they picked the wrong one, he would snatch away the card and run. Was this also part of Maori military strategy? Is this how their generals negotiated treaties? If the terms were not to their liking, they would grab them and run off into the hills? So the two Maori techniques I learned were: sticking out one's tongue; and grabbing a possession of your enemy and running away. From this limited lesson, it seems like they share the same tactics as a 5-year-old boy. I'm not familiar with their wartime history: Instead of D-Day, did they have Opposite Day?

This roadblock took place on top of a dormant volcano. Every team drove there (as the clue specified), but the divorcees couldn't find the road, and thus ran the whole way up the mountain. When Andrew and Dan passed them in their car, and asked, "Why are you walking?" they snapped back, "We decided to walk." I'm guessing that's a scene that their ex-husbands will play over and over again on their TiVos. Sometimes the only thing that can ameliorate the pain of writing an alimony check to a woman who has bashed you repeatedly on national TV is watching said woman make a stupid decision on national TV.

The frat guys were also having communication problems: Dan is a know-it-all, apparently, and makes Andrew feel secondary. I wasn't aware those two were rankable. If you asked me to slot them in order of adventure skills, I would stare back at you as if you'd offered me two rocks and asked me to pick which one I thought was the better pole vaulter. But Andrew proved his mettle in the Maori challenge, even if he did look utterly perplexed when the warrior tried to indicate that they should rub noses. Andrew had a horrified look on his face as if he were about to first rub Purell on the warrior's nose.

Later, at the detour, after giving up on the task of smashing kiwis to make juice, the frat guys went to Plan B: Build and ride two Blo-karts. (But I barely know karts!) There, Dan kept muttering about how he was not mechanically inclined. The big tip-off came when he tried to attach the wheel to the wind. "Give me sports trivia and I'll beat everybody!" he said. Yeah, and make awkward conversation an Olympic sport, and you'll take home more gold medals than Michael Phelps.

Luckily, Andrew knew a thing or two about assembling rudimentary sporting equipment, and he put both Blo-karts together. Afterward, a content Andrew said he would never rub it in Dan's face, but it was good to know Dan had realized how much he needed Andrew. But did he? It looked like Dan was still in the backseat, muttering to himself about how he would be happy to take on the Blo-kart in a head-to-head match over PGA trivia.

They weren't the only ones who bailed on the kiwis. Turns out there were jagged rocks on the bottom to help crush the fruits, which caused major foot pain; and to make matters worse, kiwis aren't that soft. Sarah and Terence, who maintain they are getting along better (as long as Sarah continues to keep Terence calm by reassuring him with head rubs and, presumably, tossing the occasional candy "BE MINE" heart into his mouth), were one of the only teams to finish the task. Probably because this task suited Terence's ADD: There were so many kiwis in there that if he started thinking, "I should smash that one. No, that one! Whoops, how about that one! No?" then he'd end up being quite thorough and productive.

Nick and Starr were one of the teams that dashed over to the Blo-karts, and Starr probably wished she didn't. She flipped her Blo-Kart twice, and the second time she thought she broke her arm. Back at the kiwis, Kelly and Christy probably felt a disturbance in the Force the moment Starr went down, and it empowered them to smash faster and harder.

Scramble as they all did for first place, it was moot, as Ken and Tina had long ago won the fast forward pass after climbing to the top of New Zealand's tallest building to fetch a Travelocity gnome. Through all this, Ken talked very enthusiastically about the great strides he and Tina were taking together, communication-wise. And yet it's hard to get too optimistic, as when he talks about what an incredible wife she is, she just stares up at him as if wondering what his shrunken head would look like on her key chain.

And as there's always a first team, there's gotta be a last, and this week it was the Southern Belles. It was no surprise, considering they were confused from the very beginning: They couldn't find the giant knot, even when it sat right in front of them. I wouldn't have been surprised if they took turns trying to unsnarl each other's shoelaces first and then just looked around waiting for a clue to drop from the sky.

Ultimately, they finished their last challenge in the dead of night, arriving tearfully at the mat. There Phil and his surprise mat-mate, his dad, greeted them. (What next, Jeff Probst's uncle Stan sits in for tribal council?) Seeing the women's anguish, Big Phil volunteered to give them a big hug. He's quite the empathizer. Well, either that or he's a dirty old man. Come to think of it, when you picture Phil's eyebrow raise, only on a 75-year-old, it's a bit Benny Hill-ish. It's the same look you'd give the camera as you use a fishing rod to lift up a nurse's skirt. And it all made me even more grateful that the frat guys stayed in the game. Look how uncomfortable Andrew was rubbing noses with a Maori. Just imagine how freaked out he'd be if Phil's dad started bumrushing him for a little game of graba--.

Are you guys happy to see the Southern Belles go? Were you surprised by the tension between Aja and Ty? And, tell the truth, would you hug Phil's dad?

(The Borders photo is the only one I could find on the Web of Phil and his dad. If you want to check out a little footage of Phil, his dad and the annoying fat fratties, click here.)

Oooh!! I just found a clip of Phil's video diary entry on the Auckland NZ leg of the Race:

Ayyyy! Puzzle 11: Stupid Headbands

Wow. This week's theme is a bit weak but, hey, I still like the challenge. :o) Per Ayyyy!, "[t]his week we test your knowledge of annoying fashion trends with the theme of “Celebrities and Their Dumb Headbands”. Take a look at the pictures below and identify the precocious pretend-hippies." As usual, answers will be posted on Wednesday and my guesses are in the comments.

Take On Me: Literal Video Version

This is pretty much what it sounds like - some guy changed the lyrics of A-ha's Take On Me to match the actions in the video. I found it quite amusing and have watched it 3 times already (woohoo! Friday night par-tay!!!).

My favorite part starts @ 2:27 ("Where the hell are we? What kind of hallway is this? Is this your house?") and continues through 2:33 ("This guy's gonna get an ass-full of pipe wrench!").

Johnny Depp

Johnny Depp doesn't always ring my bell. Yes, he is so very sexy in movies like Chocolat and What's Eating Gilbert Grape? - and he looks like a dynamite kisser - but in his everyday attire he's a bit... wonky looking. Plus, he rolls his own cigarettes which means there is no filter which for some reason conjures up images of black, sticky, tarry teeth and that just douses any fire I might've had going tout suite!


Clean Johnny? Good. Public Enemies Johnny? Goooood.

Stinky, tar-breath, oily, unwashed Johnny? Mmmm... no thank you.

The point of all my rambling? That, whether or not he lights your fire, Johnny Depp is a nice guy. An out-of-the-ordinary-in-Hollywood nice guy. This is a post by a young woman who got a chance to meet Johnny on the Public Enemies set and it sounds like he is truly a sweet guy who appreciates his fans. I highly recommend the 6-page fawn fest but if you don't have time, here are some telling excerpts:

Finally, around 3:30 a.m., a guy we later learned was Jerry—Johnny's ballsy British bodyguard—came over and asked who we were waiting for.

We hesitated. "…Johnny Depp." Sh*t. This is it. This is where he tells us Johnny won't come out and we sat in the freezing cold and rain for nothing.

"Do you have anything you want him to sign?" We all nodded and frantically dug through our bags. Out of foolish hopefulness I'd been carrying my Edward Scissorhands DVD for days.

Jerry told us to write our names so Johnny could personalize them. He said, "Okay, I'm gonna have him sign these, and when he's finished changing he'll come out and do some pictures. Alright?"

and

When he approached, my heart stopped. Time stalled into a weird, slow-motion dream sequence. I couldn't believe it: Johnny Depp, in the beautiful beautiful flesh, looking at me, smiling. I'm surprised I didn't faint or scream or collapse or shatter into millions of pieces.

He shook my hand. I looked into those perfect deep brown eyes and somehow managed, "You are my favorite actor."

He smiled and quietly said, “Thank you.”

Tentatively, I started, "Could I have a…" Before I could finish, he cut me off with a hug. I all but melted. I know swooning is utterly cliché, but—holy God!—I only got the strength to squeeze back from my determination to not make an idiot of myself. After momentarily losing my ability to speak from being in Johnny Depp's arms (!), I beamed, "It is such an honor to meet you."

With his arm still around me, he smiled again, "Oh, the honor's all mine." We took a picture, and for once I wasn’t paranoid that I looked terrible.

and

As we walked, he patted us on the back, squeezed our shoulders, smiled: "Thank you girls for coming out here, I feel so bad that you were waiting in the cold and rain for so long; thank you. Get some sleep, girls." We thanked him in return. I mean, sh*t, Johnny Depp has nothing to thank me for. I have everything to thank him for.

Very classy. It definitely makes me like him that much more (though not enough to completely get past the Smoky Joe Tar Tooth-ness... sorry).

Movie Morsels 37 - Bourne & Spider-Man 4

First up: The Bourne _____ (basically, just the 4th Bourne movie. Also known as The Bourne Who Cares Just Give Us Your Money. Well, according to TunaFlix, anyway.) Variety is reporting that Universal is moving ahead with the 4th installment, having just secured a writer:

...George Nolfi [will] write the script.

Nolfi was co-writer of the third film, which was based on a story by Tony Gilroy.

Though the series is based on the Robert Ludlum novels, the new film won't be based on a Ludlum title, but rather an original story. (Lauren's note: And this makes the movie different from the other movies how exactly?!)

Studio toppers Marc Shmuger, David Linde and Donna Langley are making the continuation of the Bourne franchise a top priority in their effort to mount tentpoles, and they've secured director Paul Greengrass and star Matt Damon to attach themselves to a new film (Variety, February 22, 2008).

Robert will be tickled pink. Me? I think you already know my feelings about a fourth Bourne...

Moving on! (To yet another needless sequel... grr...) MTV posted a little blurb with Spider-Man director Sam Raimi yesterday and it sheds a little light on his thought processes for #4 (and 5...):

Although things weren’t looking too good for awhile, Spider-Man has overcome adversities tougher than a Green Goblin-Doc Ock team-up, and now once again has Tobey Maguire and Sam Raimi in his corner. But what about Kirsten Dunst?

“Kirsten, I’d love to work with her again,” Raimi explained to us this week, making it sound as if current plans to include Dunst for “Spider-Man 4” and “Spider-Man 5” are still up in the air, despite recent statements that she wants to remain with the franchise. “I hope she’ll be written into it. I couldn’t imagine making one without her, and I think she’s an important part of the movies.”

Nevertheless, Raimi admitted that the very nature of an episodic series requires that characters come and go. “I wish I could work with James Franco again,” said the man who directed the first three hit movies. “But his character died in the last one; same with Uncle Ben. Fortunately, we’ve been able to bring back all the dead characters [like Willem Dafoe as Norman Osborn or Cliff Robertson as Ben Parker]. I can’t let them go, in each and every picture; but it gets harder and harder.”

Now things are about to get hard yet again for Raimi, as he’s making plans to continue the cinematic tale of Peter Parker. “I’m really excited about Spider-Man, and I’m hoping to direct it,” he cautioned. “I don’t have a script yet, but production would start probably by March of 2010, I’m guessing. It sounds like a long time away, but we need a script first, and a lot of pre-production has to take place.”

The filmmaking legend also revealed to us that there is a lot of truth behind rumors that he might shoot the next two “Spider-Man” films at the same time. “That had been talked about,” he said, deferring to the head of his studio. “It’s Amy Pascal’s decision. I don’t think it has been decided yet, and she’s the one that’s really going to make that decision; I’m really curious myself.”

By his own admission, “Spider-Man 3” was an exhaustive film to shoot, but Raimi is confident he can handle the double duty. “It would be a real endurance test, probably only Peter Jackson knows how hard something like that would be,” he marveled, hinting that “4” and “5” would be very closely linked in storyline. “If Tobey and me, and all the producers, like the story for two pictures and Amy wanted to do it, then we would do it. It just hasn’t been written yet.”

Finally, Raimi offered comment on the wishes of fans (and yours truly) to finally let Dylan Baker’s storyline come to fruition. “He’s a great actor, and I think one day The Lizard’s story will be told,” he teased, referring to Baker’s Curt Connors character. “I don’t know if it will be this one or not. I just don’t know. I’m definitely hoping to work with Dylan in the picture. I just don’t know who the villain is yet.”

Sigh. Who cares? Even if the movies suck donkey balls and just have Tobey Maguire running around in a circle waving his arms above his head, stupid people will go and see them. Stupid people like me who feel the need to 'finish out the series' even though they KNOW they're not going to like it. Stupid stupid people!

In the Halloween Spirit!!

So, here are a few (grainy) cell phone images of my newly decorated desk at The Bay:

This is the general gist of my desk, as seen from the doorway of my 'office.'




See the little spider in the corner? I hope he's noticeable enough for the people in my office. They're kind of... unobservant. Yes, that's a nice way to say it. ;o)



The only item not crocheted is the spider candy bowl (which only has 6 legs, not 8, which annoys me every year. But whatever). My aunt made all these and I know I purchased some from her but, of course, I don't know where it is so I swiped this stuff from my mom. Hey, she's always with her grandkids at Halloween and so doesn't usually decorate - it's not like she needs it!

Some people at my office are excited that I'm in the spirit and others think it's weird I've decorated so early. Early? Early?! It's October 17th, people! When do you want me to decorate - the day before? Please. The people in FinAid always have a costume party on Halloween and this year the theme is Celebrity Look-a-Likes. So far, people have suggested that I go as Sarah Palin, Britney Spears or Beyonce. (Yes, you read that right.) I'm not too keen on dressing up so I'll probably just wear my Halloween shirt and my bat headband. Besides, I don't think I look like anyone in particular - do you?

PES

Whoa...!! This is very cool. Check out this stop-motion video, Western Spaghetti, from stop-motion animator PES:

I found this fascinating!! The candy corn flames, the bubble wrap boiling water, the Post-it butter... very cool. People this creative really amaze me. You can check out PES's site - and other stop-motion videos - here.

TV Tidbits 31 - Project Runway Finale

I think Television Without Pity summarized the episode best: "The winner of Project Runway is crowned, and since it wasn't Kenley, there is much rejoicing." Too true, too true. If Kenley had won I'd... well, I didn't really have much recourse in all honesty but MAN would I have been Pissed!!! With a capital P.

Much of the talk surrounding Runway's 5th season has been about how lackluster it's been and the recaps of the finale are no exception. Most of what I've been perusing on the Web has been less about the winner and more about whether or not Bravo made a drab finale to cap off a blah season deliberately. (You know, so as to sabotage the show's ratings before begrudgingly handing the show off to Lifetime... if that ever actually happens.) I myself thought it was a fine finale, if a little dull, though I did note that Bravo usually makes the finale an hour and 15 minutes - and this one clocked it an an hour exactly. So maybe there is a teensy bit o' Bravo subterfuge going on, no? I don't have much to say about the finale... except: (1)I'm ecstatic Kenley didn't win; (2) I felt bad for Korto and liked some of her stuff but I did not care for her color palette and it was hard to extract my dislike of the color from my opinion of the dress itself; and (3) the best, best, BEST moment of the entire episode - and maybe the season - was the look on Kenley's face when she found out Tim was going to be the pinch-hitting guest judge. Guess you should've taken his critiques with a bit less bitch, eh, Betty Page McSnaggle Tooth?!!!! HA!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had to pause it and savor the moment. Hee.

Here's EW.com's recap of the episode -

"I think it's bulls---." So were the final words from super-villain Kenley after she and her kooky hats were auf'd from the runway and — like every other non-Jeffrey villain in Project Runway history — awarded third place during last night's finale. Maybe it was her penchant for kinda seeming to copy other designers that did her in. Or maybe it was that stank attitude. Or perhaps it was the Tim factor. Whichever thing did her in, it was disappointing to see that the girl learned nothing, making her exit in true Kenley style: classless, ungrateful, and snotty.

Instead, it was the très talented, if a bit boring, Leanne who was crowned the victor of the (likely) final Bravo-branded season of Runway (sob!), and, boy, did she deserve it. And it wasn't even close: I was lucky enough to attend the final show at Bryant Park weeks ago, where my fellow EW Runway-philes and I agreed that Leanne was the shoo-in victor. After all, she was the only one who garnered a constant stream of applause during her show (though you couldn't have guessed that based on last night's program — methinks Bravo tuned the applause down a bit to add a little more suspense). Not only was her tailoring and attention to detail exquisite (those petals!), but her collection leaves me no choice but to channel Will Ferrell channeling James Lipton: It was simply scrumtrulescent. There really isn't a greater word to describe it. The girl had a vision, she made it work, and she delivered. So congrats to you Leanne. Just do me a favor and tell me where you are when you decide to hand out that $100,000 worth of drinks, m'kay?

But let's rewind to the beginning of the episode, after our all-female final three was forced to say goodbye to poor, sweet Jerell. Our girls had to head to the workroom, decide which dresses they would omit from their collection, and choose their models for the final runway. And this is the moment when I like to play Spot the Model Who Was Once Desperate Enough to Appear On a Reality Show! So here goes: Ooh, there's Shannon from Make Me a Supermodel! And is that Naima from America's Next Top Model? And finally, ten extra bonus points to those of you who spotted Danielle and Bianca from ANTM in the final runway show! And then after you're done with that nifty little game, take the time to play Guess Which Model Spent Some Time (Allegedly) Pummeling Nikki Blonsky? (50 points to the first one who answers correctly!).

Anyhoo, back to the designers, because really, as proud as I am of what's-her-name for winning the spread in Elle magazine, the models are the last thing on our minds. Back in the workroom, Tim made his final visit to the designers, and, as usual, Kenley unleashed some major attitude. The designer planned to make her eerily familiar wedding dress her signature look, because, as she figured, the judges loved it at the last panel. Naturally, Tim reminded her that the judges might not be happy to see the same Alexander McQueen look-a-like gown on the runway, but Kenley, being Kenley, refused to budge (cut to: Tim walking away from Kenley all Mr. Burns-like, planning her ultimate demise). As she said in her confessional after Tim advised her to lose the rope she integrated into one of her dresses: "My decisions are final. And I'm done with it."

But I guess they're not that final — shockingly, the designer opted to follow Tim's advice and choose a different signature look. And it's a good thing she listened to him just this one time: At the final runway show, Heidi announced that Tim would be filling in for Jennifer Lopez as the guest judge (the singer-actress suffered a foot injury, but I'm guessing that's code for bionic leg implant surgery, since she completed a triathlon just days later). Of course, the camera shot to Kenley, who promptly put on her "ruh roh!" face and said: "Maybe I should have improved my attitude." You know at that moment she wanted nothing more than to rip that rope off her dress, sling it on the ceiling, and swing right out of Bryant Park and into a tugboat in the East River George of the Jungle-style. But, of course, the designer stuck it out since her mother and father — who surprisingly, isn't Popeye — were in the audience to see her show, and her self-esteem pills likely don't allow her to operate machinery or a boat of any kind.

Once Kenley's collection got onto the runway, though, I have to say that I actually really liked it. Look-a-like dresses or no, you have to admit that her collection was creative and eccentric enough to be considered both high fashion and fashion-forward. And you could actually recognize the Alice in Wonderland inspiration within each gown, though I ultimately failed to see any garment that looked modeled after a pothead caterpillar (where was the hand-painted bong, Kenley?)...unless that caterpillar went into a cocoon and blossomed into Joan Collins.

If only Korto was as confident in her designs as Kenley. Though the designer has performed nearly flawlessly on every challenge thus far, you knew that Korto had sealed her fate at the end of last week's episode. Her wedding dress was overworked — placing her in the final two — which must have made the designer insecure enough to decide to design two new garments for her collection. Now, that has to be one of the craziest decisions in Runway history, and I'm including Laura Bennett's choice to dress up like Wonder Woman for a promo. Maybe that girl thrives under pressure, but there's a point when it becomes masochistic. And yet, impressive. Two looks in the course of a few days? Are we sure super-sewer Christian Siriano wasn't hiding there somewhere?

Considering the fact that Korto re-worked 1/4 of her collection, it didn't turn out half bad. Inspired by her African roots, Korto presented a line of garments that was colorful, impeccable, and wearable. Out of all the collections that showed, Korto's is the one I'd most likely pick up at the department store, only to realize that no, I can't buy this because I have to eat. And though the judges claimed there was maybe too much detail in the gowns, my only gripe with her collection was that it was a bit expected — unlike Leanne's collection, it didn't really seem all that innovative.

Though Korto's crazy last-minute decisions were able to drum up some drama for the producers, Leanne's transition from workroom to runway was relatively seamless (heh). Her only major issue with Tim was whether or not to include pants in her collection. In fact, the only thing that came close to drama for Leanne was when her model decided to attend a fitting with her dog, who in turn decided to poop next to Leanne's work station (Kenley's voice = brown note for pups?). And the judges were hardly able to critique her collection: Their only fear was whether or not she'd be able to pull out any non-petal tricks in future shows.

So, alas, Leanne was crowned the winner, and so ends our fifth, and probably final, Runway season on Bravo. Do you think Leanne should have won? Are you happy to never have to see Kenley again? Are you surprised Korto was awarded fan favorite? Can you believe there's no reunion show? (I'm thinking of starting a petition myself.) And, finally, in honor of this season's end, I leave you with Bravo's last genius Michael Kors critique: "You're gonna be 'Petals Marshall', which sounds like a stripper, not a designer." Sob!

I just hope people don't think Kenley lost because Tim was too biased... though I will say I'm a wee bit surprised there wasn't more of an uproar over Tim's place as a final judge. I love Tim and I'm sure he was able to separate his feelings and be professional. Besides, Kenley annoyed all the judges on the panel. It could be any one of their biases that led to her downfall! ;o) My deepest wish, though, is that Leanne uses her $100,000 to buy a hairbrush. And maybe a blow dryer.

Oh, and in case you were wondering about the Balenciaga look-a-like gown Kenley made, here's a good side-by-side comparison (courtesy of myitthings.com):

I think the McQueen feather dress is a more glaringly obvious 'inspiration' but this is darn close, too. Stupid Kenley.