I Have 1 Unit!

Well, I finished up the last two modules of one of my two classes this semester and have now officially finished that class. Which means I have 1 unit toward my MLIS degree! Yay? Eh. I mean, I am glad I finished that course so that I can check one thing off my list and now only have 200 to work on the rest of the semester. But I'm still far from convinced that SLIS is for me...

Right now? Me no likey. Robert is convinced that it's not the subject matter so much as the homework I'm having such a negative reaction to but I disagree. I think it's both. It's true, I am still having some major difficulties trying to get myself back into the groove of school - I have, like, zero self discipline. I don't WANT to do homework! Ever. Not after work, not on the weekend... never. So that is a problem. I understand that. However, the material is also not really what I expected. It is dry, dry, dry and everyone else in my classes are so very into becoming a librarian. They're all into how libraries affect the dissemination of information and blah blah blah - and I honestly could not care less. This worries me. A lot. I knew that straight academic librarianship wasn't what I wanted to focus on when I entered the program but that's all that we've done so far and it doesn't interest me in the least. Honestly. Not. Even. A. Little. Robert insists I should tough it out til I get to what I am interested in and then make a decision but I honestly don't know if I'll make it that long. I want to drop out. I'm a loser!! :o(

My First Day as a Spartan

Today is my first official day as a graduate student (though I started one of my classes last weekend). And I am sorry to say that I have been freaking out - heavily - for at least two weeks now. I can boil my anxiety down to three things, really:

1. I feel rusty. RU-sty. I have been out of school mode for almost 7 years now and I have rather enjoyed it! I don't know that I have the self-discipline to carve time out of my weeknights and weekends to do schoolwork. I like having the freedom to come home and play Guitar Hero if I want to! I don't want to do homework on Sunday when I could be snuggled on the couch watching movies!! Boo.

2. I hate people. And I HATE group projects. Somehow I thought I'd be able to avoid such things via the online course structure but I can already tell that's a no-go. I will have to do group projects and presentations via conferencing software and a headset. Me. No. Likey. Not one bit. That's one of the only perks about my job - little to no group interaction!! I realize that, had I a real job in Corporate America, team building would be a necessary evil. I'm spoiled. I haven't had to do that yet. And I don't want to. Cry for me.

3. I have, like, zero passion. I am the blandest person around, I swear. (No wonder they call me Vanilla at work!) Everyone else in my class is like "Oh, it's going to be so hard and it'll be a lot of work but, in the end, I'll get to do what I love. It's my passion!" Really? Clearly, this is where I'm going wrong. I have no passion. No drive. No aspirations, really. So what is going to motivate through the hard work and long hours?! I don't know! Big Mel (at work) says money could motivate me. I guess that's true... but I don't think even that is enough to make me want to give up my own time to pursue much of anything. Aren't I inspiring? Don't be surprised if I drop out after this semester and become a dental hygienist. I'm serious. They make pretty good money.
   

And so to end my cheery moment of oversharing, let me leave you with this thought from Stephen Colbert's I Am America... And So Can You!

The Emotional Cost of Knowledge

The more you know, the sadder you get. Don't believe me? By the time you finish reading this, over a hundred dogs and cats in animal shelters around the nation will have been euthanized.* Bet you wish you could erase that knowledge. But it's too late. You learned a New Idea, and it made you sad. College is just more of the same.

* Don't know if this is true.

Amen.

Graduate School

Okay. So, I've been very hesitant to share this information with anyone but now that I am officially enrolled in my classes, I guess I should share the news - I applied to grad school at SJSU a while back and was accepted. I'll be starting courses in the School of Library & Information Science next month.

As all of you know, I've been floundering career-wise since I graduated from UCLA because I just don't know what it is I want to do when I grow up. Since I still don't really "know" for sure - and that likely isn't to change anytime soon - I thought I should give going back to school a try. I've always liked working in libraries in junior high and high school and so applied on a whim. (Luckily, my GPA passed me out of having to take the GREs because I don't think I would ever have considered going back to school if I had to study for those things! ;o) ) I was accepted a few months back... and then started to panic.

I still am scared to death. It's been a looooong time since I've been in school and every time I think about it I start freaking out. Robert has been a very sweet, patient and encouraging man through all of this and that has been a huge help. The program can take from two years (if you attend each semester full-time) to seven years (if you take only 1 class per semester). I'm definitely going to work full-time while going to school, so this first semester will be a test run of sorts. It may be too hard or I may hate it - who knows? But I'll never know unless I try, right? There are two great things about the program, though, and they are:

(1) It is conducted entirely online, so I can taper my school schedule to my work schedule. Plus, I don't have to worry about commuting from Hayward to San Jose or anything like that. I've already "attended" the program's orientation via podcast (all their podcasts are through Amazon.com) and it was awesome. It really answered most of the questions I have running through my mind (when I can't sleep at night) and the program seems wonderfully well put together.

(2) I can get a fee waiver through the CSU system. Because I work at a CSU I can get my degree for a vastly reduced fee at any CSU. I can take 2 graduate courses for $3, 3 courses for about $350 and 4 for about $490. That is AWESOME. (Robert about had a stroke of glee when I told him.) I'd be a fool not to at least try to get my Master's while I'm working here!

So, that's the big news. Classes start January 22nd... but I'll start stressing out around January 2nd or so. I'm only taking 2 courses the first semester so I can gauge how much work it is to balance work and school (yes, I know a lot of you have done that yourselves quite splendidly but I'm a gigantic worrywart! Leave me alone!). I'll keep you posted as things progress... wish me luck!