Foster a Lonely Pet for the Holidays

I didn't watch last night's Hallmark Hall of Fame presentation A Dog Named Christmas (though it is TiVo'd. I just didn't watch it live because I wanted to make sure the dog didn't die. Yeah, it's a Hallmark movie but still! Old Yeller died. Marley died. Old Dan and Little Ann died. You see where I'm going with this...), but I did catch the final 5 minutes and it looks like a Lauren movie. :o) The movie is based on a book about a developmentally challenged young man who fosters a dog from his local shelter and encourages others in his town to foster dogs that would otherwise be alone during the holiday season. And while the story isn't true, the plight of shelter dogs during the holidays is - many are either left completely alone or are let out of their cages much less frequently due to staff shortages. So, Hallmark teamed up with PetFinder.com to launch the Foster a Lonely Pet for the Holidays program this year in order to (hopefully) get people involved and get a lot of cats and dogs out of their cages and next to a warm fire this Christmas. You don't have to foster the dogs for long - a weekend, a week, whatever you and the shelter work out - but it seems like a fabulous idea and I've already pestered Robert to start thinking about having another dog around for the holidays. :o)

If you are interested, check out PetFinder.com's program page here.

Check out the list of participating shelters in California here.

The Amazing Race 15: Week 10

Ho. Ly. Cow. Are you kidding me? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!! Big Easy took a 4 HOUR penalty on a spelling Roadblock?!?!?! You're telling me the dude honestly believed it would take him more than 4 hours to figure out the word jumble?!! After he'd already spent 2+ hours on it?! And he already knew the word started with 'F'?!!!!! I know he had to fill the form from top to bottom with every new guess but GEEZ! There's no way on Earth Big Easy should've thought taking the penalty was a better or smarter option. No. Way. I mean, he's dumb (helloooooo briefcase challenge!) but C'MON! I'm just flabbergasted. And it's not because I was really attached to the Globetrotters or anything - I liked Flight Time but for some reason Big Easy often rubbed me the wrong way. I think it's just because it's soooooo incredibly dumb. Dumb! Yeesh. I'm all worked up. And as much as I appreciated that I was not alone in my incredulity, I was dismayed to discover that the recapper herself is a wee bit dumb. She ends with "Clearly, the producers were over them too considering we didn't even get to see them finish their tasks. Did they do Legend (Golem) or Lager (beer carrying)? I almost wonder if they even finished those tasks. They didn't look all that dirty or tired by the time they got to Phil." Um, HELLO?! The Globetrotters didn't even do the freezer challenge because, duh, Erica and Brian had already checked in and the producers left the 'trotters a clue telling them to go directly to the Pit Stop when they arrived at the Kryocentrum. Which we saw. On the show. Stupid recapper.
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Gregor Samsa, as many of you recall, is the protagonist in Franz Kafka's The Metamorphosis. He's a traveling salesman who just wants to provide for his family, until he turns into an insect and everything falls apart. Big Easy had something in common with Gregor Samsa in last night's kind of awesome episode: He too just wanted to provide for himself and Flight Time. But instead of turning into an insect, he turned into the BIGGEST MORON ON THE PLANET. Seriously, dude? A four-hour penalty because you can't figure out that 5 letters spell a word? I need a moment to let the rage settle. Let's focus on something else.

Okay. Phil started the episode by giving a voice-over about how teams had to make it to Prague's oldest synagogue, and then further explained, ''a Jewish house of prayer.'' Thanks for the explanation, Phil. When I saw Brian and Ericka's picture next to the Speed Bump sign, I was a little nervous about what they were going to have to do. Go into the synagogue and pray? Eat some schmaltz with Manischewitz Extra Heavy Malaga? (I'm Jewish! I can mock my people's food!) Alas, team by team found the synagogue and got their clue and moved on. Brian and Ericka got there and found out they had to go to the M1 Bar and make absinthe. Phil described absinthe as a drink ''known for its high alcohol content.'' Um, way to sugarcoat it, Keoghan. That's like saying the death penalty is known for being a way to get one last great meal of your choosing. Actually, absinthe was illegal in the U.S. and most of Europe for much of the 20th century and plenty of people still believe it has addictive qualities that make you crazy, psycho, and completely bonkers. Enjoy your speed bump, Brian and Ericka, if you survive! Alas, I'm guessing what they drank was Amstel Light of absinthe since Brian and Ericka managed to get it down pretty quickly and move on. Incidentally, I'm still scarred from seeing that M1 bar with all the Czech women dancing around in bikini tops like they were trying to open a Prague branch of Hogs and Heffers. All I could imagine was an Amazing Race producer going up to pretty women and telling them that if they'd all-but-strip and gyrate on a bar counter they could become famous on American TV. Ericka made some comment to Brian about how he could get in trouble there from looking at all those women, but her tone didn't really bother me for once. It was a cute and playful and of course, she needn't worry about Brian. That guy is head over heels in love with his former pageant queen. Oddly enough, I'm starting to understand what he sees in her. Hell, I downright loved Ericka this episode. But we'll get back to that.

Let's get back to the non-speed-bumped racers… and the site of the lamest display of spelling skills imaginable. The teams had to go to the Ekotechnicke Museum where ''one person must enter a Kafka-esque world.'' Sadly, this did not mean one person would have to turn into an insect. Rather, one person had to walk into a room full of ringing phones and find the five phones that would deliver a letter that would eventually help spell the word. Meghan (from here on in, let's call her Skipper) had her animal mnemonic device: Z was for zebra, R was for rabbit. It was, like Meghan, wholesome and sharp, if a little G-rated. She managed to figure out the letter spelled out ''Franz'' by the second try.

Things didn't go so well for Dan and Big Easy. They got big red X stamps over and over from the Czech extras in black suits who looked like they were given the directions, ''Look like a villain from a live-action Disney movie!'' All they were missing were mustaches to twirl. ''The supervisors were being the biggest douches ever,'' Dan said. Way to keep it classy, dude. And way to blame your moronic brain on said supervising douches.

At this point, I need everyone to channel his or her inner 9th grader because I feel like this detour could have been a program in Mr. Heberling's math class. You have 5 letters. How many letter combinations can come from them? I vaguely recall some math formula that involves an exclamation point (5!) that would answer this question. Is it possible that the number of letter combinations of those 5 letters equaled 5 x 4 x 3 x 2 x 1? And if so, why weren't Dan and Big Easy just methodically going through the 120 spelling options? (By the way, it's entirely possible that my math memory is completely faulty or that Mr. Heberling made up a fabulous-looking math formula involving an exclamation point.) Instead, Big Easy and Dan decided to work together, each spelling one ridiculous word after another. The second I saw the two of them teaming up I knew Dan would screw over his new partner. Sure enough, once he got the word he ditched Big Easy with the ''douches'' and deigned to tell him the first letter of the word. Granted, that was probably a good game move, but how evil is that? ''Like I always say, you are who you are,'' was Big Easy's most scathing response. Um, hello? You guys hate each other and that's all your going to say? Damn, someone must have really given it to you after that elbow incident threat a few weeks back.

By the time Brian got there, Big Easy had been struggling with his five letters for 2 ½ hours. Two and a half hours! After Brian bolted, Big Easy went outside to his gem of a partner and the two decided to take a 4-hour penalty. Flight Time, the most patient man alive, didn't even seem angry at his idiotic partner. Instead, he tried to make the big lug feel better, saying that he probably wouldn't have gotten it either. I'm here to say, Flight Time, that yes you would have. In fact, my 2-year-old daughter who thinks Rs are Bs, and Zs are 2s would still have managed to figure out that word was ''Franz.''

While those two were lying around to the unbelievably annoying sound of phones ringing, the rest of the teams were freezing their gloved and masked bodies off in the Kyrocentrum. We're informed that Czech athletes have been using this holistic treatment of going into a 180-degrees-below chamber for a long time. I'm finally starting to understand why Ivan Lendl's face always seemed to look frozen. Anyway, once again the teams had to strip down to their skivvies to complete the challenge. Is it me or has this season showed more skin than all other seasons combined? It seems like every week someone's an article shy of naked. Phil et al, let me just say that we don't need to see these people in the buff. Frankly, I hated Dan enough before I was forced to hate him even more tonight when I saw his bad chest-waxing job. At least the brothers were self-aware enough to know they shouldn't be overly psyched about stripping. ''My ass is too big for these,'' Sam said about his shorts. There are many mean things I could say about Sam, but his ass actually looked fine. And that concludes the ''I'm going to be nice to Sam or Dan'' portion of this recap. Meanwhile, ''I feel bad for polar bears,'' was the most creative thing the Spikey Ken doll named Cheyne could come up with. Animal mnemonic devices and polar bear jokes? Ugh. Could Meghan and Cheyne be any more annoyingly wholesome? When Ericka and Brian got there, Ericka said ''My ankles are freezing!'' which may have been my favorite comment of the night. Your ankles? Way to be in touch with your body, Ericka. Or completely delusional by thinking that your ankles can feel temperature.

It's no shock that Meghan and Cheyne zoomed through the detour, building a ''golem'' by slathering mud onto a straw and clay creature. I think Cheyne was trying to be cute when he said ''He's a fat ass'' about his golem. I wonder if using too much gel to spike up your blond hair makes your brain think you're an unfunny frat boy. Even Skipper seemed annoyed with him, though her reasoning had something to do with him being rude. What is up with her and rudeness? Nonetheless, Meghan and Cheyne delivered their best ''Shalom'' before delivering the golem to the rabbis (who were wearing hats that looked like they were bought at a ''Hats R Us'' store in the Prague airport). And of course, they made it to Phil and the finish line first and won a pair of TVs that, presumably, they can watch after going into their saunas while vacationing at the Four Seasons in Hawaii.

Places two and three didn't really seem up for grabs considering Flight Time and Big Easy's cop-out, but the producers did their best making us think the order was still up in the air. The brothers decided to deliver the golem to the rabbis as well, but managed to sweat about 5 billion gallons more than Meghan and Cheyne. The transcript of their shlepping the golem went something like this: ''Shut up! Dang it! Stop being a baby! Shut up! Dang it! Shut up! The rabbi is going to be pissed!'' Unfortunately, the rabbi wasn't pissed when he saw this broken-armed golem and he didn't even react when they asked for a blessing. How about this: Baruch Atah You're a D---head? Amen! And with that, the brothers went on to be team number 2.

Brian and Ericka decided they weren't going near the Golem and instead they'd carry 30 beers to a bar. The first trip was a disaster, with Ericka dropping all of her glasses and insisting that they give up and go for the Golem. Brian, ever the patient and loving husband, encouraged her to continue and carry as few glasses as she needed to finish the task. Meanwhile, drunken Czech bar-goers (and by ''drunken Czech bar-goers'' I mean ''paid extras'') were taunting these two as they carried their glasses, bringing back Ericka's inner bitch. ''Yeah, I do have some American attitude. Touch me and you'll get punched'' she said to a few of them. I hate when Ericka yells at Brian, but yelling at extras paid to be annoying? Hell, yeah! Apparently it worked because the taunting stopped. Well, either it worked or the sun came up and the extras had to go home to sleep. While these two were racing to Phil, Ericka commented about how beautiful the Charles Bridge was. With so much stress about making it into the final three, Ericka still managed to find the beauty in her surroundings. It seems like the other teams were so focused on winning that they couldn't stop to look around, even for a split second. So for the first time, I was actually happy that Brian and Ericka weren't eliminated.

What is there left to say about Flight Time and Big Easy? Not much. Clearly, the producers were over them too considering we didn't even get to see them finish their tasks. Did they do Legend (Golem) or Lager (beer carrying)? I almost wonder if they even finished those tasks. They didn't look all that dirty or tired by the time they got to Phil. ''We ran across the finish line with our heads held high,'' Big Easy said. Really? Whatever you say. Let's just hope the Globetrotters never insist the players must be able to complete a Jumble.

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UPDATE: Here's a Q&A with Flight Time and Big Easy from EW.com. They really DO seem pretty nice and easy-going. Now I feel a little bad.

The Oatmeal Does 'Twilight'

I found this breakdown of the appeal of the Twilight franchise at The Oatmeal via one of my other gossip sites and quite enjoyed it. It's funny - but it also makes some valid points. Observe:

How Twilight Works

A few weeks ago I had the miserable experience of reading Twilight. A friend bought it for me and I took it with me to read on a long flight from Seattle to Houston. I knew it was going to be crappy, but I thought it would be a guilty pleasure kind of crappy - where you know it's bad but you still get enjoyment out of it. I actually managed to power through around 400 pages until I gave up and started reading Sky Mall. I've been seeing Twilight everywhere lately, especially with Vampire Teens II New Moon's release, so I thought I'd break down why chicks go apeshit for it.

First off, the author creates a main character which is an empty shell. Her appearance isn't described in detail; that way, any female can slip into it and easily fantasize about being this person. I read 400 pages of that book and barely had any idea of what the main character looked like; as far as I was concerned she was a giant Lego brick. Appearance aside, her personality is portrayed as insecure, fumbling, and awkward - a combination anyone who ever went through puberty can relate to. By creating this "empty shell," the character becomes less of a person and more of something a female reader can put on and wear. Because I forgot her name (I think it was Barbara or Brando or something like that), I'm going to refer to her as "Pants" from here on out.

So after a few chapters of listening to Pants whine about high school, sucking at volleyball, and being the center of attention, the second major character is introduced. Imagine everything women want in a man, then exaggerate it by ten thousand - and you've got Edward Cullen. The level of detail that the author goes into while describing Edward's appearance is remarkable. At one point while reading I started counting the number of times the author used the expression "Edward's perfect face," and it was far into the double digits. The author excruciatingly details his muscular pecs, clothing, hair, eye color - even his goddamn breath (I'm not joking).

Edward intensely listens to everything Pants has to say, even if she's bitching about she had diarrhea on Christmas or her preferred method for cutting a sandwich in half. As far as the reader is concerned, Edward cares about nothing in the world more than Pants. What the author has done is created a perfect male figure - a pale Greek statue which the reader can worship and in turn be worshipped by.

So what about men that like Twilight?
If you're male and you like Twilight, you're gay. I don't mean that in the derogatory sense, I mean it in the "you want to put your testicles against another man's testicles while gripping handfuls of chesthair" kind of way.

And the movie?
The movie is just the same uninspired crap shat out onto a film reel. If you like the taste of horse manure on your bologna sandwiches, you're probably gonna like it on your birthday cake as well. The same principle applies with Twilight.

Beyond that, it's just a romance novel with the occasional vampire teen drama bullshit peppered here and there. It doesn't really break any new ground in the realm of vampire fiction, other than portraying vampires as a family of uncomfortable retards who prance around the woods eating deer and bunny rabbits. There's lots of nervous lip-biting, tender kisses between Pants and Edward, and lengthy descriptions of every feature of Edward's body. Pants is a static character who never really progresses beyond being an insecure vampire fangirl who obsesses over Edward. Whether her character grows beyond that is unknown to me, I'd stopped reading by then and shifted my attention to an electric butt-massaging chair in Sky Mall.

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Why, as a person who has neither read any of the Twilight books nor seen any of the Twilight movies (and so am essentially speaking of what I do not know... a.k.a. talking out of my ass), do I rag on Twilight and its fans so much? Well... Because I am well-versed in many aspects of entertainment and its affiliated gossip so I think I have an acceptable grasp of what happens in the stories. And I have many friends and family members that have read the books and/or seen the movies and I have discussed the Twilight phenomena with them many, many times. All of this leads me to feel confident in my opinion that the story and characters are (how can I put this more delicately than "utter drivel")... not for me.

Now, I cannot speak to whether or not I'd find it to be a guilty pleasure sort of read if I gave it a chance. Part of me thinks I actually would because the friends that I talk to about it really do like the books well enough without getting all freak show about them. But I also know some of those freak show people and yowza do they make me not want to ever touch anything to do with Twilight! They really, really do. Granted, I'm not prone to getting freak show-ish over much (I'm excluding the general topic of 'hot men' from this, okay?) but if I were, it would be something like Pride & Prejudice or Anne of Green Gables or even Harry Potter. I would not go absolutely mental and ga-ga over the story of a whiny chick with no self esteem who is being skeezed on by some sparkly 100-year-old dude which would normally be creepy but because he looks 17 it's okay. I'm biased, though. I always go for the tortured romances that take years for the lovers to get together over the kinds of stories built around "I don't know why I love you... but I do. Passionately. In fact, I'll kill myself if we're not together even though we just met yesterday." Maybe I'm the weird one.

I'm pretty okay with that.

Cheap Reward

I have to apologize - I know I am probably driving some of you batty with all of my Daily Show and/or Colbert Report posts. But the blog is more than just the highlight of your day; it's also a repository of my most favoritest photos, videos and the like. And in that spirit, I'd like to post a clip from last Thursday's Colbert Report in which Stephen sings "Cheap Reward" with guest Elvis Costello.

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Stephen actually has a lovely voice and I enjoyed his version of the song. Comedy Central needs to come out with a Colbert Report soundtrack CD!!! Then I could listen to "Where In the World and When In Time Is Stephen Colbert Going to Be In the Persian Gulf" or "Canton, South Dakota" anytime my little heart desires... Oh, how sweet that would be. So get on that, Comedy Central!

The Amazing Race 15: Week 9

Robert and I didn't get a chance to finish last night's episode because I was busy finishing an episode of My Fair Wedding with David Tutera... Believe me when I tell you Robert's disdain was palpable. Too bad! So sad. I knew it was going to be a non-elimination leg so, really, we weren't missing much by not watching it the same night it aired. I, on the other hand, could not wait to find out if David picked the guacamole, churros or sangria to give Christina's wedding that much-wanted flavor of Mexico. (You'll be relieved to know he went with the churros. Good decision! And don't worry - they weren't like Great America churros. They came with sauce. These were elegant churros, people.)

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Every so often there is a moment so shocking on Amazing Race that it causes me to rewind and re-evaluate everything I've thought to be true. That miraculous occurrence happened this week when Meghan decided she was going to become a sneaky, tricky player. ''Do you want to just tell everyone we found a Praga and it's a black hat…?'' she asked Cheyne after finding out on the computer that the Praga mentioned in their clue is a vintage car. What? Does Malibu Skipper (sorry, Barbie would never wear those boyish shorts) have the soul of the devil? Or perhaps Boston Rob? I got excited. This could get good, with teams left searching for a black hat while Meghan and Cheyne twirled their evil mustaches all the way to Phil and the finish mat. Well, the shocking moment turned out to be nothing at all, with the front-running but dreadfully dull team abandoning the sinister plot and going back to their nice 'n bland ways. ''We're so funny!'' Meghan exclaimed. (Key: Funny = boring? Funny = blond? Funny = laughing our way to the bank when we win this race in 3 weeks?)

But maybe the memo went out that there was a moratorium on dirty tricks. Both the brothers and the Globetrotters seemed to have been given a talking-to by the producers. After last week's not-so-veiled threats of playing dirty, this week these two teams steered clear of each other. ''Everything's cool.…It's all good!'' said Big Easy. Damn. Sometimes a good elbow jab can make an episode — or at least a flight across Europe — more interesting.

Indeed, no limbs went violent as all of the teams managed to make it to Prague in the Czech Republic without a hitch. Sam seemed to prove he'd gotten all the brains in the family when Dan asked, ''Do they speak Spanish there?'' That is, until Sam proved stupidity runs in DNA by later commenting, ''Prague? It's a country.'' Just a question: When you apply for the Amazing Race, don't you have to have the most basic grasp of map skills? Because I don't think Prague is exactly a random, small town in the middle of a remote island in the Indian Ocean. Doesn't anyone who knows anything about traveling to Europe know that Prague is one of the world's great cities?

Of course, getting to the center of Prague to find the Praga vintage car proved to be another story entirely. The brothers, Globetrotters, and our non-deceptive Meghan and Cheyne found it without a hitch. (The brothers, incidentally, insisted on following Meghan and Cheyne to the clue box, the very thing they criticized the Globetrotters for doing to them. ''Thank God we saw Cheyne and Meghan…we would've been there forever trying to find it,'' a completely non-self-aware Sam said). Brian and Ericka, on the other hand, decided that they would take travel tips from some shlub they met on the airplane. So while the rest of the teams took taxis, Miss America and her goateed husband decided to take what seemed like every mode of transportation ever invented to get to the subway. Now, I'm all for subways, but not when you have to take a bus to get to them. Kind of defeats the purpose of traveling without traffic if you have to sit in traffic to get to the place where you don't have to sit in traffic, no?

In the end, everyone made it to the roadblock, Kayaky Troja, where teams had to choose between an aerial ropes course or a human-made white water kayaking course. Malibu Ken and Barbie made it through in impressive time, along with Flight Time. Big Easy, on the other hand, proved to be more Big than Easy, with his 260 lbs. dragging the rope down so low it was practically submerged. While Big was struggling, Flight Time was getting on Cheyne's last spikey-haired nerve by climbing down from the ropes course tower too slowly. I love how calm Flight Time remains as everyone around him melts down. The redder Cheyne's face got, the more relaxed Flight Time seemed to get. But both teams decided to work together to find a cab until Cheyne grabbed one going by without even a nod of acknowledgment that he was blowing them off. ''You're being rude! You're being rude!'' Meghan chided him. (Key: Rude = good game playing? Rude = almost as obnoxious as I was at the airport this morning? Rude = blond?)

Meanwhile, back at the detour, Sam and Dan capsized three glorious times before changing to the ropes course — all the while yelling ''Bitch!'' And ''Shut up dude!'' at each other. Clearly, somebody and his brother didn't learn too much from last week's teary realization that it wasn't worth yelling at each other. And their short-term memory didn't stop there. The team obsessed with pointing out other teams' ethical shortcomings decided they would steal Brian and Ericka's taxi. Classy, boys, classy.

I usually laugh when bad things happen to Ericka because she's such an easy target — miscounting bells, etc. — but tonight I felt bad for her. ''Use two hands!'' Brian was gently encouraging her. ''I am!'' she screamed back. She's one the last women left in the race and that ropes course looked like it was a brutal upper body workout for professional athletes, so it couldn't have been easy for a former Miss America.

All the teams eventually ended up at the Estates Theater, where Mozart premiered Don Giovanni. Everyone had to find a teeny little mandolin among the 600 seats. Cheyne and Big Easy put on their head-flashlights and threw open doors, lifted up seats, and did their best to abuse this beautiful building to find their clue. Flight Time was nothing short of hilarious when he got annoyed at Malibu Skipper's constant screeching ''Cheyne! Cheyne!'' I even loved when Flight Time worked his totally unimpressive yet totally awesome ballet moves on the stage. That guy should win the race for having the best personality.

When the brothers arrived they were all joyous at the Don Giovanni challenge reference. Sam even started belting out a few lines. (Wait. Let me get this straight...you know opera but you don't know that Prague is not a country? Someone's college education was seriously lopsided!) No doubt Big Easy was annoyed that Dan found the mandolin first. But not half as annoyed as Brian and Ericka were when they saw the brothers leaving just as they were arriving. ''I definitely avoided eye contact,'' Sam said. Probably a smart move. Ericka's got quite the death stare. Just ask Brian. Self-awareness hit an all-time low when the brothers couldn't find a taxi outside the Theatre. ''How hard is it to find a taxi?'' Um, it's called karma. And no, they don't speak Spanish there.

In the end, Meghan and Cheyne came in first (with a trip to Hawaii!), Sam and Dan second, Flight Time and Big Easy third, and Brian and Ericka last. Much as the brothers would have loved for Brian and Ericka to get kicked off the race in the country of Prague, they were out of luck. Phil, who always painfully telegraphs when it's a non-elimination leg, painfully telegraphed that it was a non-elimination leg. I don't think Brian and Ericka have run the best race so I'm not entirely happy that they will now compete to run among the top three. But boy am I looking forward to next week when Ericka takes out her wrath on those brothers. Hell hath no fury like a Miss America scorned. ''I'm going for the jugular,'' she said when that taxi drove away with the brothers. The jugular? Could last week's elbow jab been a mere appetizer? Will blood be spilled next week? Did you think the brothers played too dirty? Should taxi stealing get you punished at the finish mat?

Thanksgiving Safety Tips

Gosh! I hadn't realized that my last post was put up last Wednesday. I don't really know what I've been doing all week that's kept me so busy but I hoped I enjoyed whatever it was. :o) What's worse is this post isn't even that good! But I came across a link to this ASPCA article about Thanksgiving doggy dos and don'ts and thought I'd be a good person and pass it along. I know there are those in my family - thought I'll refrain from naming names (mostly because the main perpetrator in question doesn't read the blog regularly) - who would just love to reward Garfunkel's pleading eyes and sad sniffs with some Thanksgiving grub. And while this article offers no real Earth-shattering info, it does act as a friendly reminder to those of us that are just so darn giving... Plus, I liked the dog in the turkey outfit.

‘Tis the season for friends, family and holiday feasts—but also for possible distress for our animal companions. Pets won’t be so thankful if they munch on undercooked turkey or a pet-unfriendly floral arrangement, or if they stumble upon an unattended alcoholic drink.

Check out the following tips from ASPCA experts for a fulfilling Thanksgiving that your pets can enjoy, too.

Talkin’ Turkey
If you decide to feed your pet a little nibble of turkey, make sure it’s boneless and well-cooked. Don't offer her raw or undercooked turkey, which may contain salmonella bacteria.

Sage Advice
Sage can make your Thanksgiving stuffing taste delish, but it and many other herbs contain essential oils and resins that can cause gastrointestinal upset and central nervous system depression to pets if eaten in large quantities. Cats are especially sensitive to the effects of certain essential oils.

No Bread Dough
Don't spoil your pet’s holiday by giving him raw bread dough. According to ASPCA experts, when raw bread dough is ingested, an animal's body heat causes the dough to rise in his stomach. As it expands, the pet may experience vomiting, severe abdominal pain and bloating, which could become a life-threatening emergency, requiring surgery.

Don't Let Them Eat Cake
If you’re baking up Thanksgiving cakes, be sure your pets keep their noses out of the batter, especially if it includes raw eggs—they could contain salmonella bacteria that may lead to food poisoning.

Too Much of a Good Thing
A few small boneless pieces of cooked turkey, a taste of mashed potato or even a lick of pumpkin pie shouldn’t pose a problem. However, don't allow your pets to overindulge, as they could wind up with a case of stomach upset, diarrhea or even worse—an inflammatory condition of the pancreas known as pancreatitis. In fact, it’s best keep pets on their regular diets during the holidays.

A Feast Fit for a Kong
While the humans are chowing down, give your cat and dog their own little feast. Offer them Nylabones or made-for-pet chew bones. Or stuff their usual dinner—perhaps with a few added tidbits of turkey, vegetables (try sweet potato or green beans) and dribbles of gravy—inside a Kong toy. They’ll be happily occupied for awhile, working hard to extract their dinner from the toy.

Twilight "Art"

Uh. Mah. Gah!!! This gallery of Twilight-inspired... merchandise... cracked me up! I have never understood the obsession with Twilight but it certainly does foster some hilarious fan creations! Yowza.

I think #3 is my favorite. Edward's Bic'ed abs really pushed it over the top! ;o) (Wait. Maybe that's supposed to be Jacob... I have no idea.)

Colbert Goofs

I LOVE, love, love, love when Stephen Colbert breaks character and cracks up on his show - it always makes me giggle! :o) Always. Luckily for me, then, Comedy Central Insider has compiled some of Colbert's best onscreen crackups, from both The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. Check out the post here.

The Prince Charles one is indeed a classic but for some reason the crackup below has stayed with me for years. (It wasn't included in the list but because I'm so stuck on it, I knew how to find it on Colbert Nation. Is that sad? If only I could remember why the mousetrap was on his desk...)

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The Amazing Race 15: Week 8

Wow. I should've been a little less excited at the prospect of a new recapper and been a little more forgiving of Josh's lackluster posts because DANG! The new recapper isn't even trying to be funny! Nor is she addressing the important issues of the episode in depth: First, how in the world Big Easy could be under the misconception that Sam somehow decided racing to the mat wasn't as important as screwing the Globetrotters, slammed on his brakes and starting running backward to elbow Flight Time (she supposedly watched it several times over and couldn't figure this out? Stupid recapper.); and, more importantly, why oh WHY were the brothers' undergarments pixelated when nooooobody else's were?!! They were pixelated during the entirety of the challenge!! So it's not like it was a one-time slip that revealed a little too much. They were sporting some major erections or something. Maybe they found the Estonian athletes a little hotter than they let on, eh?

Enough of that - on to the recap! The painfully unfunny and uninformative recap. Whee.

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I've been here before. You know, in that unenviable position of inheriting Josh Wolk's TV watch. He dared to go on vacation last summer with his family and you know who was asked to fill in on Josh's Big Brother watch. Next thing I know, I'm getting the hate comments. One after another. ''Where's Josh?'' ''Who's this evil Jessica person?'' ''Bring back the Wolk man!'' To all those people who plan to hate on me, all I have to say is: I'm 6'10'' and 260 so I'm gonna do what I gotta do.

Hey, if Big Easy can throw down like that, why can't I? (Answer: Because I'm not 6'10'' or 260?)

But I've gotten ahead of myself, to those final moments when Phil was practically begging for a brother on Globetrotter brawl. Much to cover before then.

All five teams left Stockholm for Tallinn, Estonia, only to find out the first ferry was a gazillion hours later. When teams I like are ahead I always get so annoyed at the Race for evening things up, and tonight was no exception. I can't help myself — I like the Globetrotters and I wanted them to have a comfortable lead. I like that they never lose it on each other. I like the joy they bring to traveling. And, of course, I like their theme music. Every team should have theme music (''I'm a Bitch'' for Ericka?). And Flight Time and Big Easy weren't too thrilled with their long pre-ferry layover either, but at least they were smart enough to grab some extra snooze time in the car. By the way, why'd the shoes get evicted from the car? Too ginormous to fit? Too stinky? Just wondering.

Eventually everyone arrived to the Brotherhood of the Blackheads, which sounds like a group of pubescent guys who pick at their acne in some secret dungeon. Alas, it's just a secret society of merchants. Or, as Ericka calls them with disdain, ''these Medieval men.'' She's onto something considering they look like they just exited the extras door of Medieval Times, with their big brown robes and grunting sounds when the stupid American didn't know the definition of the word ''candelabra.''

Come on, Matt! Being American doesn't exactly get the ol' ''Wow! Cool!'' response from the rest of the world. Do you have to further tarnish our reputation by not knowing a word you should have learned in D&D back in 4th grade? And don't tell me you didn't play D&D. And, frankly, even if you didn't know the actual definition, didn't the first half of the word tip you off? Candle-abra. CANDLE-abra. ''I don't frickin get it. Am I missing something?'' he asked. Um, yeah, like a gradeschooler's vocabulary. I'll stop now because I won't be the one to hit a guy minutes before he gets the ol' heave-ho from Phil. And not just 'cause I'm not 6'10'' or 260.

Speaking of Big Easy, I absolutely loved his comment to Flight Time who first attempted to red crayon his way through the clue, but managed to come out with the right information. ''You big headed it!'' complimented Big Easy to his partner. I have no idea what that means, but I'm sure as hell going to use it as much as possible.

As Matt managed to mess up almost everything on this leg (from thinking his black bandana would intimidate the other teams to creeping out the hottie on the sauna bus Speed Bump to not reading the word ''gardens'' in his clue, leaving the team scrambling to enter the tower instead of looking for the very obvious clue box) on his way to being eliminated with Gary, the rest of the teams headed out to play volleyball in knee-high mud or fling radishes in mud shoes. Wow. Estonia's tourist industry is going to collapse if too many people see this episode. Come to Estonia! We have lots of, um, mud!

Meghan and Cheyne were impressive at the sport, quickly scoring point after point. It's hard for me to truly like this team and I'm not sure why. Is it that they look like Malibu Ken and Barbie? Meghan's hay meltdown? Cheyne's blatant disregard for proper name spelling? Just when I was starting to warm up to them this episode, they had to go and look totally ungrateful when Phil told them they'd won a sauna for coming in first. ''Wow,'' was all Meghan could get out, with about as much genuine emotion as when Ericka tells Brian she loves him.

Not that I should be complaining about the former Miss America. Ericka was hardly at her worst tonight, though she did have a few hateful moments. (And, no I'm not talking about her ''all the girl is wearing is a pair of stringy thongs'' admission to Brian in the car. As far as I'm concerned, any woman who opts for lingerie over Jockey briefs while racing and facing unknown athletic challenges should be commended.) I was more talking about ''Wow. Dude. You really just gave them a taxi?'' when Brian actually allowed Ken and Barbie to take the car they had every right to take. And, moments later ''Brian, I'm gonna have to keep him in check.'' Honey, forget keeping him in check. Just keep him. Because without him, you'd have been eliminated weeks ago. And the man can fire a mean radish.

At least Sam and Dan, all weepy from being boy bitches to each other last week, seemed to really enjoy the sights that Estonia had to offer. ''Some hottie Estonian boys!'' Sam said. Right on, dude! You go and find beauty in a blond dude about to be drowning in mud. Oh, wait. Why are your private parts being blurred out? Those shorts shouldn't really be showing anything. Sure, Dan could have covered up a little more. But Sam? Did something escape? On both you and your brother but no one else on the race? I'm uncomfortable now.

Of course, not nearly as uncomfortable as the whole brother v. Globetrotter race/elbow jab/trip/I rewound it 5 times and still couldn't figure out what happened. ''Big Easy has a look on his face like he wants to kick some butt right now,'' Phil said to the two teams who arrived second and third, just seconds apart. I was half hoping the Blackheads were going to come out of nowhere in their brown robes and start yelling ''Fight! Fight! Fight! Where's that loser who doesn't know what a candelabra is? Fight!'' Where was the super-duper slo-mo dissection of what happened? I needed more. I needed at least three replays. Instead, all I got was a nice big threat from Big Easy — who wasn't even the guy elbowed! — that promises to end in elimination soon enough. ''We didn't know that the elbow and the physical stuff was in play. Now we know that it's in play so…,'' Big Easy said (subtitled so you didn't miss it!). No one wants to see a guy who says ''We're gonna do what we gotta do'' win the whole thing, no matter how great his theme music is.

What do you think of the Sam/Dan vs. Flight Time/Big Easy spat? Should Big Easy play dirty? Should Sam and Dan get new shorts?

Oh, the Dancing Arms...

Robert's lack of dance moves have long been a source of humor in the family, amongst our friends... and even a few coworkers. :o) Robert really likes to dance and really, really, really wishes he had a better innate sense of rhythm so as to dance better. He tries. And he's definitely improved. He just... well, he has his signature move and it's hard to break him of it. All these years I'd assumed he'd inherited his dancing prowess from his mother because, well, while I love Carmen and Bob, I have seen both of them dance and I have to say that Bob definitely has better moves. I'm sorry! But it's true. Plus, he can keep to the beat, which is an important part of any successful dance. However... after seeing the video below I may have to change my thoughts on this topic.

Holy crap! It's like they're TWINS, people!!! It's almost eerie. I've never seen them dance in such close proximity but WOW are they ever related. Poor Maria... she just looks lost in the shuffle, doesn't she? ;o)

A big THANK YOU to Carissa for shooting this fabulous footage. It's a hoot! Makes me giggle every time I watch it.

No Dog Left Behind

Okay, here's my requisite schmoopy dog post of the day. On Sunday, the Military Channel will be airing No Dog Left Behind, a documentary about "the enduring friendships forged in wartime between four military men and women and the dogs they rescued in Iraq, dogs who became heroes in unexpected ways." (I've actually read about Moody and several other rescued dogs at Operation Baghdad Pups.) Here's a little blurb about the program, courtesy of PeoplePets.com:

While he was in Iraq, Staff Sgt. Bryan Spears and his company found a scrappy puppy and named him Moody. But due to military regulations, they were prohibited from caring for the animal, and the soldiers said their goodbyes to their new friend.

Fast-forward a few weeks later, and tragedy strikes: Five members of Spears's team are killed in an attack by a suicide bomber. That same day, Moody returns — and it was that turn of events that Spears says saved him from losing all morale. The dog had helped him cope with the loss of his fellow soldiers.

After that, there was no question that Moody would be going home with Spears when it came time for him to end his tour of duty; the only question left was how to do it. Moody's story, along with that of three other dogs traveling to the U.S. (including Nubs, who had a 75-mile odyssey through the desert), was chronicled for No Dogs Left Behind, a documentary airing Nov. 15 on the Military Channel.

Moody was rescued by a team from SPCA International called Operation Baghdad Pups. The project began in February 2008 after SPCA International received an inquiry from a soldier who desperately needed help with retrieving a dog he had befriended in Iraq. Since then, the team has launched 42 missions to Iraq and has saved 180 animals.

The process of bringing a dog from Iraq to the United States costs an average of $4,000. SPCA International funds most of the effort with the help of donations, and asks each dog's soldier to contribute $1,000 if they can — but things don't always go as planned.

"When you're running an operation that's inside a country that's at war, a lot of things are beyond your control," says program manager Terri Crisp. One time, she says, a dog didn't make it out as scheduled because the Iraqi president was flying in and the airport was shut down. The dogs are sometimes gone by the time the team gets there — "whether they ran off or somebody took them, you don't ever know for sure."

Most important, though, is the commitment of the soldier asking for the dog's transport. "They're making an investment in the animal, and chances are they're going to take care of that animal" Crisp said. "The level of commitment to the animal is unbelievable. They've been through so much together."

Ellen Goosenberg, the documentary's executive producer, told PEOPLEPets.com that her hope is that No Dogs Left Behind will humanize soldiers, their experiences and their needs once they return from war.

"A lot of times, they need a community," Goosenberg said. "They need to be understood. There's no way you transition from war back to civilian life without some kind of assistance. Sometimes animals do a brilliant job at that."

Should you feel like indulging your inner schmoop this weekend, check it out. I doubt I'll be able to watch it live (thanks a lot, Robert!) but I'll be TiVo'ing that bad boy for sure. Me loves the puppies!!

The Daily Show: Sean Hannity Apologizes to Jon

A fabulous segment from last night's show.

Poor Mr. Cuddles.

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The Folly of a Desk Lunch

*Sigh*

Because it is cold outside today (my office mate just warmed one of her hands on my arm so I know that it is indeed icy outside) I ate my lunch at my desk. I spent the first bit reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (I have to finish the 900-page book sometime!) and, when I got to a good stopping point toward the end of my meal, switched over to reading Pawcurious for the duration of my half-hour. Big. Mistake. The post I happened to read was this post. If you know me at all, you already know that reading a post about dying dogs that ended with the following poem was a terrible, terrible idea. Especially at work.

“I Stood By Your Bed Last Night”

I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were crying, You found it hard to sleep.

I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear,
“It’s me, I haven’t left you, I’m well, I’m fine, I’m here.”

I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea,
You were thinking of the many times your hands reached down to me.

I was with you at the shops today, Your arms were getting sore.
I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.

I was with you at my grave today, You tend it with such care.
I want to reassure you that I’m not lying there.

I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key.
I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said “it’s me.”

You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know that I was standing there.

It’s possible for me to be so near you everyday.
To say to you with certainty, “I never went away.”

You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew …
In the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.

The day is almost over… I smile and watch you yawning
and say “goodnight, God bless, I’ll see you in the morning.”

And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
I’ll rush across to greet you and we’ll stand, side by side.

I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out … then come home to be with me.

Needless to say, I spent the last three minutes of my lunch break frantically shoving my tissue into my eyes to stem the ever-growing mass of tears pooled at the the brink, waiting to rush down my cheeks in a deeply embarrassing display of sentimentality. Yeesh. I blame my mother for this. The woman never met a movie or a goodbye she couldn't sob over. Curse you, smooshy heart!!! Dang. I really hope I got one of those super-awesome dogs that never ages...

The Amazing Race 15: Week 7

No wonder Recapper Man's recaps have been so crummy - he's been savin' up the good stuff for his new job! Harumph. Here's hoping the new recapper is actually funny.

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I feel like I've been dragging out my farewell lap for far too long, after recently bidding adieu in the Pop Culture Club and Survivor Talk, but as I'm leaving Entertainment Weekly for another opportunity later this week (more on that later), I feel an especially large lump in my throat as I sit down to write my last Amazing Race TV recap. I've been writing this column for nine seasons, so maybe it's for the best that I end it now. After all, I don’t want to get self-indulgent and start repeating myself. Everybody knows that if you try to repeat past glories, it never quite measures up and LOOK AT ME, I AM MAKING A METAPHOR!

Yes, as promised, the infamous hay bale challenge from season 6 was back! The first time we saw these mountainous wheels of hay, Kristy was stuck futilely pulling them apart for over eight hours until Phil arrived to put her out of her misery. And now, nine seasons later, Bertram Van Munster has decided to resume the torture. (Did it take this long just to get all the hay rolled back together? Man, those Amazing Race interns are slow.) And while the challenge was just as maddening as ever, its reoccurrence made me realize all of the reasons it fails as a good game. But, as usual, I'm getting ahead of myself…

The leg began with everyone flying to Stockholm from Schiphol airport in Holland. Though, from the way Meghan pronounced it, I thought the airport was called ''S--tpole,'' which sounds like something that I would have been called in high school back when I was a tall, skinny, terrible basketball player. But no, I misheard it…although, oddly enough, ''schiphol'' is Dutch for ''hey, you stiff, way to miss another rebound.'' Life's funny, huh?

Everyone ended up bunching up at the airport that night, as the first flight didn't leave until 6:55am. The ticket agents didn't open until early in the morning, and at that point Brian and Ericka and Gary and Matt couldn’t get seats, and ended up leaving two and a half hours later. But here's my question: They arrived at night hours before the ticket agents reopened, so, knowing they were last in line, why didn't they take a cab into town to book their tickets via an internet café, thereby leapfrogging everyone else? You don't write recaps for nine seasons and not learn a thing or two, people!

The first three teams arrived in Stockholm and were directed to find the tallest ride at a local amusement park. Sam and Dan and Meghan and Cheyne arrived first, and sprinted to the freefall ride. (Dan had a very odd running style, in which he clutched a windbreaker in one arm and waved it back and forth, as if it gave himself added torque. I think he probably misread an article about ''wind power.'') Once on the ride, a player had to scan the park and spot an arrow pointing to the next clue. This proved to be simple, as every team got it, and then it was just a matter of seeing them scream as the ride plummeted. Chalk up another anticlimactic challenge for the season; They should have to perform a task, not just get strapped in and have a task done to them.

Oh, and when they do perform a task, make it an interesting one, not a friggin' ring toss. Carny challenges have no place in the Amazing Race. What next, have the teams line up to try to grab a stuffed animal with a tiny crane? Or just eat a crapload of fried dough and then throw up on the bumper cars? The only point of this follow-up game was to work in the annual Travelocity roaming gnome product placement moment. Damn their pointy heads; if only their hats were shaped like a really high water slide, then we'd have been in business. (The Globetrotters tried to name their gnome, and Big Easy came up with the names ''Louisiana Shorty'' and ''Harlem Gnome.'' Were they naming their statue, or listing their favorite five-feet-and-under jazz musicians?)

From there, it was off to the Detour. The first option, ''Nobel dynamite'' (one of the more awkwardly literal Detour names of late), had teams filling up sandbags and building an incredibly low wall to apparently protect their shins from an explosion. (The other choice, Viking Alphabet, was moot, as no one chose it, so that guy got all dressed up in his Viking outfit for nothing. Horned helmets don’t buff themselves, people; that guy was working his helmet shammy all night, and for what? Nothing.)

In the Detour, the worrying Meghan really started to crack. She kept telling Cheyne that they needed to work together filling sandbags, while he kept going off to fill his own. As increasingly fragile as Meghan is (and we hadn't seen the worst of it at this point), Cheyne is inhumanly unflappable. I'm reasonably sure that he doesn't go to sleep at night, he powers down. On the surface, this seems like a good match, and yet if you were with someone who remained this egotistically upbeat all the time, wouldn't you want to strap the TNT to him?

Bringing up the rear in all of this were Brian and Ericka and Gary and Matt. Brian mentioned early in this leg that they were doing the Race partly to show to Ericka's family just how much they loved each other, as Ericka's mother doesn't approve of her daughter marrying a white man. Unfortunately, he may have lost some progress after last week's episode, when they hobbled for far too long in wooden shoes. So not only was he on TV nearly whittling Ericka's feet into stubs, but he was doing it with wooden shoes, which is perhaps the most Caucasian footwear you can find. The only whiter thing that could have happened would be if Brian veered off in the middle of a Detour to take Ericka to a Larry the Cable Guy concert.

Ultimately, the Detour wasn't very interesting, either. It was just a lot of digging, with an unrelated explosion tacked onto the end. Contrary to what Michael Bay's career has taught us, you can't make up for a long period of dullness with a show of pyrotechnics. And from here, the teams made their way to the Switchback, in which they'd take on the infamous hay challenge. At this point I felt like everything we'd seen up to this was just fluffy time-wasters to get us to the marquee challenge. ''Don't worry about the rest of the show,'' the producers probably said. ''Put 'em on a tilt-a-whirl and have them play 'Guess Your Weight' or some crap. It doesn't matter, because once the viewers see that the hay is back, they'll forget everything that happened before.''

The hay was undoubtedly a stressful challenge. There were 180 incredibly heavy rolls of hay with only seven clues available, and there was also the taunting knowledge that this had been the death of one team. So it's no wonder that it nearly ended with Sam plunging a stalk of hay into Dan's eye. Dan couldn’t stop armchair quarterbacking as Sam wrestled with the hay, leading to such exchanges as, ''We're gonna be here the entire day if you keep (going through all the hay). Stop doing that!'' ''SHUT UP!'' For most of the challenge they exchanged shouts and middle fingers. ''What he doesn't realize is I stopped listening to him years ago,'' grumbled Sam. Jeez, these fighting siblings are a regular Cain and Haybel. YOU ARE ALL WELCOME FOR THAT AWESOME PUN.

Whenever we saw Meghan, she was saying some variation on the sentence, ''This is the worst thing I've ever done in my entire life.'' And by ''variation'' I mean that she said the same exact thing, varying only on which word she put the inflection. And for all her bitching, this challenge could have been worse. Imagine if after she found her clue, she was forced to roll back up all the hay bales that she'd torn apart? Yes, it would have been hard, but it would have been the polite thing to do.

Big Easy showed up third, but found the first clue (and therefore won the leg, giving Flight Time a great birthday present). Sam grumbled that the basketball players were the ''luckiest team in the entire race,'' and there's some validity to that. They're lovable, skillful racers, but they've caught every possible break in this game. It seems like obstacles jump to get out of their way. Hmmm…perhaps the reason that the Globetrotters win all their games isn't because they're fixed, but rather because God wants them to win. Who knew that pulling down a ref's pants was the word of the Lord?

Earlier in the episode, Sam and Dan alluded to the Globetrotters' ''fans'' helping them out, and I wonder if there's a lot of that that we're not seeing. They're not exactly traveling incognito, and if you were an American abroad who saw a couple of Globetrotters trying to win a game show, wouldn't you jump to pitch in? We're all trained to see them win, so you'd feel like you were just helping maintain the natural order of things. It seems like an unfair advantage to have one team that is recognized and beloved by strangers. We saw the same thing with Rob and Amber. And yet, come on, how can you stay mad at the Globetrotters? You might as well kick a seven-foot-tall puppy.

After a couple of hours of her weeping and moaning, Meghan found her clue, and she and Cheyne finished second, followed by Brian and Ericka. Then we got an excruciating sequence of Sam and Gary searching through hay. The producers did a good job of drawing out the suspense. Every time they'd switch from Sam to Gary (or vice versa), I'd think, ''Ahhh, this is the moment when he's just about to find his clue…'' but then it wouldn't happen, and we'd switch back to the other. The tension was far more palpable than it should ever be for a contest about two guys pushing hay around. But then it happened: Sam got his clue, he and Dan dashed for the mat, and then Dan burst into tears for the way he'd shouted at Sam. Who knew that hay could make you so emotional? I guess this explains why the Farmers Almanac says that 84% of all marriages end on hayrides.

Gary saw the challenge through anyway, only to be told by Phil that this was a non-elimination round. And that's when I got angry. My problem with this challenge (even back in season 6) is that it's too arbitrary. Skill doesn't matter at all, it's just a matter of which bale you arbitrarily pick to unroll. It has nothing to do with how well you've run the race up to that moment. While it's fun to see players' abject frustration, it's ultimately incredibly unfair.

And yet, Kristy's tenacious if doomed pursuit of a clue made it a classic, and the producers couldn't resist recreating it. But they didn't have the courage of their convictions. They thought, ''Remember how awful it was that Kristy looked for that long, only to be kicked out? That was awesome! Let's do that…except let's not kick anybody out.'' They recreated the frustration, but none of the stakes. It was like a war reenactment, where, after the dust settles, everyone gets up, wipes off the fake blood, and carpools home. So there was something to disappoint everyone: If you never liked this unfairly luck-based challenge, too bad, you got it again. And if you did like how mercenary it was, too bad, now it has no ramifications.

And so there it is; my last recap. I'm sorry I have to leave this season on such an unmemorable episode, but they can't all be water slides. I'm heading off to new challenges (I'll be easy to find; one quick Google search should do it), but I'll miss talking Amazing Race with you, sharing some laughs and some real truth flavor. But not to worry; the recaps will continue every Monday morning here on EW.com, and you'll be in good hands. So show the new writer some love, won't you? And by that I don’t mean by calling her ''babe'': As we all know from The Amazing Race, that's the quickest way to prove that there's no love at all.

12 Years :o)

Robert and I celebrated our old anniversary on Saturday with a night out on the town that included dinner at Papillon (yum!). They were as busy as I've ever seen them but they still brought out all the stops with the celebratory soup and dessert. Fabulous!

Robert and I actually contemplated getting married on Saturday since it seemed somewhat serendipitous that November 7th fell on a weekend day the year after we got engaged. But we ultimately decided against it for a couple of reasons: (1) I really, really wanted an outdoor wedding and planning one in November, even if early in the month, seemed a bit questionable; and (2) We have taken many a trip to celebrate our anniversary over the years and the weather is never all that cooperative. Robert really wanted to get married during a month where we could go anywhere and do anything and November isn't necessarily that month. We're still very attached to 11/07, however, and going out to celebrate seemed like the right thing to do. At least this year.

Ted. And the Garfunkel Vulture.

This is Ted.

Ted is a door decoration I bought from a very nice lady on Etsy. (She actually named him Ted and kindly told me I didn't have to keep the name once he made it to our house. But how could I strip the man of his name?! Couldn't. So Ted it is.) He is absolutely adorable and was a virtual steal. He just makes my whole door! I love the holiday season because I love to decorate - somehow it's just nicer coming home to a house that looks happy to see you.

Why am I telling you this? Because I am appalled - appalled! - at the lack of available decorative items for Thanksgiving. I complain about this every single year but c'mon! It's a holiday, too! But because it's not a huge revenue generator it just gets completely overlooked. :o( Now, as you know, I love Christmas about 100 times more than the next guy and would love it if there was no holiday in November so I could bust out my Chipmunks CDs that much sooner. But there is a holiday in November and it deserves a lot more attention than it gets. And this year seems worse than most. Several people in my complex and at least one house on my parents' street had Christmas lights up two weeks before Halloween. Outrageous!!!!!! I tried to assuage my anger by telling myself the people in question might've put lights up for Diwali... but I just don't know that it's true. (Plus, the house on my parent's block is inhabited by a family that I've known for years and I'm pretty sure they aren't Sikhs. But I digress.) And while I've become numb to malls and other stores filling their shelves with Christmas items before Halloween, I cannot abide by tree lots popping up on the first weekend in November. Who even buys their trees this early?!!! They'll frickin' DIE, people!!! Aauuuugh!!!!! I can't stand it. I just cannot stand it. Thanksgiving is a holiday, too, okay?! And even though I don't particularly care for it - Turkey? Bland. Cranberries? Pass. Sweet potatoes? No, thank you! Pumpkin anything? Blech. - I am always a champion of the unloved and under-appreciated and, dammit, I WILL have a properly decorated house for Thanksgiving! Even though it's really, really, really hard to find decorations.

That is all.






On a completely different note, here are a few photos of Garfunkel stalking my sandwich yesterday afternoon. He does this just about every meal because he knows we're soft. (He doesn't actually beg for anyone other than me, Robert and my mom. He knows.) First, he'll walk slowly up to the table. Then he'll sit ever-so-nicely and stare at your food with a ferocious intensity.

Then, just in case you missed him, he'll inch a little closer to your plate. Soon after, he'll start working his nose and sniff frantically all around your plate. Then, as a final assault, he'll make his most pitiful face and plop it right on the table. If you're lucky, your plate will escape the inevitable moose-tonguing. But it probably won't. ;o)

Very Belated Halloween Post

In trying to prep a few posts to finish up today, I came across this post which I'd prepped awhile ago... and promptly forgot about. I realize Halloween has long since come and gone but since I'm still within a two-week window, I figure I'm still okay to post. :o)

My sister, Michelle, and my two nieces, Sarah and Claudia, were in California the weekend before Halloween and indulged Grandma Donna with some Halloween activities while they were here. Grandma always procures their costumes each year (because my parents usually head to Chicago for Halloween but her health precluded them from doing so this time) and so the girls tried on this year's costumes to make sure they fit before they made the trek back to Illinois...

They look pretty darn good, I think.

Then, it was on to pumpkin carving!! Robert and I didn't get a chance to carve any pumpkins this year so we lived vicariously through the Tani ladies. I helped Sarah and Claudia adjust their templates to fit their pumpkins and pushed a couple of pieces through for Claudia. I was also super anal and cleaned out the pumpkins after the girls finished. It was helpful to them, yes, but mostly I just can't stand the residual little threads that hang behind the eyes and whatnot so it was really helping me. :o) Hey, it's a win-win so it's fine! Anyway, I also picked out an elaborate design for Michelle to carve (talking her out of her original pick) and then offered no help whatsoever. :oD


Sarah was very professional and did everything on her pumpkin herself, from gutting to carving. She was awesome!

Claudia's pumpkin

Sarah's pumpkin

Michelle's pumpkin. It turned out fantastic! I do nice work... picking stuff out for other, more skilled people to do. Heh.




Grandma and Grandpa got to keep the girls' pumpkins but Robert and I got to take Michelle's pumpkin to our place. They all wound up dying a bit before Halloween but they sure looked great while they lasted.