"Yosemite" is Native American for "One Time Visit"

Since I referenced the notorious Yosemite trip in an earlier post, (and I’m having a particularly slow day at work), I thought I’d dig up an old e-mail account of the weekend and re-edit it for the blog. It’s pretty long, so feel free to skip it … though it is mildly amusing, I think. I had never been to Yosemite before but Robert has wanted to take me for years. So, when Biji suggested a quick weekend trip during his leave from Iraq we thought it would be a great idea. Well, some of us more than others. I love Biji dearly and he is one of my best friends but, egads, he is not someone with whom I want to go on vacation! Much like how some friends can’t be roommates, some friends can’t vacation together. Some of you may remember the events of my high school graduation trip to Hawaii – with Biji, among others – that laid the groundwork for this overwhelming feeling of Biji vacation avoidance. If you don’t, well, that’s a whole other story for another day! Long story short, Biji is a go-er and a do-er on vacations – on a very tight and precise schedule – while I have a more relaxed approach.

Now, when I said “weekend trip” earlier I misspoke – Biji wanted to take two days total but only spend one of them, August 18th, at the Park. The drive home was to be split between that night and the following morning. The fact that Biji thought he was going to drive to Yosemite, climb to the top of Half Dome and drive halfway back home all in one day should really tip you off as to how reasonable he was on the trip. :o) Anyway, because we were only going for the day, Biji wanted to leave at 3 AM. Robert and I said no. He said 4, we said no, and so on until we go to 6, which didn't make me at all happy but was doable. He failed to understand that Robert gets home from work at 9, we eat at 9:30, then we have to shower and blah blah blah and there's no way we were going to get into bed early enough to wake up at 2 or 3 AM - 5 was pushing it. Biji may have been anal on our Hawaiian vacation but since he’s been in the Army it’s increased. Exponentially. Everything has to be done on his schedule; he tries to be good-natured and pass off his prodding as a joke, but I’m not fooled. (Love you, Bij!!) Anyway, as we got in the car at 6 (because Biji had to be at our house at 5:45 to make sure we left on time, of course), Biji goes "Wow! It's been a while since we had a road trip!" That was on purpose, man - you're annoying.

The entire ride was peppered with comments like: “It's interesting that your gauges are all in the middle of your dashboard so your passengers can see how fast you're going;" or, " Aaaaah!;" or, "Please don't blink - keep your eyes on the road;" or, "5 RPM?!" It was a long drive. He got on my case for speeding and then praised me for making good time. Dude, you can't have it both ways!!! And I told him so. I am not afraid of Biji. ;o) He was just bummed he didn't get to drive because it was "boring being a passenger." Duh! But the road to Yosemite is WAAAAAY too curvy for me to not drive, so he had to suck it up and ride in the Saturn. With his giant Sasquatch knees in my back the whole way. On the plus side, he got to sit and make googly eyes at Laura, his now-girlfriend whom he'd just begun dating.

 
Anyway, we got there about 10 or so and, of course, we had to make our lunches RIGHT THEN in the parking lot so we could take them with us. We ate a little while we made our sandwiches, (because “we can’t buy food in the park – we’ll be HIKING!"), and then walked as fast as we could to the shuttles to take us to the trail at Half Dome. We told Biji days beforehand that he wouldn't have enough time to clime Half Dome this trip but nothing would do that he had to try. Fine. I made it clear to him that Homey don't hike, so he and Laura could go on ahead. Which they did - my ass (barely) made it to the first footbridge and then Robert and I turned around. My lungs were on fire!!! Turning around was for the best, because even before we told them to go ahead, Biji and Laura were, like, sprinting up the trail and I could not keep up. Then they turned around and came down and we told them to carry on without us. Biji, as I'm sure you can imagine, is hard core. He brought his camel bag from Iraq and already had the straw in his mouth at the shuttle stop because "if you're thirsty, you're already dehydrated." I was glad to be rid of him! ;o) I was already annoyed from the ride and tired from getting up so early, and that combined with my allergies (trees, dust, wind, gah!) just made me a miserable person. Ask Robert.

I really didn't want to go to Yosemite in the first place - I am not outdoors-y, as you all know - but because it was important to Biji, I went. I tried to get him to take his own car so Robert and I could ditch early but noooo – “half the fun is the car trip!” Sure. So, my ass was done "hiking" at, oh, noon and I had EIGHT MORE HOURS at least of boredom to go. What the hell was I going to do there for the rest of the day?! And my allergies were just a disaster there, so I was an exceedingly unhappy and unpleasant person. Poor Robert really rose to the occasion and tried his best ... he bought me a box of lotion tissues, we wandered around the gift shops, we stopped for lunch (so I didn't have to eat my hot, sweaty botulism sandwich), we read books on a bench, we went through the Ansel Adams museum - we did anything and everything we could think of to keep busy and it just wasn't enough. I desperately wanted to ditch Biji or drive out to a hotel and come back to get them or something but no go. Finally, at about 5:30 Robert talked me into renting bicycles and we rode around the trails for an hour or so. It was cooler by then (it was about 93 that day) and most people were off the trails so it was actually a lot of fun and the perfect thing to end the day.

I hadn't been on a bike since 1998 so I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get on, (I didn't want to have to climb on from a big rock or something!), and while I never really got un-wobbly, I did all right. Biji and Laura called us about 7:30, met us at 8, and we were on the road. Apparently, they got to within 3 hours of the top and a ranger told them that the lines at the ropes were awful and they should just turn around. Did we not say he wouldn't get there?! On a Saturday?! In August?! But whatever ... :o)
We had planned on spending the night somewhere near Lathrop so that we didn't have to drive all the way back that night, which was I guess a good idea but I REALLY just wanted to go home. I hadn't hiked and wasn't that tired but everyone else was and didn't want me to be the only one awake in the car, so I was overruled. Of course, Biji didn't want to make reservations anywhere – “we’ll just find somewhere to stay on the way” - so we drove around for freaking ever to find somewhere to stay. You know how the lines were full of people? So were the hotels. We eventually found somewhere to stay, after many failed check-ins, in Manteca. Manteca! A short 80 minutes from the sweet release of home! But that was not to be. So, we slept, we headed out first thing the next morning, (after Biji called us 4 times to tell us to hurry up – he was sitting on the curb by the car when we came out), and made our way home. Without stopping for breakfast. And thus ended our super duper fun day trip to Yosemite. Bleh. Needless to say, I don’t think we’ll be vacationing with Biji again for quite some time. Though, I will say that Biji has seen the error of his ways on this trip ... he has decided that if he ever wants to climb Half Dome, he's going by himself. :o)

(You may be asking, "Why no photos of Biji and Laura?" Excellent question. The man was in such a hurry to get going once we got there that we didn't have time to pause for a group shot. By the time Biji and Laura rejoined Robert and me it was 8:00 and pitch black outside. And a group photo at the Bates Motel just wasn't going to effectively capture the mood ... well, actually, it probably would have but it's not the mood [read: sour] we'd all want to remember!)