It's snarky, so I liked it immediately, but what I really liked was the final entry. These two choice quotes tickled me the most:
"For weeks the spot for this entry stood empty on this list, with simply the words "Nicolas Cage, FILM TO BE DETERMINED LATER" holding its place."
and
"... we spent the whole film staring at the slug-like patch of weave at the very tip of the actor's forehead. Seriously, this isn't hair, it's a lid."
Robert and my college roommate, Nora, have hated Nicolas Cage for a long time. Me? I don't hate him but I'm not particularly drawn to his movies, either. I do agree, however, that he has horrific hair and teeth. Egads!
This article was particularly meaningful for me because I was just forced to sit through National Treasure: Book of Secrets a couple weekends ago. I saw the first NT in the theater, too, and Robert didn't like it. So, WHY did I have to suffer through the second one? Because Robert was convinced that the premise itself was promising enough that there was potential for the sequel to "get it right" and surpass its predecessor. (Plus, my brother-in-law wanted to see it and that just got Robert all hopped up about it.*) Did it? No. Not. At. All.
Anyway, the whole time I'm watching the movie, I'm mesmerized by Nic's faux hair and giant chompers. He really reminds me of Matt Dillon in There's Something About Mary ...; his teeth are HUGE! Like, helping-to-bring-wayward-ships-to-shore huge. Not as huge as Jay Mohr's (which are visible-from-space huge), but huge. You know when you watch cartoons and someone is flying through the air and then suddenly clamps their teeth into a wooden pole to stop from flying? Then they slide down said wooden pole, creating wood curls along the way? I kept expecting Nic to do the same thing as he was contemplating a jump from a platform in the golden city below Mount Rushmore. Seriously.
I also kept thinking, "His hair has got to be worse in this one than it was in the first movie!" It was atrocious; the front plugs are "grown" out way long than the rest of his hair and swept back for a perma-windblown look. I was convinced it had to have looked better three years ago. That is, until I saw the little video clip attached to the article. Then I perused some movie stills of the first National Treasure on IMDb.com and - whoa! The hair was the same ... but worse! It's highlighted in addition to the aforementioned hair horrors. Ugh. Very distracting. If his grappling hook teeth didn't stop him from falling, perhaps fashioning a makeshift parachute from his head fibers would have!
* In all fairness, my sister (Melanie), brother-in-law (Wade), Robert and I saw two movies that day and the other one wasn't any better. Because we knew we wanted to see NT2, we had to find a movie that fit into it's schedule and allowed us time for dinner. Unfortunately, 27 Dresses was it. Bleh!! Now, I love schmoopy stuff and I find a lot of, well, crap romantic and whatnot in movies but this was bad. Bad, bad, bad. If I don't find it schmoopy - definitely not a good sign! My sister didn't care for it, either, nor did Robert. Wade thought it was funny but ... he has really poor taste! (Sorry, Mel). It wasn't romantic, it wasn't funny, there was no chemistry bewteen the leads and it was waaaaaay too formulaic, even for me. So, while NT2 wasn't the only bad movie we saw that day, it also doesn't get a free pass as being 'tainted' by our lingering bad taste over Dresses. It was a bad movie all by itself.
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