The cowboys were awesome! Weehoo!!! The leg was a non-elimination leg (the third this season, which I find ridiculous - I totally agree with the recapper: why have the extra Road Block when not eliminating someone essentially renders it moot?!). Boo. Boo!
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When the race started months back, would you ever have imagined these would be the four teams remaining? You've got your brothers who can't drive stick (Dan and Jordan), the IQ-challenged pretty people (Brent and Caite), non-spring-chicken private investigators (Louie and Michael), and a pair of not-that-worldly cowboys (Jet and Cord). Okay, maybe you knew Jet and Cord would be in it until the end because they've basically rocked the race, but the rest of them? My hat is off to these underdogs, even Caite. Of course, there's hardly room for me to be impressed by Caite being the last woman standing because she's so irritatingly proud of herself. ''I'm flipping out that I'm the last girl standing,'' she said, before repeating that phrase several different ways throughout the first 15 minutes. Yes, yes, we get it. You U-turned Carol and Brandy and now you're the last woman. Bravo for making that decision purely on emotion and not on strategy. Way to go!
Tonight, teams started off flying to Shanghai, China where they had to find Zhujiajiao, which Phil tells us is ''the Venice of China.'' Did he mean a sinking, tourist-overrun city known for baccala and artichoke ends? Nope, just that both cities have canals. Dan and Jordan continued to be adorable, Dan declaring that ''I hate him just as much now as I did before,'' before Jordan replied, ''I love him a little bit more than I did before.'' I want to be their mother so I can be consumed with pride about how my boys are acting on national television. I like to imagine her bragging about her ''boys on that reality show'' who will ''ride those motorcycles they won over my dead body'' at Sabbath services in some synagogue in Long Island. We also learned Jet has a wife and 17-month old girl (um, doesn't he look 20 at max?) and Cord got engaged right before leaving for the race. Either he thought $1 million would help pay for the wedding or he thought he needed to put a ring on it because he didn't trust his lady to be alone for that long.
At the airport, Michael's thrilled at his protégés Brent and Caite, who followed his U-turn plan. They're his wolf cubs! Curious alliance, those four. Jordan, ever the wise commentator of the season, seemed to know the decision not to U-turn the consistently strong cowboys was idiotic. ''We're all going to look back and question that decision.''
Once in Zhujiajiao, the teams hit their first road block, to ''master the complex art of making noodles by hand.'' Perhaps it was the jet lag, but Brent commented on the city on canals, ''I feel like I'm in Sicily.'' Oh, who are we kidding? That wasn't jet lag. Of course, Cord wasn't any better when he questioned Jet's comment that the city was tranquil. ''Tranquil! What is that?'' Cord laughed, seemingly astonished that his brother who would use a seventh-grade spelling bee word. Oh my gravy. Anyway, the challenge was to turn a mound of dough into one kilo of noodles. When the teams completed the road block, Ping Ping, the world's smallest man (with the world's biggest cigarette habit) would give them their next clue.
And just when I was getting over the Sicily and ''tranquil'' comments, Caite and Jet jumped in with their offensive Ping Ping commentary. ''Wow! He was so adorable!'' Caite said, before saying hi to him like he was a newborn puppy and not an adult man. ''Can I take him home with me?'' Yes, Caite. I'm sure he would love that. (Secretly, I wish she would have. I would love to see Ping Ping chain smoking his way through her pageant parephenalia-filled house.) Jet wasn't any better when he said, ''If he jumped out of your trash can it would scare you to death.'' So, instead of being a little puppy, he's a raccoon? Didn't they get any sensitivity training before representing America around the world?
Jet made quick time with the noodles (Jordan commented that he's ''magical with his hands'' which made me question what's been going on during these rest stops...), and Louie channeled his Italian grandma as he twirled and flipped that dough into submission. After Jet, Caite finished a strong second, and Louie third. Only Jordan and his seemingly unmagical hands were left. ''I love you so much,'' Dan said, giving his frustrated brother a hug of encouragement. (Oy! I love these boychicks!) And soon enough, they were off too.
The next stop seemed to be pretty easy, as long as you weren't Louie and Michael trying to find the door to the fashion house that was about six inches away from the clue box. Teams had to dress a model in the clothes shown in a sketch. It's downright amazing that Jet and Cord finished this challenge, with that fascinating lack of skills differentiating boots and tights or the colors lavender and magenta. ''Do you need my tiara to help you?'' Caite said to no one in particular. Not that I should judge the power of the tiara; she got her model in the right outfit on the first try. Once Michael found the door, he unleashed his own stereotypical comment about Jordan with, ''Being the gay male that he was, he loved it. He was right in there shopping.'' Yes, Michael, all gay men love shopping. Must've been really easy to find gay perpetrators when you were on the job — just find the nearest Barney's!
Going into the final challenge (another road block! Tricky, tricky Phil!) at the Hongkou Stadium, where teams had to assemble a puzzle and then give it to people in the stands, it was cowboys, models, detectives, and then brothers. I was bracing for a last place finish for my boys. Now, normally I think teams should have to deal with whatever elements befall them, but asking them to put a puzzle together (apparently made of light paper that blows with the slightest movement of air) on an ultra-windy day seemed unnecessarily cruel. Wasn't there an indoor auditorium they could have relocated to? Cord and Brent certainly would have appreciated it since their pieces went flying the most. Of course, I did get a perverse pleasure out of watching Brent look like he was about to have a temper tantrum when his puzzle went blowin' in the wind. ''STOP!'' he yelled to the wind. Brilliant. (Incidentally, nothing on the entire season was more disturbing that the person in the stands with a face mask that had a picture of a tongue sticking out.)
Apparently, Dan and Jordan's dad unknowingly prepared them for this challenge years ago when he taught them to do the corners of puzzles and then fill in the middle, a good tip that allowed these two to pass Louie and Michael. Michael, on the other hand, seemed utterly confused by the task. ''Can we get some shooting? Kick a door in? Chase a crackhead?'' he said of the puzzle. That's for next season: Amazing Race: Alcatraz.
Now, by this time I had a realization. Two episodes left after this one. Four teams. Three teams race in the finale. So I knew it wasn't going to be an elimination leg, which made me feel a teeny bit annoyed because it seems like the extra tasks the last place teams have to do never amount to anything significant. If a team was to be eliminated, I was quite happy with Louie and Michael going home. Not because I've hated the big lugs, but I've liked watching the other teams (yes, even you, Brent and Caite) more. So, we had a predictable first place finish for Jet and Cord, a strong second for Brent and Caite, an impressive third for Dan and Jordan, and a last place spot for Louie and Michael. ''I'm sorry to tell you, you are out…out in the cold!'' that sneaky little Phil told them. No matter what the time zone, Phil still brings his funny.
Are you happy it was a non-elimination leg? Who do you want to see in the final three?
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