The First Thanksgiving...

for which Robert and I were 'in charge' of the meal's execution. My parents have definitely been through the wringer the past couple of months and so Robert and I wanted to do as much of the Thanksgiving prep and cooking as possible. It really was a group effort, though - everybody chipped in and I think everything turned out pretty well! My parents let us have a go at the turkey, though, and that was my main worry. No one wants to serve up a big plate of salmonella for Thanksgiving, y'know what I mean?

Since neither Robert nor I had any turkey experience whatsoever, I decided to use the Stovalls' recipe for a honey brined turkey. They had put their recipe - with instructions! - on their blog last year and it got some rave reviews. I didn't want to pester my mom with turkey questions every five minutes so a recipe where everything is spelled out for me? Done. I made the brine, Robert manned the turkey while in the oven and aside from an initial hiccup locating the bag of "gibbly-poos" (those are giblets), the turkey was fabulous! Super moist and delicious... I think it turned out smashingly, if I do say so myself. :o)

Receiving an intial consult...




Robert was very proud of the turkey!





The pies were a big hit (I think), even without homemade crust.



This would have been a really nice photo if Garfunkel's eyes weren't so friggin' demonic-looking! Geez.

Foster a Lonely Pet for the Holidays

I didn't watch last night's Hallmark Hall of Fame presentation A Dog Named Christmas (though it is TiVo'd. I just didn't watch it live because I wanted to make sure the dog didn't die. Yeah, it's a Hallmark movie but still! Old Yeller died. Marley died. Old Dan and Little Ann died. You see where I'm going with this...), but I did catch the final 5 minutes and it looks like a Lauren movie. :o) The movie is based on a book about a developmentally challenged young man who fosters a dog from his local shelter and encourages others in his town to foster dogs that would otherwise be alone during the holiday season. And while the story isn't true, the plight of shelter dogs during the holidays is - many are either left completely alone or are let out of their cages much less frequently due to staff shortages. So, Hallmark teamed up with PetFinder.com to launch the Foster a Lonely Pet for the Holidays program this year in order to (hopefully) get people involved and get a lot of cats and dogs out of their cages and next to a warm fire this Christmas. You don't have to foster the dogs for long - a weekend, a week, whatever you and the shelter work out - but it seems like a fabulous idea and I've already pestered Robert to start thinking about having another dog around for the holidays. :o)

If you are interested, check out PetFinder.com's program page here.

Check out the list of participating shelters in California here.

The Amazing Race 15: Week 10

Ho. Ly. Cow. Are you kidding me? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!! Big Easy took a 4 HOUR penalty on a spelling Roadblock?!?!?! You're telling me the dude honestly believed it would take him more than 4 hours to figure out the word jumble?!! After he'd already spent 2+ hours on it?! And he already knew the word started with 'F'?!!!!! I know he had to fill the form from top to bottom with every new guess but GEEZ! There's no way on Earth Big Easy should've thought taking the penalty was a better or smarter option. No. Way. I mean, he's dumb (helloooooo briefcase challenge!) but C'MON! I'm just flabbergasted. And it's not because I was really attached to the Globetrotters or anything - I liked Flight Time but for some reason Big Easy often rubbed me the wrong way. I think it's just because it's soooooo incredibly dumb. Dumb! Yeesh. I'm all worked up. And as much as I appreciated that I was not alone in my incredulity, I was dismayed to discover that the recapper herself is a wee bit dumb. She ends with "Clearly, the producers were over them too considering we didn't even get to see them finish their tasks. Did they do Legend (Golem) or Lager (beer carrying)? I almost wonder if they even finished those tasks. They didn't look all that dirty or tired by the time they got to Phil." Um, HELLO?! The Globetrotters didn't even do the freezer challenge because, duh, Erica and Brian had already checked in and the producers left the 'trotters a clue telling them to go directly to the Pit Stop when they arrived at the Kryocentrum. Which we saw. On the show. Stupid recapper.
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Gregor Samsa, as many of you recall, is the protagonist in Franz Kafka's The Metamorphosis. He's a traveling salesman who just wants to provide for his family, until he turns into an insect and everything falls apart. Big Easy had something in common with Gregor Samsa in last night's kind of awesome episode: He too just wanted to provide for himself and Flight Time. But instead of turning into an insect, he turned into the BIGGEST MORON ON THE PLANET. Seriously, dude? A four-hour penalty because you can't figure out that 5 letters spell a word? I need a moment to let the rage settle. Let's focus on something else.

Okay. Phil started the episode by giving a voice-over about how teams had to make it to Prague's oldest synagogue, and then further explained, ''a Jewish house of prayer.'' Thanks for the explanation, Phil. When I saw Brian and Ericka's picture next to the Speed Bump sign, I was a little nervous about what they were going to have to do. Go into the synagogue and pray? Eat some schmaltz with Manischewitz Extra Heavy Malaga? (I'm Jewish! I can mock my people's food!) Alas, team by team found the synagogue and got their clue and moved on. Brian and Ericka got there and found out they had to go to the M1 Bar and make absinthe. Phil described absinthe as a drink ''known for its high alcohol content.'' Um, way to sugarcoat it, Keoghan. That's like saying the death penalty is known for being a way to get one last great meal of your choosing. Actually, absinthe was illegal in the U.S. and most of Europe for much of the 20th century and plenty of people still believe it has addictive qualities that make you crazy, psycho, and completely bonkers. Enjoy your speed bump, Brian and Ericka, if you survive! Alas, I'm guessing what they drank was Amstel Light of absinthe since Brian and Ericka managed to get it down pretty quickly and move on. Incidentally, I'm still scarred from seeing that M1 bar with all the Czech women dancing around in bikini tops like they were trying to open a Prague branch of Hogs and Heffers. All I could imagine was an Amazing Race producer going up to pretty women and telling them that if they'd all-but-strip and gyrate on a bar counter they could become famous on American TV. Ericka made some comment to Brian about how he could get in trouble there from looking at all those women, but her tone didn't really bother me for once. It was a cute and playful and of course, she needn't worry about Brian. That guy is head over heels in love with his former pageant queen. Oddly enough, I'm starting to understand what he sees in her. Hell, I downright loved Ericka this episode. But we'll get back to that.

Let's get back to the non-speed-bumped racers… and the site of the lamest display of spelling skills imaginable. The teams had to go to the Ekotechnicke Museum where ''one person must enter a Kafka-esque world.'' Sadly, this did not mean one person would have to turn into an insect. Rather, one person had to walk into a room full of ringing phones and find the five phones that would deliver a letter that would eventually help spell the word. Meghan (from here on in, let's call her Skipper) had her animal mnemonic device: Z was for zebra, R was for rabbit. It was, like Meghan, wholesome and sharp, if a little G-rated. She managed to figure out the letter spelled out ''Franz'' by the second try.

Things didn't go so well for Dan and Big Easy. They got big red X stamps over and over from the Czech extras in black suits who looked like they were given the directions, ''Look like a villain from a live-action Disney movie!'' All they were missing were mustaches to twirl. ''The supervisors were being the biggest douches ever,'' Dan said. Way to keep it classy, dude. And way to blame your moronic brain on said supervising douches.

At this point, I need everyone to channel his or her inner 9th grader because I feel like this detour could have been a program in Mr. Heberling's math class. You have 5 letters. How many letter combinations can come from them? I vaguely recall some math formula that involves an exclamation point (5!) that would answer this question. Is it possible that the number of letter combinations of those 5 letters equaled 5 x 4 x 3 x 2 x 1? And if so, why weren't Dan and Big Easy just methodically going through the 120 spelling options? (By the way, it's entirely possible that my math memory is completely faulty or that Mr. Heberling made up a fabulous-looking math formula involving an exclamation point.) Instead, Big Easy and Dan decided to work together, each spelling one ridiculous word after another. The second I saw the two of them teaming up I knew Dan would screw over his new partner. Sure enough, once he got the word he ditched Big Easy with the ''douches'' and deigned to tell him the first letter of the word. Granted, that was probably a good game move, but how evil is that? ''Like I always say, you are who you are,'' was Big Easy's most scathing response. Um, hello? You guys hate each other and that's all your going to say? Damn, someone must have really given it to you after that elbow incident threat a few weeks back.

By the time Brian got there, Big Easy had been struggling with his five letters for 2 ½ hours. Two and a half hours! After Brian bolted, Big Easy went outside to his gem of a partner and the two decided to take a 4-hour penalty. Flight Time, the most patient man alive, didn't even seem angry at his idiotic partner. Instead, he tried to make the big lug feel better, saying that he probably wouldn't have gotten it either. I'm here to say, Flight Time, that yes you would have. In fact, my 2-year-old daughter who thinks Rs are Bs, and Zs are 2s would still have managed to figure out that word was ''Franz.''

While those two were lying around to the unbelievably annoying sound of phones ringing, the rest of the teams were freezing their gloved and masked bodies off in the Kyrocentrum. We're informed that Czech athletes have been using this holistic treatment of going into a 180-degrees-below chamber for a long time. I'm finally starting to understand why Ivan Lendl's face always seemed to look frozen. Anyway, once again the teams had to strip down to their skivvies to complete the challenge. Is it me or has this season showed more skin than all other seasons combined? It seems like every week someone's an article shy of naked. Phil et al, let me just say that we don't need to see these people in the buff. Frankly, I hated Dan enough before I was forced to hate him even more tonight when I saw his bad chest-waxing job. At least the brothers were self-aware enough to know they shouldn't be overly psyched about stripping. ''My ass is too big for these,'' Sam said about his shorts. There are many mean things I could say about Sam, but his ass actually looked fine. And that concludes the ''I'm going to be nice to Sam or Dan'' portion of this recap. Meanwhile, ''I feel bad for polar bears,'' was the most creative thing the Spikey Ken doll named Cheyne could come up with. Animal mnemonic devices and polar bear jokes? Ugh. Could Meghan and Cheyne be any more annoyingly wholesome? When Ericka and Brian got there, Ericka said ''My ankles are freezing!'' which may have been my favorite comment of the night. Your ankles? Way to be in touch with your body, Ericka. Or completely delusional by thinking that your ankles can feel temperature.

It's no shock that Meghan and Cheyne zoomed through the detour, building a ''golem'' by slathering mud onto a straw and clay creature. I think Cheyne was trying to be cute when he said ''He's a fat ass'' about his golem. I wonder if using too much gel to spike up your blond hair makes your brain think you're an unfunny frat boy. Even Skipper seemed annoyed with him, though her reasoning had something to do with him being rude. What is up with her and rudeness? Nonetheless, Meghan and Cheyne delivered their best ''Shalom'' before delivering the golem to the rabbis (who were wearing hats that looked like they were bought at a ''Hats R Us'' store in the Prague airport). And of course, they made it to Phil and the finish line first and won a pair of TVs that, presumably, they can watch after going into their saunas while vacationing at the Four Seasons in Hawaii.

Places two and three didn't really seem up for grabs considering Flight Time and Big Easy's cop-out, but the producers did their best making us think the order was still up in the air. The brothers decided to deliver the golem to the rabbis as well, but managed to sweat about 5 billion gallons more than Meghan and Cheyne. The transcript of their shlepping the golem went something like this: ''Shut up! Dang it! Stop being a baby! Shut up! Dang it! Shut up! The rabbi is going to be pissed!'' Unfortunately, the rabbi wasn't pissed when he saw this broken-armed golem and he didn't even react when they asked for a blessing. How about this: Baruch Atah You're a D---head? Amen! And with that, the brothers went on to be team number 2.

Brian and Ericka decided they weren't going near the Golem and instead they'd carry 30 beers to a bar. The first trip was a disaster, with Ericka dropping all of her glasses and insisting that they give up and go for the Golem. Brian, ever the patient and loving husband, encouraged her to continue and carry as few glasses as she needed to finish the task. Meanwhile, drunken Czech bar-goers (and by ''drunken Czech bar-goers'' I mean ''paid extras'') were taunting these two as they carried their glasses, bringing back Ericka's inner bitch. ''Yeah, I do have some American attitude. Touch me and you'll get punched'' she said to a few of them. I hate when Ericka yells at Brian, but yelling at extras paid to be annoying? Hell, yeah! Apparently it worked because the taunting stopped. Well, either it worked or the sun came up and the extras had to go home to sleep. While these two were racing to Phil, Ericka commented about how beautiful the Charles Bridge was. With so much stress about making it into the final three, Ericka still managed to find the beauty in her surroundings. It seems like the other teams were so focused on winning that they couldn't stop to look around, even for a split second. So for the first time, I was actually happy that Brian and Ericka weren't eliminated.

What is there left to say about Flight Time and Big Easy? Not much. Clearly, the producers were over them too considering we didn't even get to see them finish their tasks. Did they do Legend (Golem) or Lager (beer carrying)? I almost wonder if they even finished those tasks. They didn't look all that dirty or tired by the time they got to Phil. ''We ran across the finish line with our heads held high,'' Big Easy said. Really? Whatever you say. Let's just hope the Globetrotters never insist the players must be able to complete a Jumble.

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UPDATE: Here's a Q&A with Flight Time and Big Easy from EW.com. They really DO seem pretty nice and easy-going. Now I feel a little bad.

The Oatmeal Does 'Twilight'

I found this breakdown of the appeal of the Twilight franchise at The Oatmeal via one of my other gossip sites and quite enjoyed it. It's funny - but it also makes some valid points. Observe:

How Twilight Works

A few weeks ago I had the miserable experience of reading Twilight. A friend bought it for me and I took it with me to read on a long flight from Seattle to Houston. I knew it was going to be crappy, but I thought it would be a guilty pleasure kind of crappy - where you know it's bad but you still get enjoyment out of it. I actually managed to power through around 400 pages until I gave up and started reading Sky Mall. I've been seeing Twilight everywhere lately, especially with Vampire Teens II New Moon's release, so I thought I'd break down why chicks go apeshit for it.

First off, the author creates a main character which is an empty shell. Her appearance isn't described in detail; that way, any female can slip into it and easily fantasize about being this person. I read 400 pages of that book and barely had any idea of what the main character looked like; as far as I was concerned she was a giant Lego brick. Appearance aside, her personality is portrayed as insecure, fumbling, and awkward - a combination anyone who ever went through puberty can relate to. By creating this "empty shell," the character becomes less of a person and more of something a female reader can put on and wear. Because I forgot her name (I think it was Barbara or Brando or something like that), I'm going to refer to her as "Pants" from here on out.

So after a few chapters of listening to Pants whine about high school, sucking at volleyball, and being the center of attention, the second major character is introduced. Imagine everything women want in a man, then exaggerate it by ten thousand - and you've got Edward Cullen. The level of detail that the author goes into while describing Edward's appearance is remarkable. At one point while reading I started counting the number of times the author used the expression "Edward's perfect face," and it was far into the double digits. The author excruciatingly details his muscular pecs, clothing, hair, eye color - even his goddamn breath (I'm not joking).

Edward intensely listens to everything Pants has to say, even if she's bitching about she had diarrhea on Christmas or her preferred method for cutting a sandwich in half. As far as the reader is concerned, Edward cares about nothing in the world more than Pants. What the author has done is created a perfect male figure - a pale Greek statue which the reader can worship and in turn be worshipped by.

So what about men that like Twilight?
If you're male and you like Twilight, you're gay. I don't mean that in the derogatory sense, I mean it in the "you want to put your testicles against another man's testicles while gripping handfuls of chesthair" kind of way.

And the movie?
The movie is just the same uninspired crap shat out onto a film reel. If you like the taste of horse manure on your bologna sandwiches, you're probably gonna like it on your birthday cake as well. The same principle applies with Twilight.

Beyond that, it's just a romance novel with the occasional vampire teen drama bullshit peppered here and there. It doesn't really break any new ground in the realm of vampire fiction, other than portraying vampires as a family of uncomfortable retards who prance around the woods eating deer and bunny rabbits. There's lots of nervous lip-biting, tender kisses between Pants and Edward, and lengthy descriptions of every feature of Edward's body. Pants is a static character who never really progresses beyond being an insecure vampire fangirl who obsesses over Edward. Whether her character grows beyond that is unknown to me, I'd stopped reading by then and shifted my attention to an electric butt-massaging chair in Sky Mall.

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Why, as a person who has neither read any of the Twilight books nor seen any of the Twilight movies (and so am essentially speaking of what I do not know... a.k.a. talking out of my ass), do I rag on Twilight and its fans so much? Well... Because I am well-versed in many aspects of entertainment and its affiliated gossip so I think I have an acceptable grasp of what happens in the stories. And I have many friends and family members that have read the books and/or seen the movies and I have discussed the Twilight phenomena with them many, many times. All of this leads me to feel confident in my opinion that the story and characters are (how can I put this more delicately than "utter drivel")... not for me.

Now, I cannot speak to whether or not I'd find it to be a guilty pleasure sort of read if I gave it a chance. Part of me thinks I actually would because the friends that I talk to about it really do like the books well enough without getting all freak show about them. But I also know some of those freak show people and yowza do they make me not want to ever touch anything to do with Twilight! They really, really do. Granted, I'm not prone to getting freak show-ish over much (I'm excluding the general topic of 'hot men' from this, okay?) but if I were, it would be something like Pride & Prejudice or Anne of Green Gables or even Harry Potter. I would not go absolutely mental and ga-ga over the story of a whiny chick with no self esteem who is being skeezed on by some sparkly 100-year-old dude which would normally be creepy but because he looks 17 it's okay. I'm biased, though. I always go for the tortured romances that take years for the lovers to get together over the kinds of stories built around "I don't know why I love you... but I do. Passionately. In fact, I'll kill myself if we're not together even though we just met yesterday." Maybe I'm the weird one.

I'm pretty okay with that.

Cheap Reward

I have to apologize - I know I am probably driving some of you batty with all of my Daily Show and/or Colbert Report posts. But the blog is more than just the highlight of your day; it's also a repository of my most favoritest photos, videos and the like. And in that spirit, I'd like to post a clip from last Thursday's Colbert Report in which Stephen sings "Cheap Reward" with guest Elvis Costello.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Elvis Costello
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Stephen actually has a lovely voice and I enjoyed his version of the song. Comedy Central needs to come out with a Colbert Report soundtrack CD!!! Then I could listen to "Where In the World and When In Time Is Stephen Colbert Going to Be In the Persian Gulf" or "Canton, South Dakota" anytime my little heart desires... Oh, how sweet that would be. So get on that, Comedy Central!

The Amazing Race 15: Week 9

Robert and I didn't get a chance to finish last night's episode because I was busy finishing an episode of My Fair Wedding with David Tutera... Believe me when I tell you Robert's disdain was palpable. Too bad! So sad. I knew it was going to be a non-elimination leg so, really, we weren't missing much by not watching it the same night it aired. I, on the other hand, could not wait to find out if David picked the guacamole, churros or sangria to give Christina's wedding that much-wanted flavor of Mexico. (You'll be relieved to know he went with the churros. Good decision! And don't worry - they weren't like Great America churros. They came with sauce. These were elegant churros, people.)

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Every so often there is a moment so shocking on Amazing Race that it causes me to rewind and re-evaluate everything I've thought to be true. That miraculous occurrence happened this week when Meghan decided she was going to become a sneaky, tricky player. ''Do you want to just tell everyone we found a Praga and it's a black hat…?'' she asked Cheyne after finding out on the computer that the Praga mentioned in their clue is a vintage car. What? Does Malibu Skipper (sorry, Barbie would never wear those boyish shorts) have the soul of the devil? Or perhaps Boston Rob? I got excited. This could get good, with teams left searching for a black hat while Meghan and Cheyne twirled their evil mustaches all the way to Phil and the finish mat. Well, the shocking moment turned out to be nothing at all, with the front-running but dreadfully dull team abandoning the sinister plot and going back to their nice 'n bland ways. ''We're so funny!'' Meghan exclaimed. (Key: Funny = boring? Funny = blond? Funny = laughing our way to the bank when we win this race in 3 weeks?)

But maybe the memo went out that there was a moratorium on dirty tricks. Both the brothers and the Globetrotters seemed to have been given a talking-to by the producers. After last week's not-so-veiled threats of playing dirty, this week these two teams steered clear of each other. ''Everything's cool.…It's all good!'' said Big Easy. Damn. Sometimes a good elbow jab can make an episode — or at least a flight across Europe — more interesting.

Indeed, no limbs went violent as all of the teams managed to make it to Prague in the Czech Republic without a hitch. Sam seemed to prove he'd gotten all the brains in the family when Dan asked, ''Do they speak Spanish there?'' That is, until Sam proved stupidity runs in DNA by later commenting, ''Prague? It's a country.'' Just a question: When you apply for the Amazing Race, don't you have to have the most basic grasp of map skills? Because I don't think Prague is exactly a random, small town in the middle of a remote island in the Indian Ocean. Doesn't anyone who knows anything about traveling to Europe know that Prague is one of the world's great cities?

Of course, getting to the center of Prague to find the Praga vintage car proved to be another story entirely. The brothers, Globetrotters, and our non-deceptive Meghan and Cheyne found it without a hitch. (The brothers, incidentally, insisted on following Meghan and Cheyne to the clue box, the very thing they criticized the Globetrotters for doing to them. ''Thank God we saw Cheyne and Meghan…we would've been there forever trying to find it,'' a completely non-self-aware Sam said). Brian and Ericka, on the other hand, decided that they would take travel tips from some shlub they met on the airplane. So while the rest of the teams took taxis, Miss America and her goateed husband decided to take what seemed like every mode of transportation ever invented to get to the subway. Now, I'm all for subways, but not when you have to take a bus to get to them. Kind of defeats the purpose of traveling without traffic if you have to sit in traffic to get to the place where you don't have to sit in traffic, no?

In the end, everyone made it to the roadblock, Kayaky Troja, where teams had to choose between an aerial ropes course or a human-made white water kayaking course. Malibu Ken and Barbie made it through in impressive time, along with Flight Time. Big Easy, on the other hand, proved to be more Big than Easy, with his 260 lbs. dragging the rope down so low it was practically submerged. While Big was struggling, Flight Time was getting on Cheyne's last spikey-haired nerve by climbing down from the ropes course tower too slowly. I love how calm Flight Time remains as everyone around him melts down. The redder Cheyne's face got, the more relaxed Flight Time seemed to get. But both teams decided to work together to find a cab until Cheyne grabbed one going by without even a nod of acknowledgment that he was blowing them off. ''You're being rude! You're being rude!'' Meghan chided him. (Key: Rude = good game playing? Rude = almost as obnoxious as I was at the airport this morning? Rude = blond?)

Meanwhile, back at the detour, Sam and Dan capsized three glorious times before changing to the ropes course — all the while yelling ''Bitch!'' And ''Shut up dude!'' at each other. Clearly, somebody and his brother didn't learn too much from last week's teary realization that it wasn't worth yelling at each other. And their short-term memory didn't stop there. The team obsessed with pointing out other teams' ethical shortcomings decided they would steal Brian and Ericka's taxi. Classy, boys, classy.

I usually laugh when bad things happen to Ericka because she's such an easy target — miscounting bells, etc. — but tonight I felt bad for her. ''Use two hands!'' Brian was gently encouraging her. ''I am!'' she screamed back. She's one the last women left in the race and that ropes course looked like it was a brutal upper body workout for professional athletes, so it couldn't have been easy for a former Miss America.

All the teams eventually ended up at the Estates Theater, where Mozart premiered Don Giovanni. Everyone had to find a teeny little mandolin among the 600 seats. Cheyne and Big Easy put on their head-flashlights and threw open doors, lifted up seats, and did their best to abuse this beautiful building to find their clue. Flight Time was nothing short of hilarious when he got annoyed at Malibu Skipper's constant screeching ''Cheyne! Cheyne!'' I even loved when Flight Time worked his totally unimpressive yet totally awesome ballet moves on the stage. That guy should win the race for having the best personality.

When the brothers arrived they were all joyous at the Don Giovanni challenge reference. Sam even started belting out a few lines. (Wait. Let me get this straight...you know opera but you don't know that Prague is not a country? Someone's college education was seriously lopsided!) No doubt Big Easy was annoyed that Dan found the mandolin first. But not half as annoyed as Brian and Ericka were when they saw the brothers leaving just as they were arriving. ''I definitely avoided eye contact,'' Sam said. Probably a smart move. Ericka's got quite the death stare. Just ask Brian. Self-awareness hit an all-time low when the brothers couldn't find a taxi outside the Theatre. ''How hard is it to find a taxi?'' Um, it's called karma. And no, they don't speak Spanish there.

In the end, Meghan and Cheyne came in first (with a trip to Hawaii!), Sam and Dan second, Flight Time and Big Easy third, and Brian and Ericka last. Much as the brothers would have loved for Brian and Ericka to get kicked off the race in the country of Prague, they were out of luck. Phil, who always painfully telegraphs when it's a non-elimination leg, painfully telegraphed that it was a non-elimination leg. I don't think Brian and Ericka have run the best race so I'm not entirely happy that they will now compete to run among the top three. But boy am I looking forward to next week when Ericka takes out her wrath on those brothers. Hell hath no fury like a Miss America scorned. ''I'm going for the jugular,'' she said when that taxi drove away with the brothers. The jugular? Could last week's elbow jab been a mere appetizer? Will blood be spilled next week? Did you think the brothers played too dirty? Should taxi stealing get you punished at the finish mat?

Thanksgiving Safety Tips

Gosh! I hadn't realized that my last post was put up last Wednesday. I don't really know what I've been doing all week that's kept me so busy but I hoped I enjoyed whatever it was. :o) What's worse is this post isn't even that good! But I came across a link to this ASPCA article about Thanksgiving doggy dos and don'ts and thought I'd be a good person and pass it along. I know there are those in my family - thought I'll refrain from naming names (mostly because the main perpetrator in question doesn't read the blog regularly) - who would just love to reward Garfunkel's pleading eyes and sad sniffs with some Thanksgiving grub. And while this article offers no real Earth-shattering info, it does act as a friendly reminder to those of us that are just so darn giving... Plus, I liked the dog in the turkey outfit.

‘Tis the season for friends, family and holiday feasts—but also for possible distress for our animal companions. Pets won’t be so thankful if they munch on undercooked turkey or a pet-unfriendly floral arrangement, or if they stumble upon an unattended alcoholic drink.

Check out the following tips from ASPCA experts for a fulfilling Thanksgiving that your pets can enjoy, too.

Talkin’ Turkey
If you decide to feed your pet a little nibble of turkey, make sure it’s boneless and well-cooked. Don't offer her raw or undercooked turkey, which may contain salmonella bacteria.

Sage Advice
Sage can make your Thanksgiving stuffing taste delish, but it and many other herbs contain essential oils and resins that can cause gastrointestinal upset and central nervous system depression to pets if eaten in large quantities. Cats are especially sensitive to the effects of certain essential oils.

No Bread Dough
Don't spoil your pet’s holiday by giving him raw bread dough. According to ASPCA experts, when raw bread dough is ingested, an animal's body heat causes the dough to rise in his stomach. As it expands, the pet may experience vomiting, severe abdominal pain and bloating, which could become a life-threatening emergency, requiring surgery.

Don't Let Them Eat Cake
If you’re baking up Thanksgiving cakes, be sure your pets keep their noses out of the batter, especially if it includes raw eggs—they could contain salmonella bacteria that may lead to food poisoning.

Too Much of a Good Thing
A few small boneless pieces of cooked turkey, a taste of mashed potato or even a lick of pumpkin pie shouldn’t pose a problem. However, don't allow your pets to overindulge, as they could wind up with a case of stomach upset, diarrhea or even worse—an inflammatory condition of the pancreas known as pancreatitis. In fact, it’s best keep pets on their regular diets during the holidays.

A Feast Fit for a Kong
While the humans are chowing down, give your cat and dog their own little feast. Offer them Nylabones or made-for-pet chew bones. Or stuff their usual dinner—perhaps with a few added tidbits of turkey, vegetables (try sweet potato or green beans) and dribbles of gravy—inside a Kong toy. They’ll be happily occupied for awhile, working hard to extract their dinner from the toy.

Twilight "Art"

Uh. Mah. Gah!!! This gallery of Twilight-inspired... merchandise... cracked me up! I have never understood the obsession with Twilight but it certainly does foster some hilarious fan creations! Yowza.

I think #3 is my favorite. Edward's Bic'ed abs really pushed it over the top! ;o) (Wait. Maybe that's supposed to be Jacob... I have no idea.)

Colbert Goofs

I LOVE, love, love, love when Stephen Colbert breaks character and cracks up on his show - it always makes me giggle! :o) Always. Luckily for me, then, Comedy Central Insider has compiled some of Colbert's best onscreen crackups, from both The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. Check out the post here.

The Prince Charles one is indeed a classic but for some reason the crackup below has stayed with me for years. (It wasn't included in the list but because I'm so stuck on it, I knew how to find it on Colbert Nation. Is that sad? If only I could remember why the mousetrap was on his desk...)

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The Amazing Race 15: Week 8

Wow. I should've been a little less excited at the prospect of a new recapper and been a little more forgiving of Josh's lackluster posts because DANG! The new recapper isn't even trying to be funny! Nor is she addressing the important issues of the episode in depth: First, how in the world Big Easy could be under the misconception that Sam somehow decided racing to the mat wasn't as important as screwing the Globetrotters, slammed on his brakes and starting running backward to elbow Flight Time (she supposedly watched it several times over and couldn't figure this out? Stupid recapper.); and, more importantly, why oh WHY were the brothers' undergarments pixelated when nooooobody else's were?!! They were pixelated during the entirety of the challenge!! So it's not like it was a one-time slip that revealed a little too much. They were sporting some major erections or something. Maybe they found the Estonian athletes a little hotter than they let on, eh?

Enough of that - on to the recap! The painfully unfunny and uninformative recap. Whee.

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I've been here before. You know, in that unenviable position of inheriting Josh Wolk's TV watch. He dared to go on vacation last summer with his family and you know who was asked to fill in on Josh's Big Brother watch. Next thing I know, I'm getting the hate comments. One after another. ''Where's Josh?'' ''Who's this evil Jessica person?'' ''Bring back the Wolk man!'' To all those people who plan to hate on me, all I have to say is: I'm 6'10'' and 260 so I'm gonna do what I gotta do.

Hey, if Big Easy can throw down like that, why can't I? (Answer: Because I'm not 6'10'' or 260?)

But I've gotten ahead of myself, to those final moments when Phil was practically begging for a brother on Globetrotter brawl. Much to cover before then.

All five teams left Stockholm for Tallinn, Estonia, only to find out the first ferry was a gazillion hours later. When teams I like are ahead I always get so annoyed at the Race for evening things up, and tonight was no exception. I can't help myself — I like the Globetrotters and I wanted them to have a comfortable lead. I like that they never lose it on each other. I like the joy they bring to traveling. And, of course, I like their theme music. Every team should have theme music (''I'm a Bitch'' for Ericka?). And Flight Time and Big Easy weren't too thrilled with their long pre-ferry layover either, but at least they were smart enough to grab some extra snooze time in the car. By the way, why'd the shoes get evicted from the car? Too ginormous to fit? Too stinky? Just wondering.

Eventually everyone arrived to the Brotherhood of the Blackheads, which sounds like a group of pubescent guys who pick at their acne in some secret dungeon. Alas, it's just a secret society of merchants. Or, as Ericka calls them with disdain, ''these Medieval men.'' She's onto something considering they look like they just exited the extras door of Medieval Times, with their big brown robes and grunting sounds when the stupid American didn't know the definition of the word ''candelabra.''

Come on, Matt! Being American doesn't exactly get the ol' ''Wow! Cool!'' response from the rest of the world. Do you have to further tarnish our reputation by not knowing a word you should have learned in D&D back in 4th grade? And don't tell me you didn't play D&D. And, frankly, even if you didn't know the actual definition, didn't the first half of the word tip you off? Candle-abra. CANDLE-abra. ''I don't frickin get it. Am I missing something?'' he asked. Um, yeah, like a gradeschooler's vocabulary. I'll stop now because I won't be the one to hit a guy minutes before he gets the ol' heave-ho from Phil. And not just 'cause I'm not 6'10'' or 260.

Speaking of Big Easy, I absolutely loved his comment to Flight Time who first attempted to red crayon his way through the clue, but managed to come out with the right information. ''You big headed it!'' complimented Big Easy to his partner. I have no idea what that means, but I'm sure as hell going to use it as much as possible.

As Matt managed to mess up almost everything on this leg (from thinking his black bandana would intimidate the other teams to creeping out the hottie on the sauna bus Speed Bump to not reading the word ''gardens'' in his clue, leaving the team scrambling to enter the tower instead of looking for the very obvious clue box) on his way to being eliminated with Gary, the rest of the teams headed out to play volleyball in knee-high mud or fling radishes in mud shoes. Wow. Estonia's tourist industry is going to collapse if too many people see this episode. Come to Estonia! We have lots of, um, mud!

Meghan and Cheyne were impressive at the sport, quickly scoring point after point. It's hard for me to truly like this team and I'm not sure why. Is it that they look like Malibu Ken and Barbie? Meghan's hay meltdown? Cheyne's blatant disregard for proper name spelling? Just when I was starting to warm up to them this episode, they had to go and look totally ungrateful when Phil told them they'd won a sauna for coming in first. ''Wow,'' was all Meghan could get out, with about as much genuine emotion as when Ericka tells Brian she loves him.

Not that I should be complaining about the former Miss America. Ericka was hardly at her worst tonight, though she did have a few hateful moments. (And, no I'm not talking about her ''all the girl is wearing is a pair of stringy thongs'' admission to Brian in the car. As far as I'm concerned, any woman who opts for lingerie over Jockey briefs while racing and facing unknown athletic challenges should be commended.) I was more talking about ''Wow. Dude. You really just gave them a taxi?'' when Brian actually allowed Ken and Barbie to take the car they had every right to take. And, moments later ''Brian, I'm gonna have to keep him in check.'' Honey, forget keeping him in check. Just keep him. Because without him, you'd have been eliminated weeks ago. And the man can fire a mean radish.

At least Sam and Dan, all weepy from being boy bitches to each other last week, seemed to really enjoy the sights that Estonia had to offer. ''Some hottie Estonian boys!'' Sam said. Right on, dude! You go and find beauty in a blond dude about to be drowning in mud. Oh, wait. Why are your private parts being blurred out? Those shorts shouldn't really be showing anything. Sure, Dan could have covered up a little more. But Sam? Did something escape? On both you and your brother but no one else on the race? I'm uncomfortable now.

Of course, not nearly as uncomfortable as the whole brother v. Globetrotter race/elbow jab/trip/I rewound it 5 times and still couldn't figure out what happened. ''Big Easy has a look on his face like he wants to kick some butt right now,'' Phil said to the two teams who arrived second and third, just seconds apart. I was half hoping the Blackheads were going to come out of nowhere in their brown robes and start yelling ''Fight! Fight! Fight! Where's that loser who doesn't know what a candelabra is? Fight!'' Where was the super-duper slo-mo dissection of what happened? I needed more. I needed at least three replays. Instead, all I got was a nice big threat from Big Easy — who wasn't even the guy elbowed! — that promises to end in elimination soon enough. ''We didn't know that the elbow and the physical stuff was in play. Now we know that it's in play so…,'' Big Easy said (subtitled so you didn't miss it!). No one wants to see a guy who says ''We're gonna do what we gotta do'' win the whole thing, no matter how great his theme music is.

What do you think of the Sam/Dan vs. Flight Time/Big Easy spat? Should Big Easy play dirty? Should Sam and Dan get new shorts?