Thank You

I wanted to write-up a quick thank you to to everyone who took a moment to send me an e-mail or comment on my Facebook link or directly on the blog after my last post. I know it's been several weeks but I want you all to know how very much I appreciate all of your thoughts, well wishes, and offers of help. Although there really isn't much anyone can actually do, it's been helpful to me and I feel so much better getting it all out there and letting people know what's (been) going on. So listening is the best thing and I appreciate you all doing that for me. :o)

I do want to address just a couple things brought to my attention after my post. The first is that I would be remiss if I didn't mention what a big help my aunt Ruby has been. As I mentioned and as some of you know, it can be quite difficult dealing with my mom during her more unwell spells and even as her daughter I sometimes find myself unable to get myself to visit or call as often as I should. My aunt has been a big help in many ways since my mom's health began declining and I want her to know how much I and my sisters appreciate it. Her visits often give my dad a much needed break, (even allowing him to be able to actually leave the house!), and give my mom a change of pace, too. I know it's hard for her just like it is for the rest of us but I so very much appreciate her willingness to still come down spend time with my mom.

The second item is a question, one that surprised me and came from quite a few people -- how am I dealing with essentially not having a mom now that I have a baby? And honestly, that's something that hadn't even crossed my radar until I was asked because by the time I found out I was pregnant, my mom was already sick and I knew she wasn't going to be able to help me with the kinds of things she would have been able to in her healthier days. I actually talked about it with my therapist a long while ago when my sister, Michelle, first broached the topic with me and we came to the conclusion that, because I had no expectations of having a "traditional" mother around to ask questions of or to come over and help out when I had a baby, I felt no sadness or disappointment when none of that happened once I had Mallory. And that totally makes sense to me. I will say that I felt sad when I first discovered I was pregnant; Robert and I went to Disneyland the week after we found out and I remember seeing lots of grandparents with their grandkids and feeling sad that my children will never have that experience with my parents. But that's really the only time I can recall feeling down about my mom's illness with regard to my pregnancy. I would, of course, love for my mom to be able to have a more active presence in Mallory's life but I have my sisters and they have been a ginormous help with all things baby! And I've had several moms in my extended friends and family network who have offered to help out or answer questions and that's very kind, too. :o) I think because I sort of made peace with "losing" my mom and all that she was and could do well before I got pregnant it hasn't been a big issue. And in a weird way I am thankful for that.

So, to finish up, once again...