Weaning Garfunkel

As I mentioned in an earlier post, we have slowly but surely been trying to get Garfunkel accustomed to spending more time by himself. This past week we decided to have my dad - who usually comes before I leave for work to watch the dog - come to the condo at 9. That gave Garfunkel a good 30 - 45 minutes of alone time every morning. Nothing too drastic but a good start. Of course, I am always the last one to leave in the morning (since Robert is the first one to get up... whatever) so I am stuck trying to distract the poor guy while simultaneously trying to sneak out the door. The Funk is not dumb - he is not distracted by anything in the morning if he thinks one of us is trying to leave. He knows our routine. He hates my lunch bag, my water bottle, my purse. And once I get my keys off the rack, look out! Howl city. Eventually, though, I have to leave so I run out the door with a mewing puppy screeching at the top of his lungs. I'm sure our neighbors love us right now.

Instead of keeping Garfunkel in his crate for the half-hour, we fenced off the kitchen for him. (He has a litter box of sod in there for any bathroom needs he may have during his alone time and it just seems so much less cruel than forcing him to hold it in the crate. We're soft.) We don't really have any way to anchor it to the wall, so it just sits against the kitchen wall on one side, pinned by the sod box, and it's tucked between the armchair and the fireplace on the other side. This is how we found the fence after the first day:


Garfunkel figured out how to push the fence out from behind the chair. He didn't even get out on the easy side! He went the hard way!!! My dad said The Funk was hanging off the back of the couch, crying and waiting for someone to get him when he arrived.


This was the fate of the fence after the second day. Garfunkel didn't mess around - he just busted the entire fence down. Once again, he was waiting on the couch - a place he knows he's not supposed to sit, by the way - for my dad when he arrived. Luckily, he wasn't crying that day. And so, after that, I didn't even bother trying to secure the gate; I just set it up to last long enough for me to get out the door. Garfunkel never pees or poops anywhere in the house and he doesn't even chew on anything he's not supposed to. As far as we can tell, he just breaks out and then sits either on the couch or right in front of the front door waiting for someone to rescue him. My dad has taken to entering the condo with a paper towel, since Garfunkel is always just SO excited (and, uh, relieved) to see someone. :o) We may try bumping the time out even further this week but we haven't reached a firm decision yet...


Garfunkel peeking out from one of his favorite hiding places - under our bed. That's the first place he heads when we open the door. And if a little of his tail peeks out from under the skirt, he'll pull it in quickly when he hears our feet. Dork.


I took a picture of this because it cracked. me. up. About a week ago, Robert brought home a new can of Kong goop. I filled Garfunkel's bone Kong, placed the cap on top and went on with my night. The next morning, this is what we found. The nozzle was defective and never shut off! All the goop exploded out and onto the counter!!!! What's really remarkable, though, is it never blew the cap off. Weird. I don't know why it tickled me so but it really did. I would laugh throughout the day whenever I thought about the crusted-over glob of goop on the counter.

Hot Men Happy Friday!!!

A little behind-the-scenes action on David Beckham's newest spot for the Motorola Aura. YUMMY. Me likes. (Me also wonders who gets to grease up Beckham for a living? I never get the oiler jobs!! It would be my luck to get hired the same week Beckham pledged never again to go shirtless... and someone like Dennis Rodman is hired to take his place. Just like when I fought to get the water polo team photos for my yearbook assignment senior year - only to find out Aaron Severson had opted off the team. I had to spend my time taking photos of Scott Schroeder in a Speedo. It was dreadful!!) Anyway, enjoy!!

Movie Morsels 49: Harry Potter

Wow - yet another Half-Blood Prince trailer has been released! How many is that now? Four? Anyway, this one is the darkest yet and sheds a lot more light on Draco's part in the story. Seeing as I haven't read the book there are a few characters I don't recognize (who's the wolf-y guy in the field @ the 2:00 mark?) and I'm a wee bit worried I'll be lost watching the movie the first time. I'd hoped to have caught up book-wise by the time the movie comes out but... I'm still only midway through the 2nd book. I'm busy! I have a dog! And Robert! And other stuff! :o) Anyway, the trailer says the movie comes out July 17th but that's incorrect - earlier this week Warner Bros. confirmed that the movie will debut two days earlier, on July 15th. I'll still have to see it at the one theater on Kaui- which is, of course, on the opposite side of the island where we'll be staying - but I will see it!

Wente Tasting

Robert and I had our cake and wine tasting at Wente last Saturday and can I just say that I am ecstatic that we are done!!! Which is not to say that I wish we'd never gone; it was great to have a chance to see Wente in spring, when everything is green and starting to bloom. The last time we were there it was January and rather bleak. But now it's absolutely lovely and it just reaffirmed our decision to have the wedding at such a gorgeous venue. However... I was not looking forward to spending 3+ hours sampling food and (especially) wine. I am a picky eater - the prospect of having to eat a variety of foofy cakes does not interest me in the least! And wine? Bleh. Me no likey, not even a little bit. So, Robert and I came up with the brilliant idea of inviting our parents. They could help us with the decision making - a big help - and they would have a chance to check out the grounds before the wedding so they have a better idea of what everything will look like. Win-win! As such, we all got up early and headed to Livermore for our 11:00 tasting appointment. (Maria agreed to dog-sit Garfunkel while we were away which was a huge help. Thanks again, Maria!)

Robert and I had decided long ago that we didn't really want a wedding cake. Robert is not a big cake guy in general and I am not necessarily a fan of wedding cake in particular. It's expensive, the flavors are almost always too exotic for my taste (which isn't hard to accomplish - if it's not yellow cake with chocolate frosting, it's too exotic for my taste!) and usually looks a lot better than it tastes. Unfortunately for us, Wente has their own bakery so, of course, the wedding cake is included in the wedding package. So. We were stuck. But, Wente was very accommodating and worked with Robert (and, through extension, me) to find an alternative to cake. I love, love, love cream puffs so I ran that suggestion up the flag pole and success! Robert was game, Wente was willing and we were thus set-up to taste a selection of cream puffs at the tasting on Saturday. I won't bore you with the details and I won't even tell you the final selection of flavors so as to keep at least a little something a surprise. I will just say - again - that there will be no wedding cake at all, just cream puffs on the big day. I wanted to get that out there in advance so that the more traditional folk can get comfortable with the idea that there will be no proper cake and all its accompanying hoopla to speak of. :o)

On to the wine tasting. I can't really give you any specifics on this because I just do NOT care for wine in any way, shape or form and therefore declined to partake of the tasting. Robert, Bob, Carmen and my dad did, however, while my mom and I sat on a bench and played video games. There seemed to be a general consensus among the tasters and after my dad did a little more research, he provided us with a selection that I think will both go well with our entrees and make our guests happy. And I'll be happy with my Coke.

So! Four-and-a-half hours later we were done!! The time is a little misleading, though, because our cake tasting was schedule to take an hour and we only took about 40 minutes. So, we had to wander around for about a half-hour waiting for our coordinator to finish up with some other clients. We then went over all the finer details of the ceremony and reception and that took some time. Then we all headed over to the restaurant for a leisurely lunch that ate up a good chunk of time. And, of course, the wine tasting took forever and a day because you have to savor the wine, blah blah blah. I was sooooo ready to get out of there after 2 glasses of wine... too bad there were 3 more to go. Wah. I was a big whiny baby. But we persevered and finished and I'm all the happier for it. I also very much appreciated the parents taking time out of their weekend to trek up to Livermore and help Robert and me out with some of our decisions. It was a big help. :o)

Here are a few photos of the lawn area where we will be having both the ceremony and the reception. If you've never been to Went, it will hopefully give you a better idea of where we'll be and when.

As you can see, a wedding is already set-up at this end of the lawn. This is one of four options we were given for an outdoor ceremony. It is not, however, the one we picked.


A view of the restaurant from the ceremony spot. Wente has their own security to keep diners from straggling over to the reception.


This is the spot we chose for the ceremony - between the trees on the lawn, looking out over the courtyard and the vines.


This is the 3rd option - on the lawn, facing the hills. Eh. (I don't have a photo of the 4th option - sorry! It basically entails getting married under the doorway of the building where we'd have had the ceremony had we chosen to do it indoors. It's a nice building... but no.)



The families after lunch. Everyone else thought the food was fantastic... I, of course, eat kid's food so it was not my favorite. Luckily for me, though, I was able to find two un-foofy dinner options for the wedding. And they are:

(1.) Pan Seared Salmon with Mashed New Potatoes, Summer Vegetables and Avocado-Tomato Relish;

OR

(2.) Wente Vineyards Signature House Smoked Double Cut Pork Chop on Creamy Polenta with Garden Chard and Brentwood Peach Chutney

Both selections will be preceded by a Grilled White Corn Soup with Nasturtium-Chervil Butter (YUM! I'm looking forward to that the most!).

All the wedding details are on a site I set-up at Wedding Pearl - you can find our page at http://www.laurenandrobert.weddingpearl.com. I added the link to the left-hand sidebar as well, so if you ever feel like checking in periodically to see what, if anything, has been updated, you don't have to find this post. It has info on the wedding party, the menu, our registries (which we haven't set up yet...), etc. It will be the go-to place to find all the wedding details in one place!

TV Tidbits 57 - Shear Genius

Gah!!!! It looks like Bravo has started casting the 3rd season of Genius... and replaced Jaclyn Smith with Camila Alves as host!! And it gets worse - Jonathan Antin, the blow hard from Blow Out, is also coming on board! Ugh.

According to OK! Magazine:

Get your scissors sharpened and brush up on your layering techniques, Shear Genius fans, Season 3 is on its way with new host Camila Alves.

The Bravo show, which pits wannabe hair stylists against each other in the salon for a $100,000 prize, was hosted by Jaclyn Smith in the past.

Camila will take on her new hosting duties in the upcoming season, and will be assisted by judges Kim Vo and reality show veteran Jonathan Antin. Jonathan starred on his own show, Blow Out, which revolved around daily life in his salons in L.A. He's also the brother of Pussycat Dolls' founder Robin Antin.

Maybe Levi's daddy Matthew McConaughey will stop by with that mane of golden curls for a touch-up!

Tune in this season to find out!

Now, Shear Genius is not one of my favorite reality shows - heck, it's not even one of my favorite reality shows on Bravo - but I do watch it and it is a darn sight better than Top Design. And I wasn't all into Jaclyn Smith as a host but: a) she is an actress so at least she was comfortable in front of a camera (I'm looking at YOU Katie Lee Joel); b) she was (and still is, I guess) known for her gorgeous mane so her hosting a hair show was sort of cute; and c) she was both encouraging and snarky when needed. What the hell has Camila Alves ever done to warrant hosting a program?!! Aside from being Matthew McConaughey's arm candy and sharing in his mobile home-filled, deoderant-free life, of course. What? She's a Brazilian model with Camila "a minor uncredited role in Walt Disney's film Snow Dogs in 2002," you say? Well, then!

Amazing Race 14 - week 8

Phil's blog is rather enlightening this week - if you normally skip it, you may want to check it out. (I've highlighted the most interesting bits, though, so you can skim if you need to!)

Phil's blog:

One of the things the Race does is give you a good idea of who would be useful on a desert island. And while Victor may be at the top of his game as a lawyer, he clearly isn't blessed with some very practical skills. I'm always amazed at how many very capable people have no idea how to do practical things.

For two guys who seem to know how to do just about everything, Mark and Michael really fell apart in this episode. Just when it looked like they were going to break out and start leading the pack, they were hit with a four-hour penalty because they continued to break the rules. Who knows where those guys would be in this game if they played within the regulations. Two penalties last week and two penalties this week? That's insane. I believe they are the most penalized team in the history of the Race.

We all joked about Mark and Michael having done everything. No matter what anybody working on the production said they had done, those two guys had done it or knew how to do it. There is no doubt they have a lot of life experience, but after a while it got quite hysterical.

On another point, one of the golden rules of traveling on the Race (or traveling, period) is that you never lose sight of the essentials -- namely, your passport and a way to buy yourself out of trouble. No matter where I go in the world, I never lose contact with or sight of either. After seeing what happened to Toni and Dallas in season 13, you would have thought we would never see a repeat of their costly mistake.

I don't think we really touched on it in the show, but that boat ride after they finished assembling the propeller was about 45 minutes long -- and that's in a boat. Jump in a taxi and add traffic, and that turns into a two-hour cab ride. It's almost impossible to overcome that type of play.

I love the Detour in this episode. Margie was amazing. And as she said, being a nurse really helped her in finding the right piece for the perfect smile. I actually felt quite sick when I was on location. I definitely would have gone with the karaoke. I don't know how a dentist goes digging around in people's mouths. This was definitely Margie's leg. Obviously Luke was right there with her, but she was driving the team this week. From the propellers to the dentures, she had her A game on. By the way, all of us on the show thought the dentures were going to take quite a while to complete, but Margie flew through that challenge. She was reaching into the locals' mouths without hesitation. I would say she probably finished that in about 5 minutes. They were on a mission this week.

I was really impressed with the way she bounced back after her collapse on the mat last week. A lot of you commented last week that it seemed like we dragged out that scene. Nothing could be farther from the truth. The safety of everyone is our No. 1 priority. If you really think otherwise, then you clearly don't know the outstanding safety record we've had for the past 14 seasons. Enough said.

One of the more odd occurrences from tonight’s episode was the flooding of the streets. It was a little disconcerting, to be honest, for all of us in production. When we first started seeing the rising water, we started to panic a little, but then we were informed by some of the locals that this was a daily occurrence. The river rose above the banks and spilled over into the city. Pretty freaky. Favorite scene from tonight's episode was the party taxis ... so fun. Classic Race moment -- taking the racers completely out of their element and throwing them into an "out of this world" scenario. Without a doubt, Tammy and Victor welcomed the karaoke with open arms. All of the teams seemed to have fun. I don't think Mark and Michael knew that their backup singers were transvestites. They made it all the way through the ride without knowing, and then I think one of the locals told them ... reminds me of that scene in The Crying Game.

I've been teeing it up for weeks now, and we're finally here: Next week is the most memorable mat meltdown of all time. Margie and Luke vs. Kisha and Jen. These two teams battle throughout the entire leg and end up with mere seconds separating them at the check in. I've never seen two teams go at it like this before and have it carry all the way to the mat.

Thank you to all of those who understand just how much energy this ride is taking out of me right now. I am very focused on raising money and awareness for MS. And riding 100 miles a day in rain, sleet or snow is definitely taking a toll. Makes me wish I could multiply myself like Michael Keaton did in Multiplicity. I'm 1,500 miles into my ride, doing open casting calls along the way, and the response has been overwhelming. We'll keep you updated on future casting calls on www.philridesacrossamerica.com.

A huge thank you to Margie and Luke, who turned up in the pouring rain in Denver to support the start of one of my MS rides. Having you there meant a lot.

----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Recap:

While we have been made aware of many Amazing Race rules (only one player can complete a Roadblock; teams must follow every clue to the letter, etc.), there are apparently many that we viewers never learn, but which are written up in the Amazing Race Bill of Rights that are only spelled out to players. We were taught two of them tonight: You can not check in without your passport, and you can not barter your personal belongings for goods and services. Bertram Van Munster holds these truths to be self-evident (even if they're not to viewers), and players must accept them as easily as they accept the rules that benefit them. For example, did you know that all Racers are promised a two-to-one tranny-to-player ratio in all matters karaoke? That's a great deal!

Before we get into the penalties under debate, let's back up to the beginning, when the teams found themselves off to Bangkok. When last night's show was over, I turned on my computer only to be faced with this headline: Calls for revolution: Tourists warned to stay away as violent protesters take to Bangkok's streets forcing Prime Minister to flee. Wow, it's a good thing the Race wasn't happening now. I imagine Jaime's browbeating would not have gone over quite as well during a coup.

There was an odd moment at the beginning that left me utterly confused for a few minutes. Phil said that Tammy and Victor left at 9:27 p.m., while Jaime and Cara departed at 12:31 a.m., and Mark and Michael at 12:46 a.m. This made no sense at all, since Mark and Michael actually arrived at the pit stop before Tammy and Victor, and were only given a one-hour penalty. I spent far too much time drawing graphs and charts figuring out how this could be (had the time-shifting on Lost extended all the way to the Amazing Race?), only to realize that the producers had just made a mistake, and Tammy and Victor had left at 12:27 a.m., not 9:27. (Especially because they and the cheerleaders arrived at the pit stop at nearly the same amount of time.) There: now I've devoted far too much space dissecting this error, thereby wasting not just my own time, but yours as well. Is there a penalty for that, too? Do I now have to sit at my desk for four hours before I can start recapping again?

Anyway, the race resumed in Bangkok just as it had ended in Phuket: with Jaime yelling at cab drivers. When looking for verification that their cab was ''official,'' Jaime asked someone else on the street and, when he consulted with someone else, she shouted at him, ''Listen! Listen! Stop talking to him!'' Boy, her behavior really makes you want to invite Jaime over to your house for dinner, doesn’t it? Jaime said that language barriers turn her into Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, but does that analogy still hold when she's never Dr. Jekyll? That'd be like if a prostitute said, ''I'm just like the main character in the movie Angel, where she was a high school honor student by day, and Hollywood hooker at night, except I'm not a high school honor student by day. Anyway, that'll be twenty bucks.''

The teams are clearly getting more competitive. As they all took off in their cabs for their first destination—a boatyard—they mercilessly jockeyed for position as none of their cabbies knew where to go. When Kisha and Jen and Margie and Luke both pulled over, it seemed like Margie got her cabbie to give the sisters' wrong directions, sending them off on a goose chase. You know someone's truly bounced back from heatstroke when they have the presence of mind to screw someone over.

And now a short break for a humanizing fact we learned in the cab: Jaime likes to call dogs ''doogies.'' Isn't that adorable?

And now a short break for a mitigating factor: After doing so, Jaime likes to scream at the ''doogies'' for panting too loudly and for barking in a way that she can't understand. Why the hell can't they bark English like the rest of us? STUPID ANIMALS!

At the boatyard, the Roadblock involved attaching a propeller to a long-tail boat. Margie finished first, and Luke told her to make sure to bring their bags into the boat. Then, when Jaime finished, and their boat had set sail, she realized she'd left their bags with their cabbie, and made their boat captain turn around to get them. Why were the producers wasting time with all this talk of bags? Of course these people needed their bags, it's a no-brainer! What kind of dope would…oh, whoops, never mind. Continue with your foreshadowing.

Moments later, the two doomed teams, Mark and Michael and Kisha and Jen, took off in their boats without their bags, passports, and wallets. Both teams realized their mistake, and just as quickly dismissed it. Jen seemed the most concerned, but gave in to her sister (who had gone so far as to leave her shoes back on the dock). Jen then carefully took a seat in the back of the boat so as to give the cameraman the optimal shot of her perched over her big sis' shoulder, glowering. Sure, to further make her point she could have spent the whole trip silently shaking her fist at oblivious Kisha's back, but that would have been gilding the lily.

And now for something odd that I noticed that I wonder if anyone else did. When Jaime dashed to the boatyard for the Roadblock, I noticed that she was slightly…asymmetrical. How do I put this delicately: She had one headlight on? She was winking at me? One of her turkeys was done? Am I not making myself clear? Let's just say that in the chest region, one side was popping out, the other wasn't. Now, I had no intention of including such a gauche observation in my recap. (Though considering I've noted the testi-Phils in the past, I've proved myself to be an equal-opportunity observer of clothing-poking appendages.) But something odd happened that made me comment: All the way up until the moment when the cheerleaders jumped onto the boat with their backpacks, Jaime was mono-nipplitic. But when we cut back to the boat after it had embarked on its journey, there was suddenly a black smear on Jaime's shirt that looked like a Playboy bunny, and it covered Mt. Nipplest, rendering it invisible. And that bunny remained there for the rest of the leg. It could have been a grease stain from her propeller work, and yet it appeared long after she'd finished that task. Was it strategically placed as a demure cover-up? What else could it have been? Maybe her right breast has similar rage issues as Jaime, and some foreign bra made it so angry that its nipple exploded.

The Detour that awaited everybody was ''Broken Teeth'' or ''Broken Record.'' Broken Record involved getting in a karaoke cab and traveling/singing for five miles, while Broken Teeth involved searching through 50 sets of dentures soaking in off-colored water and jamming them into the mouths of five gummy patients until players found the right fit. It was a hilariously icky challenge, but I was confused by Phil's explanation that both Detour choices were ''routine activities that the people in Bangkok have turned into something very unusual.'' I get the karaoke cab, but the dentures? Is it a daily Bangkok routine to jam dentures into people's mouths on the streets? Do people go about their business with a few sets of uppers jangling around in their pockets, in case they feel like stopping and slipping them into a stranger's mouth, toothless or not? If I ever travel to Bangkok (and considering the news, it won't be this week), I will make sure to keep my mouth shut.

Margie and Luke, in first place, opted for Broken Teeth, the only team to do so. Margie said, ''I'm a bad singer, but he's a reeeeeally bad singer. I figured, we'll spare the people of Bangkok.'' This brings up an unrelated pet peeve of mine that I've been looking for a forum to air. As we all know, blind singer Scott MacIntyre was eliminated last week on American Idol, amidst endless patronizing praise by the judges about what an inspiration he was. My question is, why was he such an inspiration? I'm not saying he hasn't had to struggle in life because of his disability, but in this particular forum, his handicap had nothing to do with the talent being judged. He's blind, not mute. If he was in an archery competition, that would make him an inspiration. Just as if Luke was a reeeeally good singer, that would make him an inspiration. Okay, back to the show at hand. Thanks for indulging me.

Margie has a nursing background so, as she said, it was easier to invade someone's personal space. (And by ''space,'' she meant piehole.) She ended up finishing the whole task as Luke tried to stick uppers onto lower jaws, and lowers into uppers. I'm pretty sure at one point he tried to attach a propeller to one woman's tongue.

Tammy and Victor and the cheerleaders jumped into taxis with their complimentary set of tranny backup singers. It was the happiest I'd seen Jaime all Race, but I can relate. At the age of 39, I've only recently had my eyes opened to the joys of karaoke, through the hilarious book Don't Stop Believin': How Karaoke Conquered the World and Changed My Life. In fact, just tomorrow night I will be going out to belt the cheesiest songs of my youth with the author of that very book, Brian Raftery. I revel in karaoke as a way to marinate in my own musical nostalgia, getting a lost-youth tear in my eye even from such inane tunes as John Parr's ''Naughty Naughty.'' Considering how I am prone to nostalgia over even the most mundane moments in my life, provided they are at least 20 years in the past, I wonder if in 2029 I will find myself in a private karaoke room, weeping openly as I make my way through the Thai pop tune from this very episode. ''Oh, Amazing Race transvestites,'' I will snuffle after the last refrain. ''You taught a nation how to sing and how to tuck.''

Everyone seemed to enjoy the singing trannies. Jen was able to put aside the stress of their missing passports to deliver the line of the night: ''My first question was, Are those transvestites? My next question was, Why do they wear so much makeup? Third question was, Why are we in a party taxi with three transvestites?'' Good questions, all!

Meanwhile, Mark and Michael were not having a good time yet. The two brothers were in a state of permanent bickering over whether to go back and get their bags before the Detour, or after. Michael was pressing for now, as he kept referring to ''important stuff in that bag that's not replaceable.'' Mark became angry that his brother's belongings were more important to him than winning. It was a difficult debate to settle without knowing just what this unnamed stuff was that Michael was hoarding. Was it mementoes from home, or trinkets he'd picked up along the way? Players can't spare any cash, so he probably wouldn't be buying any souvenirs. Oh my God, maybe he stole something off the Gypsies, and one put a curse on him that made him short! What's that? He was that way when the Race started? Never mind then, it's probably just a Transylvania snow globe.

Unlike Kisha and Jen, the brothers ultimately decided to go back and get their stuff before continuing on the leg of the Race. To give a sense of how far back they were, even before they made that call, Marge and Luke were already arriving at the pit stop. And to add insult to injury, as they neared the mat, Luke yelled, ''Mom, let's drop our bags now.'' Rub it in, why don't you!

After finishing their karaoke, Kisha and Jen were able to beg a cabbie to give them a free ride to the mat, arriving after the cheerleaders, but right before Tammy and Victor. There Phil delivered the bad news: They could not check in until they had their passports, so off they dashed to track down their stuff back by the boatyard. Meanwhile, Mark and Michael had finally arrived at the Detour with their bags, but without enough money to pay their cabbie, so Mark offered a flashlight and compass to make up the difference. How did he manage to find the one spelunking cabbie in all of Bangkok?

The brothers then hooked up with their posse of trannies (although I'm not convinced they ever realized their companions weren't really women) and were ready to croon. Said Mark, ''We're part of the entertainment business, so we know how to show these girls a good time.'' Wait a minute, aren't they stuntmen? That means that they know how to show these girls a good way to get over the head with a two-by-four, but it doesn't necessarily mean they're naturals at the mike.

Having arrived at the pit stop, Mark again began haggling with the cabbie, offering him a very expensive carabiner. I'll be damned, now he found the one rock-climbing cabbie in Bangkok! What else does he have in his knapsack of fun, and what could he get for it? Perhaps by handing over just one allen wrench (''very expensive!'') he could get the one Ikea-obsessed cabbie in Bangkok to give him and Michael really tiny foot massages.

The brothers arrived at the mat; when I looked at the clock and saw there was ten minutes left, I knew that clearly this wasn't over yet. Sure enough, Phil looked at them disappointingly, and broke the news: Because they'd ''used personal possessions to settle a bill'' twice, they got a four-hour penalty; that's two hours per settled bill. Damn, those guys can not catch a break! Either that or those guys can not read a rule book. After the show, EW's Kristen Baldwin emailed me to call bulls--- on this call; she thinks it was made up to punish Mark and Michael, or just play favorites. I don't think so, but the only other time I can think of a team losing their passports was last season, when Dallas lost his and his mom's in a Russian cab. They finished the leg without their papers, and no penalty was mentioned at the mat, but they were in last place anyway and were eliminated, so it was moot.

I can't know what really happened, but I will say this: If I were a Race producer, and I'd been doing this for 14 seasons, it would be tempting to start randomly inventing rules just to watch the shocked expressions on the contestants' faces. And what would be more fun than doing it to the same team two weeks in a row? Next week I'd penalize them six hours for not skipping to the mat. Anything to take my mind off the constant jet lag.

Kisha and Jen finally made it in, and were so shocked to find out that they weren't in last place that they broke down in tears. (They had been around 50 minutes behind, judging from the brothers' penalty clock.) Phil then summoned Mark and Michael to tell them that they'd been granted a reprieve: It was, in fact, a non-elimination leg, but their full penalty would be added to their departure time. So not only would they have to do a Speed Bump, but they'd be leaving about three-plus hours after the second-to-last team. (Of course, if everyone ends up bunching up at the airport like they did on this leg, the late departure time is irrelevant.) Michael tried to explain to Phil that they only paid with belongings because ''In the land of Buddha, we didn't want to create bad karma,'' but Phil just stared down at them like, ''Oh, go peddle that faux-spiritual crap to Ty Pennington, 'cause I ain't buying it, no matter how many flashlights and compasses you throw in.'' (Check out Phil Keoghan's blog to see if he shows any empathy toward the brothers, because he sure wasn't showing any last night!)

What do you think about these suddenly-revealed penalties? Or are you glad Mark and Michael got saved? And are you looking forward to next week's (literal) bitch-slap between Jen and Luke? I know I am: Phil's been promising a mat meltdown all season long, and I think this will be the week that mat goes up in flames.

-----

The little guys bug the crap out of me so I was very distressed when they made it to the mat first. Robert, however, hates Kisha because she looks like a dude (I believe last Sunday he told me she was packing a huge set of balls and not one but two penises. Peni? Whatever.) so he was relieved. Until, of course, the brothers got their enormous penalties. Wow!! I assume the penatly time for this transgression is more because it impugns the integrity of the Race (and, in a broader sence, Americans in general, I guess). But geez! Two hours per instance seems kind of steep. I guess I shouldn't complain, though, since it effectively knocked the irritating little men out of the Race. I can't believe we're down to so few teams already!!! This season has just flown by.

Spoiled? Nah.

I haven't posted any photos of Garfunkel since Thursday so, you know, I figured it was time for a new batch. (If we are this bad with a puppy can you imagine how we'll be with a baby? Eek.)

Here I am keeping Garfunkel occupied one weekday morning while Robert gets ready for work. It's tough work, let me tell you. (Actually, it set a very bad precedent because now Garfunkel wants to hang out on our bed [mind you I said on, not in - he has to lay on his own blanket on top of our comforter] every single morning. Whoops.)

This was Robert's favorite Sunday afternoon: watching baseball, reading a magazine and hanging out with the pup.

This is ALL Robert. I can honestly say that I have never and would never wrap the dog up like a baby. Robert is a gigantenormous softie - and Garfunkel knows it. When he doesn't like something I have him do, he goes over to Robert to see if he can get around it. And if Robert's not there, he sits at the front door and cries. I feel like an ogre.

And finally, just for fun, here's Garfunkel battling a piece of broccoli:

We were trying to give him an alternative, healthy treat. No dice.

Friday Phone Vent

I know I have complained about my Friday phone assignment in the past so I'll try to keep this brief: I HATE, ABHOR, and generally DETEST when people call me and proceed to chomp, smack and/or crunch food in my ear. Instantly sets me off and puts me in a foul mood. It's tough to get me to care less about answering your stupid question - but chewing in my ear is the quickest way to do it! Hmph.

Thursday Thoughts

I have a lot of work on my desk right now (my section of the department is super busy 2 months out of the year - this is one of those months) but I just finished my lunch and am reluctant to return to the stack o' income verifications staring at me right now. So, here are a couple random thoughts for you on this gloomy Thursday afternoon.

(1.) Garfunkel is a feisty little booger who is too smart for his own good and will probably have to be babysat for the rest of his life. I'm exaggerating - well, on the babysitting thing, anyway - but it sure feels that way right now. Robert and I have been sorely remiss in training The Funk to enjoy being alone. On the few occasions we have tried, it has not gone well so we have been lazy and reluctant to try many more times. But yesterday my parents actually had plans (the nerve!) so Robert and I decided to let Garfunkel hang out in my parents' yard alone for three hours while they tended to their business. The Funk hangs out in their yard alone 60% of the time he's at my parents' house - but he always knows someone is there. To make a long story short(er), the little dude was apparently somewhat traumatized by his first foray into extended alone-ness and spent the remainder of yesterday and this morning whining, whimpering and generally just staying underfoot.

Of course, Robert and I had decided that this morning might be a good time to start weaning him from his all-day care, so we left him alone (in his exercise pen) for an hour until my dad showed up. Garfunkel was beside himself; no treat or toy would distract him for even a second. He spent the entire morning howling and frantically pawing at his cage while I at my Lucky Charms. When I grabbed my purse he really went berserk. I tried one last time to give him something that would pique his interest enough to let me slip out but it was a no go. So I had to leave him mooing at full strength. When my dad arrived at 9:30, Garfunkel was sitting every-so-quietly at the front door. The good news is he didn't pee or poop anywhere and he didn't eat everything - or anything, actually - in our house. The bad news is he's finally figured out he's big enough and strong enough to hop over his crate. We knew that day was coming... I just thought it would be a week or so until it did. Dang. Now we have to figure out some way to keep the guy contained in the kitchen when we need him to be! I realize this is all standard puppy stuff and I'm not really distressed or anything; I just wish Garfunkel wasn't quite so sharp. There are lots of dumb dogs out there - why do I always end up with a smart little devil?! Oh well. There's not much I can do about that now, I suppose.

Here are a couple photos of Garfunkel hanging out with his favorite new 'lady friend' at the McCauleys'. I'm sure Robert's sweats welcomed the break from the, ahem, sweet, sweet love.

(2.) I'm not a huge morning radio listener; I like to listen to music and, well, morning radio is usually talk. The one show I did sort of check in on from time to time, though, was LIVE 105's The Woody Show (you may remember an earlier post I did on the show's producer, Greg Gory). Since I don't listen everyday I don't ever really know what's happening but I did notice that the show was off the air last week. No biggie, I thought (at the time) - they're probably on vacation. And even though it struck me as a little odd that LIVE 105 didn't rebroadcast old shows like they usually do when the show is on vacation, I didn't think too hard about it. But when I checked in this morning and discovered that the show still isn't on the air, I panicked. Sure enough, after a little Web surfing I discovered that The Woody Show staff was fired on April 1st for airing 30 seconds of an as-yet-unreleased-but-soon-to-be-released Green Day song from their new album. There is a LOT of chatter about the firing on both Woody and Ravey's Twitter pages and the Where's the Wood? blog if you are interested in the details (what little there are, anyway. Since it's an ongoing legal thing, info is sketchy at best). Basically, it sounds like LIVE 105 fired the old management, hired some new management and the new guys had it out for the Woody crew. They were apparently just looking for a reason to can the show. One of Woody's gripes is that three other DJs at the station have played the same unreleased snippet and one of those three also posted a link to some unreleased Gwen Stefani tracks on his LIVE 105-sanctioned Twitter page - so why was his show singled out and scrapped? In any event, I shall miss The Woody Show. My fake boyfriend Greg is still with the station... but he's just not the same. :o(

TV Tidbits 56 - Pushing Daisies, NCIS 2.0

I had these bits ready to go yesterday but got sidetracked by work (I know!) and so left them for today. The first two blurbs are from TVGuide.com:

ABC is set to announce return dates for three of this season's celebrated but canceled series: Pushing Daisies, Eli Stone and Dirty Sexy Money.

The adventures of Ned the Pieman will resume Saturday, May 30, at 10 pm/ET, and air there for three weeks, until the series' sophomore-season inventory is exhausted. Previously, Daisies fans only had the out-of-town Paley Television Festival screening (on April 19, in Los Angeles) and a July 21 DVD release to look forward to.

Following Daisies' swan song, Eli Stone then will hold court in the Saturdays-at-10 time slot, unspooling its final four episodes June 20 through July 11.

Lastly, for four weeks starting July 18, we will welcome the Darlings back into our living room, culminating with an August 8 finale/the reveal of Dutch George's killer.

----- ----- ----- ----- -----

CBS has issued its official press release and first photos for the two-part NCIS episode that will serve as a backdoor pilot for a spinoff starring Chris O'Donnell and LL Cool J.

Titled "Legend," the episode kicks off April 28 and concludes May 5. In one of the photos, Mark Harmon's Gibbs is seen walking-and-talking with O'Donnell's Special Agent G. Callen.

The setup: When the discovery of a Marine's corpse becomes a matter of national security, Gibbs' team must collaborate with — AOA! Acronym Overload Alert! — the NCIS' OSP, aka the Office of Special Projects.

Joining O'Donnell and LL Cool J at the OSP are Louise Lombard, Daniela Ruah and Peter Cambor, who plays an operational psychologist.

One final tease from the Eye: "Meanwhile, Tony snoops into Ziva's personal life." Yeah, I thought you'd like that.

Though "Legend" is the title of the NCIS episode, the spinoff, should it be picked up as a series, is as-of-yet untitled.

As for the original NCIS, today Ausiello writes:

Question: Seems like forever since Gibbs had a love interest on NCIS. Any scoop about that please?
Ausiello: There's a chance he'll see some action later this month when he travels out west to meet the crew of the NCIS spin-off. As exec producer Shane Brennan tells me, sparks will fly between Gibbs and Louise Lombard's character, Lara. "Gibbs and [Lara] have some past history that goes back a long, long way," he teases. "And quite clearly, Gibbs is not very keen to actually fly to Los Angeles and work with her -- particularly when she's given the lead on the case." Brennan adds that it's not immediately clear whether the baggage they share is romantic in nature, "but it is resolved over the two-part episode. The audience will find out exactly what it is, and I can guarantee no one is going to guess what the connection is."