Friday, May 29, 2009

Movie Morsels 51 - Remake? Ptooey!

Okay. I was going to refrain from posting about this because I have an odd affection for Girls Just Wanna Have Fun and I sort of assumed the majority of you would either not know the movie or not care much about it. But this is the third article I've read about the proposed remake so clearly there are a lot of us GJWHF-lovers out there!!! FIRST, they want to remake Teen Witch. NOW they want to remake GJWHF?! A travesty!!!!!!!!!! Ugh.

EW.com actually did a decent job of pointing out the many flaws with Hollywood's logic here so I will spare you my lengthy rant and just post theirs:

The Axis of Evil announced a Girls Just Want to Have Fun remake this morning. Excuse me?!?! No. This remake can go to hell. And I wouldn't watch it there, either. So wrong. So awful. Miley Cyrus will probably be in this. Oh god. I can't handle it. I'm freaking out. What if we don't make it to the DTV auditions?! I didn't bring a gym bag!!! But seriously. There are SO MANY essential 1985-y elements of this movie that can and should never translate to present day. A sampling....

'GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN' DETAILS OF WHICH EVEN THE SLIGHTEST ALTERATION WOULD BE SACRILEGE

--"Dancing in Heaven (Orbital Be-Bop)" presented as the hippest jam in all the land (press play below)

--Helen Hunt's grasshopper hat...and her bouffant 'do as she's wheeled out on a horse-drawn carriage as Our New Miss Dance TV
--Sarah Jessica Parker's collection of ridiculously high-cut long-sleeved leotards
--Natalie Sands' perm
--Natalie Sands in general
--Convenient availability of incredibly beefy gym-rat *FEMALE BODYBUILDERS* with tons of free time to lift automobiles with one arm in an effort to help spread the word about the plan to "Wake Up The Neighborhood" at Natalie Sands' coming-out party. (And everyone else in the invitations scene.)
--Male lead who looks so much like Blossom-era Joey Lawrence that when you watched the film during the early '90s, you honestly just assumed it was him. (It was Lee Montgomery.)
--The ridiculous notion that a TV show of just the same couples dancing over and over would actually work. As. If.
--"Velcro. Next to the Walkman and Tab, it's the coolest invention of the 20th Century." (Thanks Robyn!)

What an incomplete list! But I guess I'm finished. At least now I know which DVD I'll be watching next time I'm not sober. And now I know how the normals feel whenever their beloved classic '80s movies start getting the remake rumors -- pretty much once a day at this point. I don't know, dawg. For me for you...this one has finally crossed the line.

TV Tidbits 70 - Man vs. Wild

Don't forget! Man vs. Wild's very special episode featuring Will Ferrell (promoting the upcoming Land of the Lost) premieres on Discovery this coming Tuesday night!!! That's June 2nd, people!


In the new issue of EW, Ferrell tells senior writer Josh Rottenberg that when the idea of promoting his June 5 adventure film Land of the Lost by treking through the frozen wilderness of northern Sweden with host Bear Grylls was pitched to him he couldn't stop laughing. "I was like, 'Oh, that might be awful, but I have to do it." In the preview[above], you see that Ferrell did make yellow snow -- "I think I've lost my penis," he jokes on-camera, "Out here...it's just me and Bear Grylls...in the wild...urinating together" -- but he assures EW that he did not drink his own urine, as has been previously reported. "I did eat the cornea of a reindeer, though," he told us. "Bear cut out this little gelantinous disc from the eyeball and was like, 'Here, try this.'" And how did it taste? "It was like a Certs breath mint, without any of the delicious properties."

I. Can't. Wait.

Aw, Archie - Really?

I used to love reading Archie comics. Actually, I take that back - I liked reading the Betty and Veronica collections of Archie comics... But Archie (and Jughead and Reggie and...) was in them, too! So it totally counts. Anyway, I was scanning EW.com's Popwatch this morning and I found this story from Wednesday - Archie is proposing to Veronica! Say wha?!!! That's stupid! I don't think the writers should make Archie marry at all - will the comics be as funny if it turns into a less-realistic version of For Better or For Worse? C'mon now - but if he is going to get married, he should totally go for Betty! Veronica never loved Archie for Archie; she just wanted him because Betty wanted him. It's so obvious. Archie, you are a dumbass.

From Thursday's Globe and Mail:

One is blond, loyal and kind. The other, raven-haired, charming and rich.

Both great catches in the eyes of many, but after 67 years of being entangled in the comic world's longest-running love triangle, Archie Andrews is set to tie the knot. His fiancé? That vixen Veronica Lodge.

Gasps resounded from the comic's fans yesterday after Archie Comic Publications announced the flighty redhead from Riverdale picked Veronica over Betty Cooper. The publisher sent speculation swirling in mid-May when it announced a special marital-themed storyline for release in August but didn't reveal the lucky lady. The wedding will take place after the gang graduates college and venture out into the working world.

Response to the proposal has been markedly divided. Betty fans are outraged the girl next door has been ditched yet again for the beautiful, yet spoilt, Ronnie. Many question whether Archie should marry at all, lamenting a possible end to the enduring comic-book soap opera (The last time the comic toyed with ending the triangle, Archie chose a third option, Cheryl Blossom, in a cop-out ending.)

But whether you're in Betty or Veronica's corner – and let's face it, most of us have a gut response – Archie's choice of life-partner urges us to look inward. What does the couple we root for say about us?

Perhaps more than we realize, relationships expert Marion Goertz says.

“People who vote for Veronica-Archie are the idealists, the people who say, ‘I'm voting for the glitz, the glamour, the high energy, the sexiness, the ideal [and] they might not even care so much that it'll only last five years,'” says the Toronto-based registered family, marriage and sex therapist.

Those who yearn to see Archie and Betty get hitched take a more realistic, traditional view, she says. They're more grounded, are thinking long term and have more of a sense of “for always and forever.”

The way the girlfriends each relate to Archie sheds a lot of light on their character. Betty allows Archie to push her aside, a sign she'd make a submissive wife, Ms. Goertz says.

“Veronica just kind of takes what she takes and doesn't give a whole lot in return, but there's a sense that she's the prize, the unattainable, the hard to reach. Archie's quite flattered by that.”

While she wishes both women would just ditch Archie for good, Toronto sex and relationships columnist Josey Vogels says their love triangle has influenced the way we approach our dating lives.

“We [often] go between the predictable, safe, reliable, loyal, but maybe not that exciting and passionate [relationships] to the more unavailable ... slightly more mysterious and angst-ridden high drama relationships,” she says, adding that the good girl vs. bad girl dichotomy is often played up in the dating game.

Archie's pick of a modern woman who is independently wealthy (okay, it's daddy's money) is a sign of the times, she adds.

Feminist professor Maureen Bradley would take it a step further.

“The spoiled rich girl is still more appealing, and maybe that's a wise thing to pick in these uncertain times,” says the associate professor of media at the University of Victoria.

The choice to create Veronica as a raven-haired minx is also surprising, she says. Historically, the temptress has always been blond – just look at Marilyn Monroe.

“I think you marry the nice girl, I don't think you marry the whore,” she says, adding that the man of the 1950s would certainly take Betty home to their mothers and perhaps take up an affair with a girl like Veronica.

Though a modern man himself, comic-book salesman Kody Peters is outraged over what he views as Archie's woeful taste in women.

“I'm shocked and appalled,” the 23-year-old employee of Toronto's Silver Snail Comics bookstore said yesterday when delivered the news.

“They're both madly in love with him, but really, aside from that, Veronica's got nothing to offer, whereas Betty is like the sweetest girl in the whole world.”

The characters also weighed in on the proposal.

“I wonder if Betty wants to be my Maid of Honor? I bet she is so happy for me” Veronica mused on her blog yesterday. Meanwhile, Betty was speechless but expressed her sorrow amid a string of x's and o's. Reggie, the comic's smarmy bad boy, was opportunistic. “Betty is probably free Friday night. Maybe I should ask her out.”

Leah, a commenter on the Neatorama.com blog, expressed surprise that Archie's best friend Jughead was left out in the cold.

“If he doesn't marry Jughead I will NEVER read an Archie comic again. Honestly those two have the most chemistry.”

Betty backers

As an example to children, shouldn't Archie marry for the love of a good woman – CLEARLY that would be Betty – Turning Left

She'll have no trouble finding “Mr. Right.” She was always my Perfect Girl, even though a cursory glance will reveal she's Veronica with blonde hair. – B. Logan

Veronica is going to make him sign a pre-nup.... – A Happier Place

Ronnie fans When the chips are down, go for the money – Lamont Cranston

Thank God Archie didn't end up with a stock blonde, the generic housewife next door. At least Veronica has edge. – Cassie

Well Betty would be your true down to earth woman and Veronica is too much about maintenance. – Gary_MB

Archie is taking life lessons from Brad Pitt – sample the girl next door and then leave her for the vixen. – Gossip Girl

Music Minims 08 - Get Well, Dave

Wow! This story is sort of under-the-radar, so I thought I'd post the little blurb I found.

LONDON (Reuters) – Electronic music pioneers, Depeche Mode, are set to resume touring next month after the band revealed on Thursday that singer Dave Gahan underwent surgery to remove a tumor.

Gahan was rushed to hospital before appearing at a concert in Athens on May 12 after suffering a severe bout of gastroenteritis.

"While in hospital, further medical tests revealed a low-grade malignant tumor in Dave's bladder, which has since been successfully removed," a statement from the band said.

The group's "Tour of the Universe" will restart in Leipzig, Germany on June 8. Doctors have ordered Gahan to rest up until then.

According to the band's website, nine concerts have had to be rescheduled because of the singer's illness, including a May 30 appearance at London's O2 Arena which has been pushed back to an unspecified date.

Other rescheduled dates across Europe have been booked for early July.

The band has urged fans to keep their tickets pending a further statement on rescheduling.

A "low-grade malignant tumor"?! That still sounds like cancer to me! Poor guy. :o( Can't even recuperate properly. Good thing he doesn't need chemo or radiation... Sheesh! I hope all those people who made fun of Dave and his 'explosive diarrhea' are ashamed of themselves!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

TV Tidbits 69 - Project Runway

Entertainment Weekly's cover story this week is all about the upcoming season of Project Runway. It's 5 pages so I'm going to be lazy and opt not to copy-and-paste it for you. Sorry. But! You can check out the full story here.

Spamalot Competition

Okay, so this is really sad and pathetic but a woman in my dance class has entered a video in the Spamalot 'Bright Side of Life' contest and I feel it is my duty to promote it. A little bit. :o)

As you may know, Spamalot is currently playing at the Golden Gate Theater (until July, I think) and SHN is sponsoring a video contest:

BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE VIDEO CONTEST

Upload your video and WIN!

  • Monty Python's Spamalot wants to see and hear your Bright Side Of Life!
  • Create and upload a video of you, your friends or family performing the famous Monty Python song "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life".
  • The Grand prize winner will have a portion of their video featured in a Spamalot commercial that will air during the Tony Awards on CBS 5 on Sunday June 7, along with 6 tickets to see Spamalot, a meet and greet with select members of the cast, a $200 gift certificate for dinner and Spamalot show merchandise.
  • 3 other semi-finalists will win 2 tickets to see Monty Python's Spamalot.

(You can read the rest about the contest's rules and prizes here.)

Naturally, one of the, ahem, older ladies submitted video of our 'Bright Side of Life' routine from last year's recital. She worked hard during last night's dress rehearsal to get us all to check it out and bump up the total number of views. I don't think it will win because, well, it's pretty crappy. And submissions are only allowed to be 2 minutes long so the dance is completely cut-off at a weird spot. But if you want to take a chance and see if we can get our hideous routine on the air during the Tonys, please check out our official 'Bright Side' video here. And don't giggle.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Terminator Salvation. Meh.

*** SPOILER ALERT! Do not read if you don't want your viewing experience ruined. ***

If you want to see a movie that does not further the Terminator storyline but blows up a lot of crap, Terminator Salvation is for you! (With that criteria, though, you may as well go see Transformers: Rise of the Fallen. Or rent Armageddon. You see where I'm going with this.) I mean, I'm glad I saw it because otherwise I'd always wonder and blah blah blah but once was enough. Even with Christian. The movie could have been a standalone story! You honestly don't need to have seen any of the other Terminators to watch TS. Truly. In fact, it might be better if you haven't seen any of the earlier movies... Maybe then the gigantic plot holes would not be quite so noticeable. Hmph.

I always love to read message boards after seeing movies like TS, just to see if others have the same questions I do. Robert, Wade, Mel and I had oodles of questions after the movie and I'm happy to report that just about every other viewer had the exact same questions and issues. Chief among them:
  • Why was Kyle #1 on the Skynet 'kill' list? Did Skynet know Kyle was John's father? How? Or were they just after him because they knew he was who was sent back to protect Sarah and ultimately defeat the first Terminator? (Message board consensus: Big plot hole that needed explaining. No one really knows.)
  • If Skynet wanted to kill Kyle because they knew he was John's father, why bother killing John at all? Why not just kill Kyle immediately? Why waste time putting him in a holding cell to draw John out so you can kill them both? (This, I've learned, depends on which time travel view you subscribe to. Killing Kyle would either have cause John to just, like, evaporate in the movie's present and, in that case, killing him immediately would've been the best bet. However, most people think killing Kyle wouldn't have killed movie present-day John. It would have made him have a different father, though, and so would somehow not be as good a leader. Or something. Which doesn't really make sense to me because John had already learned everything he needed to know... but whatever.)
  • Why have the Arnold Terminator in the movie at all? Yes, I know it was a kitschy shout-out to the earlier movies but in this movie it served no purpose whatsoever. The Terminator that tried to kill John didn't need to be a 'human' one. It just needed to be one that wanted him dead! And on a similar note...
  • Why did the Terminator waste so much time throwing John around? Why not just pop his head off in the first 30 seconds and be done with it? Terminators don't need to put up a fight! They just need to knock your block off!! (Message board consensus: Sloppy writing.)
  • Robert's biggest beef was with the special effects. "All the fire was so fake! Gah!" And, sure enough, there are several threads ragging on the CGI fire in the film.
  • My biggest beef? Oh, where do I begin. First, I hated that Sam Worthington's Australian accent came and went with the wind. Shouldn't the director watch out for continuity crap like that? Annoying. I love me an Australian accent... but not when the dude is half-American, half-machine. C'mon now. Then, I hated the cheesy ass dialogue. "Oh, your heartbeat is so strong. That's the best sound in the world. Now give me some body heat." Really? Really. Re. Tar. Ded. Then, there was the road issue. When Marcus first wanders out into the world, he has to dig through a pile of rubble to find the road. Of course, throughout the rest of the movie when high-speed chases were involved, there was clean road for days!! The apocalypse was apparently very selective in what it obliterated. The goofiest thing of all, though, may have been the whole heart transplant storyline. Who couldn't see THAT coming a mile away?! Good grief. Plus, his wife must be a kick-ass surgeon to perform such an intricate surgery in the middle of a barren, war-torn wasteland. Whoo! Reminded me a little of M*A*S*H. ;o) Plus, John Connor would have to be on anti-rejection meds the rest of his life. How easy are those to procure for the Resistance?! And people with heart transplants generally don't live terribly long; I can only assume that condition is exacerbated by receiving a heart that was previously dead and shocked back to life with live wires. John Connor is in some deep doo-doo.
Now, many on the message boards blame McG and/or the writers, but a small-but-vocal contingent blame Bale himself. I knew before I saw the movie that Christian was offered the Marcus role but he wanted the John role and gave the script to Jonathan Nolan to flesh out John's storyline and blah blah blah. Apparently, many are taking that to mean that the original story was awesome but Bale forced a bunch of crappy, ham-fisted rewrites that torpedoed the film. I find this hard to believe. Not because I love Christian (though not in this movie. He was a wee bit too... grizzled and over-the-top serious for me. I giggled.) but because the movie was written by the dudes that wrote Catwoman and The Net and directed by the guy that directed Charlie's Angels. Oh, and Sublime's Santeria video. Whoever is to blame the result is the same - a big pile of caca. *sigh*

To add insult to injury, I read this on EW.com this morning:

SPOILER ALERT: Do not read any further if you don't want to know plot details of Terminator Salvation. Seriously! You've been warned!

Two weeks before Terminator Salvation hit theaters, the film's director, McG, sat in his L.A. production office for an interview with EW. He was talking about the swirl of rumors and gossip surrounding the film -- about how bloggers had posted all kinds of far-fetched speculation during production and how it drove him nuts.

And then, out of nowhere, McG smiles and says, "Here's something I've never talked about before...".

Now, before we go any further, there's some backstory about the movie's plot you'll need to know if you haven't already seen it. Terminator Salvation is set in the year 2018 -- after the apocalyptic Judgment Day, which was prophesied in the earlier films. There are three main characters in the story: John Connor (Christian Bale), the son of Sarah Connor who will lead the resistance against the evil Skynet; Kyle Reese (Anton Yelchin), the young resistance fighter who will grow up and eventually travel back in time (as seen in the 1984 original when Reese was played by Michael Biehn) to impregnate Sarah Connor with the young savior, John Connor; and Marcus Wright, a mysterious dude who's half human, half machine programmed by Skynet (the fact that he's unaware of this makes for some of the most poignant scenes in the film).

Okay, now back to McG's big, juicy secret. A secret, by the way, that Bale will back up as you read on.

"There was talk on the Internet about an alternate ending where Connor dies and they take Connor's likeness and put it on top of Marcus Wright's machine body. So that it's actually a machine that's leading the resistance! And the Internet caught wind of that and people went, 'That's bulls---! We don't want that!'"

McG grins. "Well, that's not really what the ending was."

Actually, the bloggers were on the right track. Except, McG adds, the original ending actually went even further.

"Connor dies, okay? He's dead," McG continues. "And Marcus offers his physical body, so Connor's exterior is put on top of his machine body. It looks like Connor, but it's really Marcus underneath. And all of the characters we care about (Kyle Reese, Connor's wife Kate, etc.) are brought into the room to see him and they think it's Connor. And Connor gets up and then there's a small flicker of red in his eyes and he shoots Kate, he shoots Kyle, he shoots everybody in the room. Fade to black. End of movie. Skynet wins. F--- you!"

F--- you, indeed.

We tell the director that this would be the darkest, bleakest summer blockbuster ending of all time. He agrees.

"It's the most nihilistic thing of all time. And Christian went f---ing crazy, of course. He was insistent that it be done that way! He wanted the bad guys to win! Can you imagine the oxygen going out of the theater?! What just happened! It would piss you off! But maybe two years from now, you'd think it was ballsy. But in the end, it just felt like too much of a bummer."

He pauses, thinking about the alternate ending that wasn't. "Maybe we blew it."

McG says the studio had signed off on this original dark-as-night ending. But something about it didn't smell right to him in the end. How could a movie with a reported budget of $200 million and a possible future of sequels possibly end that way?

EW sits down with Bale the next day and tells the star how McG let the cat out of the bag. Bale laughs. "There's not much McG can keep in, is there?"

Was he really, as McG says, gung-ho to shoot that everyone-dies ending?

"I'm not the director," says Bale. "There came to be a different option that almost everyone, except myself, felt was the better way to go. I took a bit of convincing, but you know, at the end of the day, you need a director to make that call."

But doesn't he think that his Salvation would have been a depressing bummer, not to mention suicide at the box office?

"Done the way I saw it? No. But am I disappointed with this one? No."

Wouldn't that have been lovely? Holy bejesus. What kind of stupid sh*t would that have been?!! You know, I read in an article that James Cameron didn't pooh-pooh McG's TS - but he didn't give him his blessing, either. Why? Because Cameron felt he'd told the story with the first 2 movies and that was that. Seeing as both films since then have basically just spun their wheels without advancing the story, I think I agree with him.

Joey P @ 4 Months

Oh my goodness. Nora's baby is gorgeous! What a cutie. His eyelashes are fantastic! :o) Here are a few photos Nora passed along of Joey, who turned 4-months-old on May 16. (And just in case you're keeping track, Joey is 5 days older than Garfunkel. Clearly, Nora and I are at different stages in our lives... !)



Thursday, May 21, 2009

Terminator Salvation Opens Today!

And I'm gonna see it on Sunday! (It would be earlier but my stupid sister and brother-in-law are busy. Losers.) Now, the reviews are in and they're not fabulous. They're not horrid, mind you, but they all seem to feel that the 4th installment is lacking a certain soul - there's something missing to make you really care about the characters. Eh. Oh well. My only gripe so far is that Christian isn't a Terminator arriving from the future... Hence, there will probably be no naked shots of him. Bummer. :o) I kid! Kinda.

Anyway, here are a couple of review links, a couple scenes from the movie and a little red carpet premiere footage for those that are interested.

Oh! But first - if you need to refresh yourself on the first movie, here's the 30-second Bun-o-Vision version:



MSNBC.com review

EW.com review


Red carpet interviews:



Scene - "I'm John Connor":



Scene - "Come With Me":


He's A Keeper

This morning, as I was reaching for the cabinet door, I suddenly remembered that we had no clean bowls. Robert and I each had a bowl of (reduced fat) ice cream last night and I remembered that he'd eaten his scoops out of a Tupperware bowl. Great. So I glanced at the dishwasher but there was no little green light telling me the dishes were clean. Crap. Still, I had to open the cabinet to see what other options I had available and there it was: a single clean bowl. Robert had eaten his ice cream out of a plastic bowl to save the last real bowl for me, because he knew I was going to have my customary bowl of cereal this morning before heading to work. That's how you know he's a keeper, ladies - when he demonstrates that he is always thinking of your well-being first. :o)